A character in South Park
In 25 of the 1,569 quotes from South Park
Most scenes with: Eric Cartman (19), Stan Marsh (2), Butters Stotch (2)
[holding some flowers as Liane answers the door] Hi. Flower delivery for Eric Cartman.
Oh my, how beautiful! [signs for them and gives them to her son] Ooh, look, sweetie. Someone sent you flowers.
[reading a note that came with them] "Can't we just try? Tee Hee." [figures out it was Cupid Me who sent the flowers to him] Oh, man.
Who are they from, hon?
Someone who needs a real talking to.
[Cartman's house, night]
Eric Cartman, I told you to get ready for bed!
Yeah, I just wanna finish this movie.
No, Eric! This is a school night!
Mom, I'm into this movie. I'm not going to bed right now. Chillax.
You most certainly are! Right now, mister!
[hops off the sofa and aims his gun at her] I will go to bed when this movie is over, Mom!
Eric, where did you get that?
Turn off the light and go back to bed. I'm staying up.
Eric, you march right up to your room, and you-
I don't think so, Mom.
Eric, you get your butt to bed!
No means no, Bill Cosby!
[draws her gun on him] I told you to go upstairs right now!
Whoa, Mom, what the hell?
I'm not going to tell you again, Eric! It is time for night-night!
Mom, put down the gun.
[advances on him] I am your mother, and you will do what I tell you!
Okay, I am going. [walks around her, keeping his gun trained on her]
Well then, you go right now, Mister! [keeps her gun trained on him]
I'm going to bed now, Mom. Chillax. [begins to go up the stairs backward]
Alright then. No comic books, just straight to sleep! I love you, sweetie.
Okay, I love you too, Mom. Night-night. [the sound of a door closing is heard]
[caresses her pistol] Wow, he... he listened. [puts it into her robe pocket and walks towards the kitchen]
Oh, hi, Poopsie.
Mom, Alexa left! She's not here!
Oh, yes, sweetie. We had to get rid of Alexa.
What have you done with her?
Oh, it's okay, sweetie. We have Jim Bob now.
What's a Jim Bob??
Doot-doot. Awaiting request.
He works the same and makes sure people don't lose their jobs. Jim Bob, what time is it?
[checks his watch] Doot doot, it is 3:27.
Ooh, Mommy's gotta run, sweetie. Jim Bob, how's the traffic to town?
Doot-doot, traffic's fine. You'll get there in about nine minutes.
[to Cartman] Okay, you want some music, hun? Jim Bob, play Kendrick Lamar.
Playing "Humble" by Kendrick Lamar. 🎵 I remember syrup sandwiches and crime and allowances. Finesse a (doot) with some counterfeits... 🎵
Jim Bob, [Jim Bob stops singing] Simon says "big frosty semen shake."
The hell you talkin' 'bout, boy?! [strums again] 🎵 My left hook just went viraaaaaal. Sit down, be humble 🎵
NOOOOOOOOO!
No shots! No shots!
Eric, you have to be a big boy.
Big boys get a toy from the toy chest.
No, no, no, no, no! [screeches]
Eric, it's just a little prick.
[laughs, and the doctor gets even closer] No! No! No! Noooooo!
Good boy, Eric!
[Eric panics and jumps all over the place, squealing like a pig]
[That night at the Cartman residence… Liane peeks into her son's room, checking to see if he's asleep, then signals the parents by flickering her bedroom light off and on and they come inside]
[with Linda, Gerald and Sheila creeping behind him; whispering] Alright, alright. Bring him in! [Richard and Mrs. Tweak enter with the doctor] The little boy's room is upstairs.
[whispering; worried] Oh, I don't know if I can go through with this. My little Eric is going to be so mad at me!
Look, by the time he knows what's happened, it'll already be over.
Did you bring his boo-boo present?
Yes, yes. Come on, Thomas and Laura!
[Thomas and Laura enter with a Hot Wheels racing game for Cartman along with Linda Black with a sign reading: "You did it, Eric"] Okay, see? We got the present, everything's gonna be fine.
[The parents go upstairs and into Cartman's room; The doctor puts his medicine kit on the bed, prepares a vaccine, and draws it close to Cartman]
[suddenly wakes up, sensing someone nearby] Hey, what's going on? [notices the doctor about to inject the vaccine into him, then bolts out of bed, and runs around in panic]
It'll be just for a second!
[trying to catch him] Oh, Jesus!
Eric, there's a big treat for you if you stay still!
[angrily pulling up in front of the Black's old residence and gets out of her van] YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE, YOUNG MAN!!
This is my listing, Mom!
[starts running towards him] I have had it with you! Come here, RIGHT NOW!!!
Ahg! Help! Somebody call Child Protective Services!
Eric, you're only making it worse!
I am not doing a co-brokering deal, Mom, it's not gonna happen!
This isn't about that, Eric, and you know it! You're upset. You're upset because you don't want your mom to have a job!
That isn't true.
It is true! You're scared and you're jealous that a job will take my attention away from you!
You just want to offer the sellers a lower commission to list this house and it's not going to work, Mom!
It's okay to be scared, Eric! I know that I'm the only family you have, but you're making everything worse for us!
Well, congratulations, young man. DikinBaus Hot Dogs is a big success and here's your first return on your investment. [gives Butters his paycheck] I'm sure there's many more to come.
Oh, I made my money back, huh?
Now what I'm thinking, Butters, is that we should grow your business by applying for a corporate loan, which could pay you dividends as you expand the company into new areas.
Yeah, I wasn't thinking that. See, all I ever wanted was just to do my job, learn how to work, and help Mr. Sullivan sell ice cream. So, I'm thinking I'm actually going to conduct a market analysis to look for potential buyers and roll over the company as an exit strategy.
Well, you could do that but I think you'd have trouble getting investors who will commit major capital for just partial ownership.
Yeah. So that's why I want to approach overseas investors who will buy the IP, the restaurant operations, and the real estate outright.
But you couldn't do that because there's already tenants in the building who have to be relocated.
Yeah, I thought of that too. Come on in.
Hello.
Wait, so you two have already discussed some kind of deal?
Oh, yes. Butters and I have been talking, and we think that my little Eric deserves to get exactly what he's been wanting for a long time.
[As Liane and her son move back to their old house…]
There you go, Eric. It's your old room just like you always wanted.
[sobbing in protest] But I hate this stupid house! I don't want to be here! I want to be in DIKINBAUS!!! DikinBaus is awesome! This place sucks! PLEASE!! [Liane leaves as he tearfully hyperventilates] I want--I WANT--DIKIN...BAAAUUUUSS!!!! I want my DikinBaus! DIKINBAUS! DIKINBAAAUUUS!!!!!
Put the computer away and leave those poor college girls alone.
Okay, I won't master debate anymore tonight.
Eric CartmanTrey Parker · 536 quotes
Stan MarshTrey Parker · 383 quotes
Kyle BroflovskiMatt Stone · 344 quotes
RMRandy Marsh187 quotes
Butters StotchMatt Stone · 135 quotes
GMr. Garrison76 quotes
SMSharon Marsh63 quotes
SSStephen Stotch60 quotes
Kenny McCormickMatt Stone · 47 quotes
MMr. Mackey42 quotes
GBGerald Broflovski38 quotes
SheilaMona Marshall · 35 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
South Park · 1,569 quotes