Mickey Milkovich quotes from Shameless

Mickey

Get in here, I wanna show you something. Come on, check it out. Wife made me take all my Nazi shit down. She hates Nazis. Apparently, the Russians kicked some serious Kraut ass in WWII, so she can drink me under the fucking table, man. It's weird.

Mickey

Sold! To the man with the barcalounger fetish!

Mickey

When did Sammi start hanging out at the Alibi? That girl is hornier than a three-peckered billy goat.

Mickey

Hey, people around here get their ass beat for missing Shameless. So sit down, shut up, and catch up. Or don't. I don't give a fuck. I'm happy to knock your fucking teeth out.

Karen

An hour and 54 minutes. Now, that's a record.

Lip

Yes. Now all we have to do is figure out how I can go back the same day and take it again for another kid. [Mickey and two goons walk up to them] Uh-oh.

Mickey

Hey, yo.

Lip

What do they want?

Karen

He probably just wants to ask me out again.

Lip

You're not interested?

Karen

If you like the smell of cow shit.

Mickey

Got a B-plus on that paper you wrote for me.

Lip

Spread the word. I could use the business. Heard they're letting Iggy out of juvie.

Mickey

My mom drove up to get him. Throwing a party for him this weekend.

Lip

He'll probably be back in before then, yeah?

Mickey

Ha, ha, probably. So Ian messed with Mandy.

Lip

Ian?

Mickey

Yeah.

Lip

That's, uh, highly unlikely.

Mickey

That's what Mandy told us.

Lip

Trust me, you got the wrong guy.

Mickey

Right, the problem is that Ian's been avoiding us all day, and, uh, someone's gotta get a beatdown till we find him.

Lip

Could make an exception.

Mickey

Not really, though.

Lip

Well, maybe, uh, Mandy's confusing Ian with any one of the other 400 dudes in the 10th grade she's already blown. [Mickey jabs Lip in the gut with a pole who falls down and the other two goons join in stomping Lip]

Mandy

Here he comes. You know, you didn't have to come with me.

Ian

Bad neighborhood.

Mandy

We live in a bad neighborhood.

Ian

Yeah, but we're related to the bad people in our bad neighborhood.

Mickey

The hell's he doing here?!

Mandy

Hey, Mick. He thought I needed protection.

Mickey

Oh, yeah? Trust me, you may think you know my sister, but you don't know my sister until you've fought my sister.

Ian

She's protecting your ass.

Mandy

You smell like barbecue sauce.

Mickey

Smell like what?! [Gets Mandy in a headlock]

Mandy

Oh, ow!

Mickey

What did dad tell you?!

Mandy

Ow!

Mickey

Fuck the police?!

Mandy

No titty twisters now that I'm a C cup! Ow!

Mickey

C cup? Bitch, you wish. [Turns to prison staff and yells generally waving both middle fingers] Hey, fuck you, fuck you, and especially fuck you.

Ian

All right, Jesus, let's get out of here before they throw you back in.

Ian

We've got nothing to be ashamed of.

Mickey

What fucking world you live in?

Ian

You don't... I don't want you to...

Mickey

What do you think? We're boyfriend and girlfriend here? You're nothing but a warm mouth to me.

Why they got you doing this, man?

Lip

B&E, theft, and assault.

[Scoffs] nice.

Lip

You?

Hit a kid with a brick. Kinda broke his face.

Lip

Hey, how many hours you get for that?

50.

Lip

Shit, man, I got 120. Least there's always someone with some weed.

Hey, got any weed?

Mickey

10 bucks a joint. [Sells him one]

See, what'd I tell you? [High-end vehicles pull up and clean-cut youths get out holding potted flowers] What's up with the geek squad? Is that the fucking cast of glee? Yeah. Looks like a bunch of do-gooders. More like a bunch of gonna get their ass kicked-ers.

Ian

Hey, did you really fuck Angie Zahgo today?

Mickey

Yeah, I fucked Angie. Everybody fucks Angie. You don't fuck Angie?

Ian

No.

Mickey

Huh. You want to fuck Angie? I can call her, get her down here.

Ian

No.

Mickey

I don't know what you see in that geriatric viagroid.

Ian

He buys me stuff. Orders me room service... He isn't afraid to kiss me.

Ian

Hey, you know that guy you beat the shit out off at that club? Want me to sneak into his mansion and take all of his crap.

Mickey

Really. Hilarious.

Ian

Can't get them himself. Divorce. Says I can take whatever I want. He's loaded. You want in? [Mickey holds up a pistol] Jesus! Use blanks, maybe!

Mickey

Can I bring my cousins?

Ian

Yeah.

Mickey

Alright. I'm in.

Mickey

My dad took my brothers on a run out of town for a couple of days so if you want to ditch that dump and crash at my place you can.

Ian

Was I just invited to a sleep over?

Mickey

Fuck you is what you were invited to.

Mickey

You fuck anyone in there yet?

Ian

God no!

Mickey

Wise choice. Even if you're propositioned it's probably just a set up. Guys wanna find out if you're gay and pound the shit out of you. And not in a good way.

Ian

Great.

Ian

I mean, there is just no privacy. If I want to jack off I've got to do it in the bathroom.

Mickey

I can't even begin to imagine what kind of pussy you'd be in juvie.

Ian

So is it true? You're getting married? So who is it? Is it Angie Zahgo Or some other piece of trash you screw so you can pretend I don't matter to you?

Mickey

[Ian breaks off a chunk and throws it near chunk Mickey] Hey, what the fuck, Gallagher?!

Ian

Oh, he speaks! [Mickey walks out of building ignoring him] So that's it! We're over?! Your dad beats the shit out of us, and you're just gonna get married, no conversation?! Nothing?! [Ian grabs Mickey who turns to him]

Mickey

Get the fuck off me!

Ian

Oh, you want to fag bash? That make you feel like a man? Come on. Go ahead! Do it! [Mickey punches Ian in the gut slumping down] You love me... And you're gay. Just admit it, just this once. Just fucking admit it. [Mickey punches Ian in the face falling down flat] You feel better now? You feel like a man?

Mickey

I feel better now.