Fiona Gallagher quotes from Shameless

Fiona

This is about you. This is about what you didn’t do. This is about what I did. And you know what? I did a fucking great job. Debbie’s class president. She’s on the debate team, going on nationals. And Lip, he’s top of his class. He’s set the curve. Ian got promoted on ROTC and he tested out of English. And Carl made something blow up for his science fair. And you know what? They did it all, no thanks to you, because you weren’t here.

Fiona

[To Frank, regarding Peg] It's tough, huh? My parents suck too.

Fiona

[To Steve] Figure out that chick sitting on my sofa wearing your wedding ring and then we'll talk.

Fiona

Frank is like scabies; you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try.

Fiona

If I had to apologize for all the stuff my dad has done, I wouldn't have a voice left.

Fiona

[to Jimmy] I don't mean to be an asshole. It's just... genetic.

Fiona

You know what I want? Not to win the lottery or go on vacation to the Caribbean. I want normal people problems. Like, am I getting enough fiber? Why did my friend say that insensitive thing about my weight?

Fiona

Frank's a cockroach. You can stomp on him, spray him, try and drown him, but he always comes crawling back up out of the toilet bowl.

Fiona

At least I don't have a tiny penis!

Fiona

Can't. I turn into a pumpkin at 9:00. [Holds up ankle and points to house arrest monitor]

Fiona

Hey, you got any old clothes for Carl? Shirt with a collar. Nice shoes. Something that doesn't scream "I'm a gangster. Lock me up. Throw away the key"?

Steve

[answers phone] Hello?

Fiona

If that wasn't bullshit, what was I wearing?

Steve

Huh?

Fiona

First time you saw me, if that wasn't a lie.

Steve

Black top with gold trim, black shiny jeans, thin shoes... straps... sandals. With your hair pinned high. Dangly gold earrings that made me smile. A big watch... too big, so it slid up your arm. But it looked great. And you were dancing next to red-haired girl in a green dress.

Fiona

Yeah, yeah. Jenna. It was Jenna's birthday. So you were - you were watching her. She's a lot better looking than me.

Steve

You think so? Really?

Fiona

Yeah, so how come you're not stalking Jenna?

Steve

Because you... you think like that and Jenna doesn't. Jenna dances for an audience. You dance like there's no one else in the room. Your life's not simple, Fiona, and you can't stop it from showing because you're no fake. You're not lost, you don't need finding. This whole city belongs to the Jennas, but I'm sick of them. I swear, Fiona, you're nothing like anyone I've ever met. You make me want to enjoy my life again. Are you there? Fiona?

Steve

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. What have I ever done to anybody, never mind you, that made me look unreliable? Un... unreliable.

Fiona

People like you are just way too used to getting your own way.

Steve

And by people like me you mean people like what? Okay, wait, all right. Yes-no. All you got to do is agree or disagree. He thinks the sun shines out of his own ass. Agree or disagree.

Fiona

Agree.

Steve

He's overly generous and that bugs me.

Fiona

Agree.

Steve

Because I'm not used to get...

Fiona

Actually very agree.

Steve

Because I'm not used to getting spoiled. Okay. So I lose respect for guys like Steve because people unlike Steve or people diametrically opposite to Steve have always let me down. So deciding that he's overeducated and has more money than sense is somehow more socially acceptable than asking myself, for instance, why do the men I always date treat me like shit?

Fiona

Fuck you. [She gets up and starts to leave]

Steve

It's a question.

Fiona

Fuck you.

Steve

Either-or. [She stops and sits back down]

Fiona

Agree.

Steve

He's had a easy life.

Fiona

Definitely.

Steve

And you prefer a guy who's been around the block a few times.

Fiona

What if I do?

Steve

Say, D block of a maximum security prison?

Fiona

If he knew how to have fun, yeah, sure.

Steve

Fiona, I can't help my upbringing. So how come it's me again having to apologize for mine?

Fiona

Who's asking you to?

We finished here, guys?

Steve

We're working on it. You want to wait outside while I pay the bill?

Fiona

Sure.

Steve

He's on break?

Any second now.

Steve

All right. [He puts on valet jacket and he and Fiona leave the restaurant] Good evening, sir. [Sports car owner gives him key]

Thanks. [Steve drives ahead]

Steve

I don't buy and sell cars. I just sell them. But the cars I sell are mainly, uh, not mine. [Steve reverses back] Still looking for fun, Fiona?

Fiona

[She gets in] Go.

Ian

[To Frank] Hey. Is that my shirt?

Frank

Yeah.

Ian

I-I'm just asking. [Frank headbutts Ian in the nose in front of whole family]

Steve

Whoa!

Frank

Guy in the bar said to pass it on.

Steve

What the fuck is wrong with you, Frank?!

Fiona

Jesus Christ, Dad!

Steve

You're drunk, Frank, you're drunk!

Frank

This-this is drunk? Stop it, okay, Steve? You want to see drunk?

Steve

Don't do this to your kids, Frank.

Frank

Aw, what are you, a tough guy, Steve? You think you're a fuckin' tough guy? Because you look like a premenstrual Filipino!

Fiona

Steve, go! Get out!

Steve

Hey, just go.

Frank

He's shitting his pants. Pussy.

Steve

You're pathetic, Frank.

Fiona

Get out now! I mean it!

Frank

Come on. Don't go. Come on. Puss, puss, puss, puss. What? You want to say something, pussy? Mr. Joe fucking...Ah, get the... Pussy.

Veronica

Ice.

Frank

It's a bloody nose. He's not dying.

Veronica

Really, Frank?

Frank

Anybody notice that I'm bleeding?

Officer Tony

You can't file a missing persons report on Frank.

Fiona

Why not? Frank's always missing.

Officer Tony

That's what I said. I mean, he's probably just sleeping it off at a friend's place.

Fiona

He hasn't got any friends. Who'd give him a bed? Come on, we've found him in dumpsters, garbage trucks, Mrs. Lutski's bathtub. Never on the last Friday of the month.

Officer Tony

What's Friday have to do with anything?

Fiona

It's the last Friday?

Officer Tony

I'll call my watch commander.