[to the eight Asian girls in the school lobby as they're drawing; holding up a picture of himself pushing Tweek on a swing, and Tweek enjoying it] Uh, excuse me, why are you doing this?
AGAsian Girl #1
Oh, hi, Craig. [speaking Korean to another Asian girl] He's wearing a different shirt today.
AGAsian Girl #2
[also speaking Korean] How do you know what's underneath his jacket?
AGAsian Girl #3
I don't know. That was Korean. I'm Japanese.
What is going on, huh?! Me and him aren't together! Why is this happening?!
Alright, guys, I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around. Just wanted to check in, see if you have any questions for me.
Why are the Asian girls drawing pictures of us being gay?
What's wrong with being gay? Nothing is wrong with that.
That is completely irrelevant, okay? What matters, and the reason I brought you in here, is that you understand affirmative consent.
If there is a romantic relationship here, you have to make sure your partner is comfortable with any sexual exploration.
Now, in a gay relationship it gets a little trickier, but you still have to follow some guidelines, alright?
I don't care about that, bro! Tweek, if—and I'm only saying if—at some point you wanted to touch Craig's penis, you just can't go grabbing for it. Alright? You need to say something like, "Craig, is it alright with you if I touch your penis?" Okay? Let's try it out.
You want two weeks' detention instead? This is important!
[beat] ..Craig, can I touch your penis?
Okay, good. Now Craig, you might say, "You may touch my penis. I'm comfortable with that." [Craig stays still for a long beat] Or, of course, you could say, "No, you may not touch my penis at this time."
Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Now Craig, what would you say if you wanted to take a gander at Tweek's asshole?
[The kids circle around Craig and Tweek in the hallway as the two boys get in a scuffle]
You got a fuckin' problem, man?! [shoves Tweek]
You're the one with the fuckin' problem! [shoves Craig in return]
I told you to stay 100 yards from me!
You better not fucking push me again, man!
FDFlower Delivery Man
[holding some flowers as Liane answers the door] Hi. Flower delivery for Eric Cartman.
Oh my, how beautiful! [signs for them and gives them to her son] Ooh, look, sweetie. Someone sent you flowers.
[reading a note that came with them] "Can't we just try? Tee Hee." [figures out it was Cupid Me who sent the flowers to him] Oh, man.
Someone who needs a real talking to.
I went through your phone when we went out last night, Craig. I saw your text to Michael about hooking up with him!
Wait, uh, that's, that's not what happened.
No. Uh, look, we both know this is for the better.
Oh, don't use that lame shit on me, man! You don't wanna feel bad, so you try and tell me what I want?
Wait, don't make me out to be the bad guy here.
[tearing up; voice cracks] No-ho, you're not the bad guy! You're never the bad guy, are you?! You, you just step on people and you use them!
You're going too far, dude. This is like, totally not necessary.
I'm going too far?! What is wrong with you?!
This wasn't part of the plan!
Well, guess what, Craig?! Love doesn't follow a plan!
I was totally wrong about you. I opened myself up and let you in. But you've got spikes, man. You've got spikes.
