Where'd you get all this stuff?
Thanks. [Clears throat] So, I had my prelim hearing.
Yeah. My lawyer's gonna try to get me probation if I plead guilty.
Might have to serve a little time though.
All right. I suppose we'll manage.
Why would you want to do that?
Because you'll get convicted.
You don't think I know that? You don't think I'm blaming myself enough already so I need you to do it too? [Sighs]
So how long are you in prison if, ah, if you lose?
So that makes me almost 25, still at home, taking care of the kids.
Ghetto chick leaves her drսg addict boyfriend's coke out for her three-year-old brother to eat. Half a gram in the system. Yeah, you're right. You can totally win.
I didn't do it on purpose.
[Sighs] (again) I turned my back, for, like, two seconds, and now my life is ruined? How is that fair?
You're his guardian. You signed up for this.
Of course, this is all about you.
Yes, it's about me. Okay, 'cause it's never about me and I'm finally making it about me.
So what, I'm supposed to drop out of school you do five years?
LIAM NOT DIED! And that was you! All f****** you! Your coke, your boyfriend, your f***** up life! It's not mine. All right.
CarlFrank's passed out up in the bathroom.
Oh, f*ck. S***. He's shooting heroin now.
Carl
Is he dead?
Carl
He s*** himself.
All right, use a f****** towel. I got him. You got him?
Carl
Where we taking him?
Where we always do-- street.
Good. You're home. You deal with him.
Must have had too many oxys.
Save it. All right? Just get him the f*ck out of the house.
I warned you. Now go! Carl, come here. Get rid of any evidence in Frank's room, all right?
He is too sick to leave the house.
Yeah, no s***! You just let him s**** a bunch of f****** H!
What if the social worker had showed up right now?
These kids would've been taken away. And what do you care, huh? You just want to make nicey-nicey with daddy. You get the **** out of my house!
[Frank and Carl are in a meeting with all the boys Carl has assaulted and their parents and the school principal]
Frankly, Mr. Gallagher, your son's behavior has been among the most egregious I've seen at this school, and I've been here a long time. Don't look a day over 90. He terrorizes these students to the point that they move through my halls in fear. School should not be a palace of terror. It should be a temple of learning. If children do not feel safe, how can they learn?
Carl
She's asking me, Chipwich.
The only way to get through to Carl is have him face the truth of what he's done and let him absorb it in a meaningful way. Do that, okay? He can't just do it. He needs to actively engage. Got any suggestions?
He should apologize to my kid and every other kid here. Individually. Like he means it.
Oh, spare us the Wiener act. Bullying is a vital part of every ecosystem. It teaches kids resilience. The world is a rough place. Bullying is like getting inoculated. It's a vaccine. And you little shit, you got to learn to stay away from people like my son. That's what you learn when you get punched in the face by a bully. How do you think Steve Jobs turned out so great? Bullies. And I guarantee Junior here will be getting the hottest chicks when he's 30 because he got bullied today. You want your kid to peak now? My kid will be picking up roadside garbage in an orange jumpsuit in ten years. Your kid will be in med school curing cancer and getting laid. You're welcome.
Carl
What if I want to cure cancer?
Be lucky you don't get gonorrhea from your cell mate. Spoken with love, son.
My bitch of a wife thinks I owe her something. Like I'm the only guy ever dropped a fucking load in her.
MIMan in car
Boys. Ride around the block?
We look like a couple fags for sale to you?
Well, this ain't Macy's, bitch. You ain't window-shopping.
MIMan in car
You're in Boystown, outside a bar called The Fairy Tail.
Why don't you fuck off before I give you a broken spine to go along with that limp wrist? [Mickey picks up a bottle, man drives off and Mickey throws it at the driver] Yeah, get going, you fucking fruit! Thinks he can buy whatever he wants 'cause he's got a fucking Rolex and an S-class. That shit happen to you a lot?
...
You have an econ quiz in two hours.
Uh, right, you know, about that, I-I couldn't help but notice the schedule.
Yeah, no, I thought it might have been you, and you broke it down into five-minute segments. I mean, who schedules something for 12:55?
So you can better manage your time.
Right, but you even put in preset bathroom breaks.
I synced it to your new phone.
Thank you. But seriously, this-- this schedule, it's just-- it's-- it's not me, okay? I'm not used to having my dumps planned out in advance. You know, it's-- I can't-- I can't regiment my life like that, all right?
That's why I'm doing it for you.
Okay, I guess I'm just more of a, uh, fly by the seat of my pants kind of guy.
How's that working out for you?
How 'bout a quick BJ then?
BJ break isn't for another 45 minutes.
...
[Kenyatta walks up to Mickey walking down the street from Mickey's house]
Mandy, she here last night?
No, I was at work. I kept calling the house, no answer. Then I call her cell, she say she's at home. She with Lip?
You just keep putting two and two together, huh? Hey, good for you, Einstein.
[referring to Mickey's house] He in this motherfucker?
Nah, asshole's at college. It's a big place, lots of buildings. People go there to learn. Don't worry about it.
West Maxwell. [to Kenyatta while walking away] Hey, you planning on giving a beat down to every guy Mandy's been with? Your arms are gonna get fucking tired!
...
[Carl has just spraypainted "PRINCIPAL RAMIREZ IS CARL GALLAGERS (sic) BITCH" on the school lockers]
Carl
Stating the obvious.
You just bought yourself two more weeks' detention.
Carl
Cool.
You know, you misspelled your last name.
Carl
I shot a a Mac-10 before. But never one of those.
Carl
Looks real.
Need it to if we're gonna get the guy behind the counter to give us all the money in the register. You don't have to. I can do it alone.
Carl
No, I can do it.
Sure you're ready to pop your armed robbery cherry?
Carl
Yeah, I've done it lots of times before.
You're cute. Black or camo? [Holds up balaclavas]
...
HSHR secretary
How you holding up?
I've been better. I was wondering if, uh, instead of being fired for misconduct, you could make it so that I was downsized? I don't-- I wouldn't ask if I had any other options.
HSHR secretary
Let me see what I can do. [Mike's sister walks up to Fiona]
MSMike's sister
You have a hell of a lot of nerve. You know, I-I-I withheld judgment when my brother brought you home. I said to myself, "She can't help where she came from, how she was raised, who her parents are." My mom and dad invited you into their home. They let you sit at their table with our family, and in return you destroyed Mike. All of us. And now you come here and you ask if we will lie for you to the federal government. You think that you're a good person. You're not. Destroy your own family. And leave mine alone. [Fiona walks away looking fatalistic]
...
[Aiming gun at clerk] Empty the register!
CSConvenience store clerk
Is this a joke?
CSConvenience store clerk
Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm just gonna hand over my money to the lollipop guild. [Bonnie discharges her firearm destroying a tv] Whoa, shit! Holy fuck.
CSConvenience store clerk
Sorry. Okay? Take it.
Carl
You said it was fake.
You should have seen your face.
[Chuckie is sleeping nearby in the boys bedroom]
What are we supposed to do with him?
Carl
We could drop him off at the butcher over at the Food 4 Less, see if they'll chop him up for bacon.
We having bacon for breakfast?
Carl
Nah, we're eating Chuckie.
She's sleeping with you now?
Carl
Your girlfriend sleeps with you.
Yeah, Amanda's 20, not 12.
Carl
Bonnie's 13.
I still don't want her sleeping with you.
Carl
She doesn't want to have sex, something about her mom's old boyfriend and a biker gang.
What? What the... What happened to your head? Wh... what the fuck?
You have no idea how good this feels. We should shave our head every fucking summer. What? I-- Wait.
Okay. First of all, why was there a hooker's tit in my baby's mouth?
All right, with the hooker. It's Svetlana. And we ran out of formula, so we had to improvise.
You coulda called me. I would've brought you some formula. Or maybe she coulda went out and got some.
God didn't make formula, Veronica. God made boobs for a reason.
Hey. What's going-- Oh shit. Kev.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Debbie? What the fuck? Did you do this?
Know what? I think it's time for baby's nap. Okay, excuse me. Okay, bye-bye.
What happened to your hair?
If it was lice again, I could have washed it.
No, no, it was hot. And the kids were pulling on it.
I loved that hair. That-- that was my hair, Kev. I... How could you do this? How could he do this?
V, it's just hair. It'll grow back.
You fed our baby hooker's milk and you shaved your head.
Okay, okay, let's go, okay. We're just going to go. Let's go dance. Come on, let's go to the bar.
It's just a fucking haircut.
Keep telling yourself that. Come on, let's go. See you, Kev.
...
[Ian, Mickey and two friends are watching behind a door]
PPastor
Mandy, you sweet, sweet girl. It's still a sin of the flesh.
But God wants my mouth on you. He wants you to feel his love through me. Look away, Pastor. I don't want you to see me sinning. I don't want you to think less of me.
PPastor
But God granted you such beauty, Mandy.
But if you don't watch, then I can pretend I'm praying.
[A friend has taken Mandy's place and is fellating the pastor]
PPastor
[Moans in pleasure] Yes.
[Mickey, Ian and a friend are all filming and taking pictures, with camera lights flashing]
PPastor
What-- what is this?
PPastor
Yes. Really fast. What are you doing?
Yes. Oh, I'm Tweeting. Facebook too. And done. So what are you going to tell the press, Pastor? That you thought you were getting blown by a teenage girl? Or by God himself?
...
It's just a haircut. Why is everyone freaking out?
It's not just a haircut. It's you... you look like...
What? I look like a what?
Carl
Whoa, you look like a hooker.
That is not a compliment, Debbie.
Carl
Totally is. Hookers are hot.
Debbie. You're a smart girl. What are you doing hanging out with whores?
I don't know. You're a smart girl. Why are you on probation for drugs?
Your friends still aren't talking to you?
You know, your haircut actually looks pretty cute. But you're gonna have to take that makeup down by at least half.
What are you doing right now? You want to come and see a band with me?
My wife, Lisa, and I just moved into the house down the street.
Carl
Adamecs had three kids. Bank threw them out.
I'm sorry to hear that. Listen, was your car towed this morning?
Carl
We don't have a car, so, no. [Note: What happened to the Ford Taurus Carl stole with Bonnie in the previous season?]
Our Range Rover was. All the parking signs on the south side of the street were moved to the north side, and there are heroin needles in the alley and serial rapist flyers. It's like the neighborhood went to shit overnight. You know anything about it?
Carl
No, sorry.
Hmm. F.Y.I. [Whispers dramatically] We don't scare easily. [She leaves]
...
[Debbie drinks orange juice outside her house front door and then screams to the neighbourhood]
I am a woman!
...
[Fiona is at Gus' place eating gumbo sent to him by his father out of bowl while standing]
This gumbo is fucking delicious.
Carl
Are you good with fractions?
Carl
Like if you have a 16th of an ounce of something, how many grams would that be?
Carl
No.
If Fiona found out I was helping you with your drug fractions, she'd have my scalp.
Carl
No one's telling Fiona anything.
Basic overview. You got flaps, half G's, G's, teeners, 8 balls, and ounces. An ounce is 28 grams, but really it's 28.35. An 8-ball is 3.54, and a teener is 1.77. But the dealers round down. So they pocket the extra 0.35. You following?
Carl
I might need to write this down.
Shameless · 903 quotes
