Frank Gallagher quotes from Shameless

Frank

When I was a kid, we could go to a birthday party and our parents wouldn't worry that we were gonna get stolen out of the front yard by some perv. That's when America had values. Before Wal-Mart and Dukakis, peanut butter and jelly in one jar. [To an officer] You know, you're too young to remember this, but there was a time when policemen were respected, when young men wanted to fight for their country. When you could go vote twice for Mayor Daley, down at the 11th Ward. Before some liberal pricks elected a Muslim who isn't even American?

Frank

Just knowing your tits are trying to kill you... that's gotta suck. I mean, mine's in my balls. So they've got a reason to be pissed. Tucked between two legs, wedged right near your asshole. There's no good way to sit. No underwear that's been devised to hold 'em effectively in place. They're a bizarre appendage. An afterthought. Which is why I don't believe in intelligent design. There is no God. We're all gonna die.

Frank

[After catching Ian and Mickey together] Front door was locked so I came in the back. No pun intended.

Frank

[Announcing to the rising sun on a sandspit on Lake Michigan on the Chicago waterfront] That all you got? That's it? I'm still here, you fucker! Frank Gallagher! I'm alive! You see me? You see me standing here? [Chuckle] You lost, asshole! I'm alive, motherfucker! Me, Frank Gallagher! Alive. Alive.

Frank

You know, I'd hug you but neither of us would like that.

Frank

Looks like a tough night for the new liver. [Slides shot glass to a rat on the floor]

Frank

Somebody muzzle that kid.

Frank

[Over arguing with Veronica whether he's entitled to a drink on the house] When did your heart get as black as your skin?! [Veronica then stares at him in total disbelief then Bianca intervenes, offering to pay for his drink]

Frank

You have not lived until you've heard the bones of your enemy being crushed under 3,000 pounds of Detroit steel.

Frank

I can't offer you much, but what I can do is-- is be your chauffeur on the limousine ride to the pearly gates!

Frank

That central market's like a narco Kmart. Guy offered me a gallon jug of Propofol for 50 bucks.

Frank

[Walks into an African-American barbershop] Do you take walk-ins? [Staff and patrons stare silently]

Frank

[Soliciting outside grocery store] Don't let the death of an orphaned African child be on your conscience this holiday season. $20 buys him food for a day. Thank you. Thank you so much. His parents were mauled by vicious rebels. He has AIDS. Please, give money. Yeah, save that 20 for a bag of Peruvian mangoes. Tropical fruit is more important than a dying orphan. Keep shivering. That's really great. His immune system is breaking down. We need money for doctors. Oh, you have no money? And you're going into a grocery store? Interesting. Don't let the death of an orphaned African child be on your conscience this holiday season. $20 buys him food for a day. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Frank

They tell you begging has no dignity. It's beneath you. Well, no bastard ever came home from earning $8.25 an hour feeling proud. Minimum wage? Just a fancy term for industrialized slavery. We're in a war. A war with the privileged. Those aren't streets you're sitting on. They're battlefields! And it is our duty to fight the comfortable and the overfed. So go forth, you sons of bitches. Go forth, and take their money!

Frank

[Sets up new laundry machine and plugs it in] Daddy Frank, you are a serious badass and an essential member of this family. [Water spews from machine and a panel falls off back] Well, shit.