Scenes with Abrasive SpongeBob 642
Wait, don't leave! My dad got Boys Who Cry to play! You did get Boys Who Cry, right? [glaring crossed-arms at her dad]
Oh, even better, sweetie. (You're not only the Boys Who Cry fan.) Hit it!
[Curtain unfolds as R & B Music begins to play with Squidward standing on the stage]
Hello, ladies. [sings "It's all about you"]' When my tear ducts get issue, I can't use just any tissue... I need 4-Ply, 4-Ply, 4-Ply, when I cry... Huh!
F2Friend 2
Hey, that is not Boys Who Cry!
[Cut to Squidward shaking his rear end]
F1Friend 1
What a rip-off!
Daddy, how could you?! I... gave... you... a list! [runs out crying]
[The crowd throws tomatoes, eggs and Pearl's meat head at Squidward]
You've ruined everything! You couldn't stop being cheap, even for me! [cries]
I'll make it up to you somehow, Pearl.
SpongeBob[suddenly walks into frame] That's it! Back it up... Right there. Let 'er go!
[A delivery truck with all the gifts SpongeBob bought dump onto them]
I did? I mean... I (really) did!?
Oh, daddy! I don't know how it could get better than this.
SpongeBob
Just watch. Hit it, boys.
[scene cuts to SpongeBob and Sandy walking toward their boat]
SpongeBob
Sandy, I'm sorry I acted like a jerk back there. Thanks for saving me from... [swallows hard] buying a condo.
Aw, shucks, SpongeBob, that's what friends are for.
SpongeBob
I still have one question, though. Does this mean I'm not King of Karate anymore?
You are in my book, SpongeBob. You are in my book. Now let me tell you about real estate. It's all about location... [boat drives off as another boat, carrying Squidward, arrives]
I'm here! The King of Clarinets has arrived! [Master Udon is waiting on top of the rocks again]
Well, we better get back to work.
Spongebob
Work? How can I go back to work without Spat?!
Spongebob
[shocked with spinning spiral eyes] What?! There is only one spatula for me, and that is Spat. Spat, wait up! Spat! [runs off to the hospital] I'm coming, Spat! [scene cuts to the hospital where SpongeBob is by Spatula's bed] Oh, Spat, we've been through so much together.
[SpongeBob flashes back to all the good times he had with his spatula: flipping patties, laying in the sun with Spatula, scratching his back with Spatula, playing ping pong with his spatula, reaching under the chair for the remote with spatula, and playing pirates with Spatula]
DDoctor
There's no easy way to say this. SpongeBob, if I were you, I would give serious consideration to start thinking about...a replacement spatula. [SpongeBob turns around and starts to cry, then turns back around] Go home. Get some rest. We'll try to do everything we can.
Spongebob
Thank you, Doctor.
DDoctor
Oh, I'm not a doctor. I'm an actor who's searching for a role. Yes! Woohoo! I am so totally gonna get this part. [sighs happily]
SpongeBob
Spatula, what's wrong? [Spat shakes its head] But I didn't mean to betray you. Mr. Krabs needed a replacement. Krabby Patties don't flip themselves, you know. It was a moment of weakness! I'm sorry! Oh, what have I done?! What have I done?! [begins crying and rolls]
S2SpongeBob 2
[comes up] All that glitters is not gold. [goes down]
[SpongeBob is still crying on the floor. Spatula considers this, lowers its head, and wheels itself away]
SpongeBob
Good-bye, best friend. [crawls crying all the way to the Krusty Krab kitchen] I'll never find another spatula like him again. [notices Spatula flipping patties by itself] Spatula? You're back! [jumps for Spatula in slow motion, the camera cuts to outer space] Oh, Spatula, now that we're together again, nothing will ever separate us.
[Back at the Krusty Krab]
One monster Krabby Patty.
[The same real set of hands put a bunch of meat on the grill as before]
SpongeBob
Okay, buddy, we can do this. Ready? One, two, three. [this time, instead of the spatula breaking again, his arms come off] D'oh! [laughs at the audience]
Could you not stand so close? You're making me claustrophobic.
What does "claustrophobic" mean?
SpongeBob
It means he's afraid of Santa Claus!
SpongeBob
Stop it, Patrick! You're scaring him!
It's not working, Patrick.
[shoves Patrick] Stop pushing me Patrick.
You mean like this? [shoves Squidward]
No like this! [shoves Patrick]
SpongeBob
[both Patrick and Squidward are fighting] You shouldn't fight in here. This is a magical place.
[Scene zooms to outside the well]
Patrick, get off of me! [scene zooms back into the well where Patrick is sitting on Squidward] I told you I am claustrophobic!
Nice try, Squidward, but there's no Santa Claus here.
You'll never get me to believe in magic, never! Just to prove it to ya, I'll demonstrate. [dropping a penny in the well] I wish I was steamed and served with a side of melted butter! [laughs]
SpongeBob
Mr. Krabs, NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Well, where's your magic now? [disappears into thin air and appears as a real steamed crab on a plate] Oh... where am I? What's going on here? [A person behind him lays out melted butter and puts on a bib reading "THE END"] Uh-oh. I do believe in magic! I do believe in magic! I do believe in magic! Oh, no!
[episode ends]
SpongeBob
[to Gary] All those people think you're a monster. But I know you're just a snail.
[SpongeBob pets Gary, who suddenly meows and snarls savagely and bites SpongeBob's arm, causing everyone to gasp.]
SpongeBob
[in tears] Gary... how could you?! [Gary meows ferociously]
SpongeBob's been infected by his own pet snail. Oh, the irony! Quick, we must quarantine that infected snail before he bites every last Bikini Bottomite. Let's get the snail!
BBBikini Bottomites
YEAH!
[An angry mob forms and everyone takes out jellyfish nets and torches. SpongeBob gasps.]
SpongeBob
No! Don't hurt him!
It's for his own good, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob
No! I won't let you touch Gary!
Stop the madness, man! The mad snail disease ends now. SEIZE THE SNAIL!
[scene cuts to Patrick running down the street to his rock]
Working at the Krusty Krab. Making Krabby Patties all day. Flipping Krusty Krab working patties krab... uhh, that's a hard song to remember. [opens his rock and jumps in] Huh?
SpongeBob
[sitting in the corner of Patrick's rock] Who do they think they are? I gave the best years of my life to this place and they think they can just fire me like that? Like trash? I don't think so!
SpongeBob
[turns around with a demented smile on his face] I've been waiting for you, Patrick! [walks towards Patrick, growling]
SpongeBob, you're scaring me. [yells]
[SpongeBob laughs maniacally and closes in around Patrick]
[SpongeBob takes a remote with a red Button with a label that reads, "open." He presses the button. The door to the sub opens.]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Ooh! [They both salute]
SpongeBob
SpongeBob and Patrick reporting for guard duty. [they both laugh and jump inside. Patrick stars pressing buttons and SpongeBob pretends to be piloting the sub]
Hmm. [he finds a yellow button with a label that reads "Shrink"] "Shrink." I do have a lot of issues. [presses the button and a warning light starts]
SPSpongeBob and Patrick
Pretty.
[The subm shrinks a little, squishing SpongeBob and Patrick against the windshield. Sandy enters the room.]
I'm back, SpongeBob. [she drops box of nuts] Uh-oh.
[SpongeBob shrinks and Patrick laughs while grabbing SpongeBob.]
You're so tiny. [he shrinks even smaller than SpongeBob; screams] A giant SpongeBob!
[The two shrink until they appear to look like dots. The sub shrinks completely. A robot hand grabs the sub. Sandy leans in.]
Aah! Sandy's grown to gigantic size!
SpongeBob
I don't think Sandy grew, Patrick. I think we shrunk.
[stupidly] That's silly. Don't you think it's more likely that the entire world grew?
[over the speaker] Good work, guys. Mission accomplished. Now all you have to do is...
[pushes Sandy out of the way] Get out of my body! Go!
Grow? [presses the grow button. The alarm starts up]
[The scene becomes a split screen. The left has Sandy, the Middle has Squidward, and the right has SpongeBob]
SSSandy, Squidward, and SpongeBob
[alarmed] No!
SpongeBob
But, Patrick, you can't go! Not like this! Who will go with me to the next jellyfisherman's expo?! [shows a picture of the two at one of the exposes]
It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. [He and SpongeBob cry together]
SpongeBob
OH, UNSET IT, PLEASE UNSET IT!!! [they cry even more. Patrick walks over to SpongeBob's kitchen with suitcase on it starts packing]
I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. [puts two pairs of SpongeBob's pants into the suitcase] My... clothes.
SpongeBob
Umm, Patrick, those are my clothes.
[packs up a bunch of peanut butter] My peanut butter!
SpongeBob
That's my peanut butter.
AND MY PICKLES!!! [stuffs a bunch of pickles into the suitcase and closes it, then falls on top of it sobbing]
SpongeBob
I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick, WITH ALL MY PICKLES!!! [crying]
[heading for the door with the suitcase] It's the end of me being here.
SpongeBob
Wait, stop! What about all our plans?! 8:00am - Wake up Patrick, 9:00am - Eat kelpo with Patrick, 10:00am - Brush teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick! Who's gonna do all that with me?!
I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever... in Bikini Bottom.
SpongeBob
[gets an idea] But... what if you weren't Patrick Star?
Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star!?
SpongeBob
You are Patrick Star, but you won't be for long.
BFBusiness fish
Say, don't I know you from somewhere?
BFBusiness fish
Hmmm... that's it! Get outta town!
SpongeBob
I won't let you do it! You'll have to do something horrible to me before I let you throw Patrick out of town!
SKSquidward and Mr. Krabs
"Patrick"?!
BFBusiness fish
You forgot your flyer. [hands them one of his flyers]
SpongeBob
[reading flyer] "GET OUTTA TOWN! ...To beautiful Sunny Shore Resorts!" Look! This guy wasn't trying to run you out of town, he just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation at a modest price!
Well, I guess I don't need this disguise anymore.
[Rips off his disguise while everyone else is shocked]
Umm, I think I need to take a shower.
So, let me get this straight, uh, you're not a woman?
Well then, you're fired. Uhh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office for, I dunno, the next 20 years or so.
SpongeBob
Good evening, Squidward!
Not so fast! You two little monsters aren't about to ruin my evening!
SpongeBob
Oh, we're not here to ruin it, we're here to enhance it! Isn't that right, Pat?
[slams the door] Can't a hard working squid get a little TV time alone? [SpongeBob and Patrick are suddenly on the couch with him] SpongeBob?! Patrick?! Oh, what's the point?
[While watching the Kelpy G show...]
SpongeBob
Uh, Squidward, could you turn it down a little?
Squidward, what's this about?
SpongeBob
Squidward, how come he's so emotional?
SpongeBob
Squidward?
SpongeBob
Squidward?
SpongeBob
Squidward?
SpongeBob
Squidward?
THAT'S IT!!! All I wanted to do was watch some smooth jazz on public television, but apparently, that's not going to happen! Once again, I'm going to have to leave my own home, just to get some peace and quiet! Enjoy my TV! [scoffs; he exits, leaving SpongeBob and Patrick alone as if they don't know what happened]
Oh wait, I think I've seen this before! This part's funny!
SpongeBob
Well, Smelly, here you are. Your new home. Oh, Smelly, this is going to be great. We'll be one big happy family. Let me show you around. Here's your bed, Smelly. [muffled whimpering from Smelly, who is actually Squidward covering himself with cement dirt by accident] Here's your food bowl.
And some kibble. [pours in some food]
SpongeBob
You can live here forever and ever! [Squidward cries] Oh, look, Pat! He's crying tears of joy! Well, Smelly, there's one more family member you haven't met. [retrieves Gary] Smelly, meet Gary. [Gary sticks to Squidward] Aww, look at that Smelly, Gary likes you. [Gary screeches like a cat, as he recognized Squidward under the cement, and attacks him violently] Gary, no! [gets Gary off of Squidward] Gary!
[Gary hisses]
I don't think Gary likes Smelly.
SpongeBob
Yeah, Gary's never attacked anyone like that, except Squidward.
[Ironically, Smelly is Squidward]
SpongeBob
I guess Smelly can't live here.
Ah! He can come home with me.
SpongeBob
That's a great idea, Patrick! You always wanted a pet. [Squidward tries to escape through the door but keeps falling down] Isn't that cute? Look how excited he is to get to your house! [opens door] Bye, Smelly, have fun at Patrick's!
[Squidward tries to get into his house but Patrick pulls him away]
No, no, Smelly. Squidward doesn't like pets.
SpongeBob SquarePants · 1,068 quotes
