I don't know, guys, I'm like 60% sure that was a fսcking dude.
Nah, I'm definitely betting it's a chick. What are the odds at?
[takes out his phone] Looks like about 40 kids betting now, 55% saying the Webelo is a dude.
So I'd only win, like, five bucks on a $2 bet? [also takes out his phone]
What are you guys talking about?
Prediction market app, dude. You know, online peer-to-peer betting.
Yeah, it's social platform betting. People can make any bet they want, and then other users take them up on it.
Yeah, it's pretty sweet, dude. People bet on anything, even stuff here at the school. See? Will the girls' soccer team win on Friday? Will there be a snow day this month? Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza and destroy a Palestinian hospital? Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
Will school lunch have tater tots next week?
No, the one about my mom!
Oh. Uh... Will Kyle's mom strike Gaza and destroy a Palestinian hospital?
Why the hell would my mom destroy a Palestinian hospital?!
[to Stan and Cartman as he approaches them] Boys, put 'em away. You know the rules... no cell phones during school time.
SCStan & Cartman
[put their phones away] Sorry, Jesus.
[blows his whistle and walks away] No phones, guys!
[Stan and Cartman take out their phones again]
Take that bet down right now, fatass!
I didn't put it up, Kyle. I'm not even betting on it. It's 9:1 odds your mom won't do it, those are terrible odds.
This is such bullshit! I'm gonna find out who started this and I'm gonna fսcking rip 'em a new asshоlе! [storms off]
Man, you just bring up Gaza to a Jew and they flip out. Maybe these are pretty good odds.
[sitting at a table with Stan and Kenny in the cafeteria around lunchtime] You guys! You guys! [pulls out his phone] Have you checked the betting app lately?
Ever since Kyle got all pissed off, the odds are going up on his mom attacking Gaza.
Yeah, check it out! Now 17% of people are betting she's gonna do it, we gotta get in on this, guys!
Dude, Kyle's mom isn't going to strike Gaza.
Yes, exactly! [lowers his voice] We know that. And we can also influence Kyle to get the odds raised even more. It's called a conflict of interest, you guys, it's a way to make free money.
Yes! All we have to do is make sure Kyle stays angry, and at the same time, go talk antisemitic shit about his mom to goose the odds up even more.
[walks up to the table and sits down next to Stan] What are you guys talking about?
[puts his phone away] Nothin'. Just talking about how messed up it is everyone hates Jews now.
You think it's messed up?
Yes, I do, Kyle. Why would an app allow a bet like that to exist? It's obvious rage bait.
Yeah, that's exactly how I feel!
Dude, you might just wanna let it go.
See? "Just let it go." That's how people want you to deal with a crisis that they don't even understand.
[pointing at Stan; angrily] Yes! [then pointing at Cartman] Thank you.
You can't give up, Kyle. It's not cool people would say this stuff about your mom. And honestly, if you don't have her back, who will? [walks down the school hallway] Hey, have you guys heard about Kyle's mom? [all the students look at him] Man, that bitch has it out for Palestine, let me tell you. Well I don't know, I would just hate to be a Palestinian hospital, that's all I can say. Well, anyways, good to talk to you guys. [walks away] Hey, guys! Guys, have you heard about my friend Kyle's mom?
Are you implying that Jews in America have some kind of obligation to do something about it?!
You wanna vilify my faith, is that it?!
It's not Jews vs. Palestine, it's Israel vs. Palestine!
Here we go with the Palestinian stuff again.
And maybe if you read books instead of everything Hollywood actors say, YOU'D KNOW THE DIFFERENCE! [walks away, leaving]
DTDonald Trump
[entering his and Satan's bedroom, carrying a bowl of soup] Hey, Satan! [takes off his pants and shoes] I made you some soup!
[closely inspects it] I don't like carrots.
DTDonald Trump
Ayyy, relax, guy! Carrots are good for you.
[annoyed] I don't want carrots. I ordered cheesecake on DoorDash.
BCBrendan Carr
[enters the bedroom, wearing a neck collar after his last incident with falling down the stairs] Mr. President, I really need to speak with you.
DTDonald Trump
Not now, Brendan Carr! Satan won't eat his carrots.
BCBrendan Carr
Oh, come on, Satan, you're eating for two now. Carrots are good for you, see? [takes the soup bowl and eats it]
DTDonald Trump
No, Brendan Carr, don't do it!
BCBrendan Carr
[stops eating] Whoa, this is the best soup ever. I-- [drops the bowl and starts gagging] Oh, God! [his stomach rumbles loudly as he's about to have severe explosive diarrhea]
[Nighttime at the Broflovski Residence; The family is having soup for dinner at the table]
[ranting in frustration] Everywhere I went today, it was the same thing! What are you going to do about Gaza?! Like us Jews in America have any control over what's going on in Israel. Why is everyone suddenly confronting us about the politics?! [to Gerald] Have people been asking what you think about Gaza, Gerald?
No, for some reason, they were just asking what you think about it.
You see?! It's just pure antisemitism! I'm so sick of being grilled about my views on Palestine and my thoughts on Hamas! [Ike secretly pulls out his phone, opens up the poll in the market app, and bets $2] And being judged for things that are centuries old and that non-Jews know nothing about! Well, if they all think we should do something… [in unison] then you better believe I'll do something!
[whispering in protest; in unison] You… stop! [out of unison] You know, Mom, I'm starting to think that us Jews should just lay low for a little bit.
There! Now my son is complacent. This is one Jewish household that will not put up with it anymore! [gets up from the table and heads to the front door]
[hops off his seat and follows her] Ma, please. Don't make things any worse.
Worse?! How can it be any worse?! [takes her bag off the coat rack and opens the door] I'm going to find out where all this is coming from, and I'm going to give them a piece of my mind! [closes the door and leaves]
MMeagan
[scrolling through the market app on her phone, as well as Red, and sees the bet of Sheila bombing Gaza officially removed] What the hell?
They took it down! We were all gonna win, and they took down our bets!
How can the app company do that?
I got in at nine-to-one odds! This is b-b-bullshit!
MMeagan
Yeah, these apps are totally corrupt.
[blowing his whistle as he appears] Guys! For the love of God!
[The students all put away their phones; Kyle and Cartman are then seen sitting on the steps]
Well, Cartman, I just wanna say thanks. You know, it's crazy, but nobody else here gave a crap about how I was feeling except for you.
Oh, that's all right, Kyle. I'm just happy the bet got taken down. Now none of these sickos can profit off of what your mom does.
Yeah, well, those people would have all lost the bet anyway.
What do you mean they would have all lost the bet?
Well, I know the reason my mom went Israel.
It wasn't to bomb a Palestinian hospital?
No, when my mom left the house, she said she was gonna find the person responsible for all this and give them a piece of her mind.
[A taxi drops off Sheila at the Prime Minister's Office in Israel]
[off-screen] You are not going to talk to me like that! I am exremely upset, and I am not leaving until I have said my piece! [angrily barges into the office and confronts Benjamin Netanyahu] THERE YOU ARE, MR. NETANYAHU! Just who do you think you are?! Killing thousands and flattening neighborhoods, then wrapping yourself in Judaism like it's some shield from criticism! You're making life for Jews miserable, and life for American Jews impossible! Oh, don't you roll your eyes at me, mister! You know what you're doing, and you're doing it on purpose! Well, now you can just sit in that chair, 'cause I'm not goin' anywhere, buster! I've been to every PTA meeting, every school board meeting, and I can go all day!
