Sheila Jackson quotes from Shameless

Sheila

Sometimes when I see the word "hospice" on the screen, I pronounce it "ho-spice" in my head.

Sheila

Oh! Oh! I thought you took a vow of silence. The silence doesn't include the internet? You have been blogging about me every day?

Sheila

Well, sometimes, sweetie, when people are in love, they don't tell someone everything for a reason.

Debbie

That's like lying.

Sheila

No, sweetie, it's just... it's a little editing.

Sheila

What's the matter with you?

Eddie

Did she tell you? Did she tell you what she said?

Sheila

You called our daughter a whore.

Eddie

How about what she did to me?

Sheila

Just get out. Out.

Eddie

What?

Sheila

Just get out. Get out! Get out! [She starts shoving him out of the house]

Eddie

Did she mention what she did to me?

Sheila

She's a human being. She deserves love, not hate.

Eddie

You weren't there. I knew all those people.

Sheila

Don't ever come back. Don't come back!

Eddie

She just kept going on and on.

Sheila

Go! Get out! Don't ever come back. Forever! [Eddie gets in vehicle and drives away with Frank walking by] Frank. Frank, did you see what Eddie did to my Karen?

Frank

You're out of the house.

Sheila

What?

Frank

You're out of the house.

Sheila

L... I got so mad I came out of the house. I'm out of the house!

Sheila

Hi, Manny! Hi, Therese!

Sheila

[Calling outside house to Frank sleeping on couch] Frank...! Wake up! Frank, come on, I have something wonderful to tell you. Hurry, I've had an epiphany! [Frank opens door to Sheila holding up an eggplant] Frank... Do you know what this is?

Frank

Eggplant?

Sheila

Liberation.

Frank

No, no, no.

Sheila

Rebirth.

Frank

Not with all the king's vaseline.

Sheila

Freedom!

Frank

That won't fit.

Sheila

Frank... Fuck you, Gallagher. I made it all the way to Manny's produce truck today-- 214 steps. I went to just do my extra ten steps, and then I saw the eggplant and the rows of beets and the organic squash, and I just kept going.

Frank

Manny's pushing organic now?

Sheila

This is just the start.

Frank

The scourge of gentrification. Next he'll be Hawking that coffee grown in cat shit.

Sheila

Frank, I am shopping, I am part of the economy, I am myself again.

Frank

Here we go.

Sheila

Today... A grocery truck, tomorrow the world.

Sheila

[Sheila and Frank are ready to go out] Frank, you are always like that after sex. Seriously, you're like a little steam engine. Now come on, you're already late for work. Let's go. Come on. Come on. [A plane wheel crashes down and narrowly misses her, Sheila immediately reverts back to her agoraphobia and goes back into the house]

Frank

[Kneels down and clasps both hands in reverential gratitude to the higher power] Thank you. Thank you.

Peg

[Holds up a jar] What's that? What's it look like?

Carl

A finger.

Peg

Yeah. [Holds up a gun] You can touch it, but never put your finger on the trigger unless you're gonna shoot someone. You like secrets? So do I. Hold out your hands. [Gives Carl the gun] Our little secret, all right?

Sheila

There are important decisions to be made. This money comes with responsibility Can you run downstairs and ask Jody for the paprika? Trusts, tax evasion, liquidity.

Frank

As soon as Eddie's claim is settled and that check comes, we have to--

Sheila

Frank.

Frank

What?

Sheila

I can't let you be in charge of Eddie's insurance money, sweetheart. You're an alcoholic.

Frank

I wasn't talking about me.

Sheila

Okay.

Frank

Did you think I meant me?

Sheila

No. We need a highly experienced professional.

Frank

Yeah, that's right. And for the record, many great men have been well-lubricated. Henry Ford, Scott Fitzgerald, David Hasselhoff... they all kept a bottle close.

Karen

Mom?

Frank

Beethoven's Fifth. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Kevin

Hey, listen, about the bathroom....

Veronica

Nothing happened in the bathroom.

Kevin

Well, whatever didn't happen, I'm sorry.

Veronica

What didn't happen in the bathroom, Steve, did not happen.

Sheila

Quiet, please.

Jody

Quiet, everyone.

Sheila

I'm sorry that I didn't make it all the way down the stairs today... but, baby steps.

Jody

That's right, Mom.

Hear, hear.

Sheila

Oh, my Karen, my baby, all grown up. I so wish your father could have been here today. I wish he could have seen you, our sweet girl, all grown up. And I know he would be so proud of his grandbaby...no matter who the father was, except Frank. Heh. He hated Frank. Heh. But it couldn't be Frank, because there wasn't any penetration. Eddie didn't like being penetrated. He had a funny bump on the side of his penis...that we thought was cancer...but it turned out I was just being too rough on him, so....There's been some obstacles and some pitfalls...but she's made some wonderful, wonderful friends along the way. Like Lip and all the Gallaghers.

Sheila

People I just used to only know as the ones in that house...where the cops always came.

Jesus, is that bitch ever gonna shut up?

Oh.

Sheila

And Frank's mother. We're just so honored that you're here, even though you weren't even invited. And not really honored, because you're a convicted felon. But you're out now, aren't you? Why did they let you out? Because you're a loud, mean, vicious bitch.

Karen

Okay, Mom, let's open presents.

Why don't you do yourself and everyone else a favor and shut up?

Sheila

Have I offended you? In my home, where you're an interloper?

No one wants to hear it, you fucking windbag.

Karen

Okay, Mom, let's go upstairs.

Sheila

She called me a Wacker Drive whore.

Fiona

Frank.

Frank

Let them work it out.

Sheila

And I don't know how an angel like that man...could have come out of your poisoned womb.

Shut up, you batty bitch.

Sheila

You know what? You've got a demon mind and a devil's womb and heart. And your coochie smells of brimstone and sulfur!

I will fuck you up. [She draws a handun]

Kevin

Shit! Shit! No!

Sheila

Do it! Do it!

Oh, my God, there's a woman with a gun. She's at a party. She's shooting people

Sheila

Frank?

Frank

My mother has cancer.

Sheila

The bad kind?

Frank

As opposed to? I'm gonna be an orphan.

Sheila

Well... things worked out for Oliver Twist. And Annie.

Frank

She found a way to abandon me one last time.

Sheila

The sun'll come out, just like the song says.

Frank

God, do you know how many years I've prayed for this moment? I'll be free.

Sheila

Well, this might not be nice to say, but if anyone deserves cancer, it's your mother.

[Wheels in paralytic man] Sheila, Ruben.

Sheila

Oh...

Got shot by his pimp, infection in his spine.

Sheila

Ooh. Oh. Hi. Oh.

He can't hear you. Deaf since birth. That's why he started sucking a crack pipe. I'm proud to say young Ruben's come to see the Lord... does not accept excuses in exchange for first-class transportation upstairs. Heh. Been clean a year now.

Sheila

Father, just a moment please?

Of course. He came to us three years ago during one of our... winter nights for the homeless.

Sheila

Yeah.

Hung on a lot longer than any of us expected. Saints be praised.

Sheila

No, that wasn't-

We just can't afford to keep him. State cutbacks. You'll receive $50 a clay for food and whatever else he needs... but let's just say I'm not going to be making any surprise visits. Heh, heh.

Sheila

Father, I've... I've done a terrible thing. I don't recognize myself anymore. When I look in the mirror, it's like another person is staring back at me... and I'm just- I'm lost.

Your purpose in life was to build a happy family, and you achieved that. And now, your husband's passed and your daughter's ready to fly the nest. But you're still needed. This is your purpose now.

Sheila

Hi, Ruben! I'm Sheila! Okay. Great. Yeah, this will be great. Hey, sweetheart, is everything okay?

Sheila

Anthony Bourdain? Sanjay Gupta? Nancy Grace. There's gotta be a missing white girl somewhere. Aw, Ruben, I'm trying. No? You don't want TV, you don't eat. Do you have a wish? Before you go? Anything I can get you? Yeah? Oh. Oh, I don't- I'm not sure what you mean. Oh.

Jody

[Comes in with groceries] Milk. Eggs.

Sheila

Aw...

Jody

Hey, bro. He can't hear you.

Sheila

Is it getting cold out there?

Jody

I could use a shower.

Sheila

That's not a good idea.

Jody

[Ruben starts signing to Jody] Hey, I- uh... Okay, I'll tell her. I spent the past few months learning baby sign language. He says he hates créme brulée. It gives him the runs.

Sheila

Oh. I noticed that. Is there anything he does like? What do you wanna eat?

Jody

Know how to make cake? Strawberry shortcake.

Sheila

Strawberry shortcake?

Jody

No, he says, "Fuck that. " Vanilla cake with a shitload of Grand Marnier. Hey, you need to watch your language, bro. Uh, there's one more thing before he kicks it. Uh... Want to fuck. Hey! Out of line, bro. That's a lady right there.

Sheila

What'd he say?

Jody

He's sorry. He'll settle for something else.

Sheila

Oh...

Carl

[Referring to Karen's baby] That thing looks weird.

Sheila

I think he looks beautiful.

Debbie

What's wrong with him?

Fiona

He has Down syndrome, Debs.

Lip

Yeah, and he's Asian.

Kev

Maybe we're just looking at him upside down.

Lip

What the fuck, Karen?!

Karen

I never said it was yours. You just wanted it to be.

Sheila

Mama's so tired. Don't you want to give your wee lungs a-- [Carries Hymie outside while taking out the trash and sets Hymie on trash can] Oh, god, that's so loud. [Carrie bucket inside mistaking it for Hymie's carrier] Everything's so loud. Maybe we can... have Jody rub your tummy. And Mama, she can take a little nap. [sighs] I don't remember Karen causing such a fuss as you, Hymie. Maybe it's from your Chinese side. Okay. [Lies on couch for nap]

Jody

Cool, you got hymie to quiet down?

Sheila

[Gets up and frantically out door] Hymie! No...! he's not trash! Whoa! Whoa! He's not trash! No, hymie! No! [Crying] Oh, hymie...! :Sheila: Oh, my god! Hymie. I'm so sorry!

Jody

It's okay, Sheila, he's fine.

Sheila

No, but he was almost swallowed up by the truck! Oh, my--I'm such a terrible mother.

Jody

No, you're just- you're just a tired mother.

Sheila

[Sobs] No, I-- I don't deserve to live.

Jody

[Fixing kitchen light fixture] Damn, it's hot up here

Sheila

That's because heat rises.

Jody

Then how come space is so cold? [Someone knocks on door] I got it.

Sheila

Who's at the door? [Jody opens door ]

Jody

Hey.

Frank

Hey, uh...

Sheila

Who's at the door, baby? [Frank comes in and Sheila gasps] No! Frank, no!

Frank

Wait.

Sheila

You- first of all, get out! Get out!

Frank

Just hear me out.

Sheila

You are not allowed in here. Get out!

Frank

DFS pinched my kids. I need you to pretend to be Monica to help me get them back.

Sheila

What? No! No! Why should I do anything for you? You left Hiram all alone.

Frank

I am begging you. As someone who knows what it feels like to lose a kid. Karen ran away. Can you imagine what it must feel like to have them taken from you? This isn't for Frank, okay? It's for Debbie and Carl and Liam. Maybe you should do it, Shelly-Bear...For the kids.

Sheila

And now that you're home, I'm sure the Wongs will let us spend more time with him.

Karen

I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet.

Sheila

I know you want to be involved in Hymie's life. In fact, I found a flyer for a support group.

Karen

Support for what?

Sheila

For families affected with Down's Syndrome. I thought it might be a way for us to educate ourselves about Hymie's needs.

Sheila

Butt out, Frank!

Sheila

Um, Frank.

Frank

Uh-huh?

Sheila

Honey, we've been through a lot together.

Frank

That we have, Sheils, that we have.

Sheila

Um, but Hymie's gone, and with Karen and Jody here, it's kind of a full house.

Frank

What? No. No, no, no, don't say that.

Sheila

Frank, I'm just asking you to go home to your family.

Frank

My family threw me out with no regard for my well-being. Do you want me homeless? Do you want me wandering the streets just as old man winter winds his way down from the frozen north?

Sheila

Don't you have someone you can stay with, like a friend?

Frank

Just as I'm getting my life together. I'm going to AA.

Sheila

You go because a judge ordered you to go.

Frank

Sheila.

Sheila

Frank, you're a good man, but you've got to find another place to stay.

Okay, listen up. Some of you have inquired about our petition. We have demanded that Lincoln Grove high school offer programs for special students to help them fit in with their classmates. [Applause]

Sheila

Aren't you glad we came?

Karen

Yeah.

Great, also concerning the "R" word, we have demanded a school policy forbidding students and faculty from using that word.

Retard.

Excuse me.

Retard. You can't even say it. So how do we talk about it?

We all know your opinion on this, Jeremy. But right now I'm the one speaking.

Brothers and sisters, words only have power if we give them power. We must take back the word "retard." Make it ours.

Sweetheart, the rest of us find the word offensive.

I'm not your sweetheart, bitch. [All attendees gasp]

Mrs. Kandage, I know you mean well, but many of us here think it's time that we reclaim and redefine the word. And since normies don't get called "retard," they don't have a say in this. Normies do not get a say.

Sheila

What's a "normie?"

Jody

I think it's slang for non-retards.

Hey, Fabio, do you mind?

Jody

Sorry.

I don't care how it's used. I don't want anybody calling my son that word ever. It's incredibly hurtful.

Even if we did get rid of it, someone will just think up another way of saying it.

That's right. The queers took back their word. It's different.

How is it different? It's not like race issues disappear if people stop saying nigger.

[Gets up and points to father] Shut the fuck up!

I can say it, you can't.

Retards, we must ban together. The way to get respect is to take respect, and normies can help us get that message out. Raise your hand if you're with us!

Yeah.

[Starts chant] Me-tard, you-tard, retard nation. [Entire PTA meeting joins in chanting]