It's like the Disneyland of Mexican restaurants!
CartmanThis Saturday awesome!
Who said I'm inviting you?
Cartman
Your mom said you are taking 3 friends.
Yes. 3 friends. You're not my friend.
Cartman
Come on, Kyle, who are you going to invite besides Stan and Kenny?
I'm going to take Butters. He invited me to his Birthday last month so I owe him one.
Cartman
Butters?!! You're going to take him? Why?
Because Butters is nicer than you!
Cartman
I have never been a dick to you!
Oh please! All you ever do is call me names and rip on me for being Jewish!
Cartman
Kyle, when is the last time I rip on you for being a Jew? [flashback clips occur from when Cartman rips on Kyle for being Jewish on other past episodes] ...OK, expect maybe for that one time.
You've always been a dick to me Cartman, and I'm not inviting you.
Cartman
Kyle, You don't understand. Casa Bonita is my most favorite place in the whole world. I'll just-I'll just die if you don't take me, please!
Sorry, my mind is made up.
Cartman
[exploding and flipping Kyle off] WELL FUCK YOU, KYLE! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO YOUR FAGGY BIRTHDAY PARTY ANYWAY! I'D RATHER HANG OUT AT HOME THAN HAVE TO BE WITH YOU AND YOUR JEW MOM ALL DAY! KISS MY BALLS, ASSHOLE!
[Cartman leaves but returns moments later]
Cartman
Dude, I totally didn't mean that, Kyle. I really, really wanna go to Casa Bonita. I'm sorry we had that fight just now. I mean, I said some things, you said some things, but I think it was good, and we've moved past it.
I'm not inviting you to Casa Bonita.
Cartman
[exploding and flipping Kyle off again] WELL FUCK YOU, KYLE! I HOPE YOU DIE! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE!!!
[Cartman leaves and this time, he doesn't return]
[Cartman comes to Kyle's house dressed in a nice sweater]
Cartman
Hi, Kyle.
Cartman
What isn't it?
That isn't being nice, that's just putting on a nice sweater.
Cartman
I don't understand the difference.
I know you don't. [closes the door]
Cartman
Take that Jimmy and that! DON'T YOU DARE TALK BAD ABOUT KYLE AGAIN! KYLE'S MY FRIEND AND IF YOU SAID IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH KYLE'S MOM I WILL LET YOU REALLY HAVE IT! DID YOU HEAR ME?!! Oh. Hey, Kyle.
Do you really think beating up handicap kids is being nice?
Cartman
Hey Kyle! Knock knock, Kyle! Knock knock!
Cartman
Hey, Kyle.
Cartman
Well, what?
How are you going to get invited to Casa Bonita this time?
Cartman
I'm not Kyle. I already know you told Clyde he can go.
Cartman
So fine, Kyle, but honestly I never meant to treat you as you don't matter at all to me. I know we argue all the time and I give you tons of crap but we also have been through a lot together. Maybe that alone doesn't makes us friends but it makes us something. So fine, Kyle, I hope things will be cool.
I'm still not inviting you to Casa Bonita.
Cartman
I know, Kyle. I'll see you later.
Hey, Cartman? You really sure you don't care if you can't go?
Cartman
I care sure, but I hope it doesn't mean you, me, Stan and Kenny can't hang out anymore.
That's what I wanted to hear from all along. I still have to take Clyde, but I hope things can be cool to.
Cartman
Sure.
Hey, if for some reason Clyde is unable to go you can take his place.
Cartman
Sweet whatever! [Walking away from Kyle] Bingo!
Where is Clyde? We are supposed to leave 40 minutes ago.
Well, I think we should be going without him Kyle because it's getting late.
Yeah, screw him. Let's go.
[Doorbell ringing]
Cartman
Happy Birthday, Kyle. I just came to stop here to you your present.
Cartman
Hope you have a good one, I'll see you later.
[Cartman stops]
Cartman
Yes?
Clyde didn't show. You want to go to Casa Bonita with us?
Cartman
Clyde didn't show? I can't believe it. Are you sure you told him the right time and everything?
I told him 5:30 and he we got to get going. Are you in?
Cartman
Well I should be going home to get my no I have everything I need lets go.
Okay, boys, get in the car.
Cartman
Casa Bonita, here we come.
DMr. Donovan
Hello, everyone. Have any of you seen our son?
Clyde is supposed to go with us to Casa Bonita Tonight.
DMr. Donovan
We know but he hasn't been home since last Night. The police been looking everywhere, but well, thank you. Please let us know if you find out with anything.
Cartman
Yeah, man That sucks about Clyde. Well, let's get going, shall we.
Nah. Dude, I can't go to a birthday party while Clyde is missing.
Yeah, it's kind of weird.
Cartman
Yeah, Yeah. I think you're right but on the other hand I think Clyde would want us to go. You know Clyde.
Nah, I can't. We should help look for him.
That's very good of you boys. We can postpone Casa Bonita till next Saturday.
Cartman
Next Saturday?!! I'll never be able to keep Clyde down in the depts of my heart for that long. I sure he shows up he turns up before then.
Dude we should check over at Stark's pond Clyde always hangs out there.
Yeah and we should try the football field.
Cartman
OH God damn it. I'm going to try to keep Clyde down in that Bomb Shelter for a whole week.
Wait up, Eric, we need to stay together. (her phone rings) Oh, hold on boys, that's my cell phone. (takes it out of her purse and answers it) Hello? Yes. Oh, that's great! (to the boys) Boys, they found Clyde! (Cartman starts to panic) He's okay!
...yes, Eric Cartman is with us. Why? (she starts to get furious) Oh, really.
Yes, I will certainly let him know! Thank you! (hangs up) Well, it appears that Eric here is responsible for Clyde missing, because HE wanted to go to Casa Bonita.
Eric, the South Park Police are already on their way here to have a little talk with you!
Cartman
But... Casa Bonita!
I should have known better! You never cared about my birthday at all!
Cartman
But I... (turns back and holds Kyle) Stand back!
Cartman, you don't have to do this.
Cartman
I am going to Casa Bonita! (the boys hear police sirens)
It's too late, fatass, they'll be here in less than a minute!
Cartman
Ah...nyah! (throws Kyle and runs inside Casa Bonita in a state of panic) Less than a minute! Less than a minute!
Dude, that new kid is such a douche.
Cartman
Yeah, somebody needs to put him in his place.
He's a pecker-face, that's what he is.
Cartman
Go kick his ass, Stan!
[unsure] W-—maybe he won't fight.
Cartman
Will he bleed? That's all we care about.
Come on, dude, somebody needs to wipe that buckskin smirk off his face.
Alright, I'm going to go kick his leg. [leaves to do so]
Cartman
Yeah, go Stan! Go Stan! ...alright, I've got five bucks on the other kid, who wants in?
Cartman
Uh oh, the jilted lover returns!
Listen, I just wanted to let you know you don't have to worry about me trying to be your friend anymore.
Look, maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense. And maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don't care if Joseph Smith made it all up. Because what the church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that's stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you're so high and mighty you couldn't look past my religion and just be my friend back. You got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.
[Gary leaves. Stan just stands and stares in shock at what just happened]
Cartman
Darn, that kid is cool, huh?
South Park Elementary. Kids are made to watch a ridiculous dance number in auditorium
DNDance Number
Butt out, come on, give that cigarette butt a throw!...And remember kids, if you don't smoke, you can grow up to be just like us!
[Stan and the others are seen fervently smoking in the next scene]
Cartman
Oh, shit! Here comes Mr. Mackey.
[The boys throw their still-lit cigarettes into a nearby dumpster, then manage to stop coughing]
Cartman
[to Kyle] YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
Cartman
Everyone's gonna be charitable, and give money to your family instead of buying Christmas presents! YOU FUCKING JEWS RUIN CHRISTMAS AGAIN! [screams and charges Kyle. Stan and Kenny rush forward and pull him back]
Cartman
It wasn't enough for you people to kill Jesus, now you have to kill Christmas too, huh!?
TMr. Twong
Hello, welcome Shitty Airline!
Cartman
Oh no, no, no, no, I am not flying in that thing.
'Cause, dude, I'll fucking die!
You're not gonna die, Kenny, don't be stupid!
Cartman
You guys get Ike. Kenny and I will stay here and watch the fort.
No, you're both coming. Do you care about Christmas or not?
Cartman
Of course I care about Christmas! Oh, Christ on a stick!
South Park · 1,569 quotes
