[Carl climbs into G-Dogg's Cadillac Escalade]
Carl'Sup, G-Dogg?
GDG-Dogg
"'Sup"? Boy, you been blessed with an education. Try to sound like it.
Carl
What is up?
GDG-Dogg
"[Chuckles] Try "Good morning, sir."
Carl
Good morning, sir.
GDG-Dogg
"Good morning, Carl. And congratulations. You just got a promotion.
Carl
I did?
GDG-Dogg
Look, one of my runners took a bullet this morning, so I need you to take a run for me this afternoon.
Carl
A run? To where?
GDG-Dogg
Flint, Michigan.
Carl
Asshead, get in. [Referring to the van]
I thought you said we were going to play catch. What's in those bags, Carl?
Carl
Horse.
Why are you taping horse to my tummy?
Carl
Because I'm your uncle and you're my niece. And you do what I say.
Carl
I think I mean keep your mouth shut and keep it shut no matter what, and don't tell anyone a word about this, or else I'll tie a fucking tire around your tummy and set it on fire, even if you are my niece.
Carl
What's it feel like to be crazy?
Um, like I'm under a wet blanket and cotton mouth.
Carl
They give you shock therapy?
Carl
Could be me next, you know. You ever think about painting yourself and running around naked? I think about that. Or flying? I dream about that. That doesn't make you crazy, you know. What about pushing someone on the tracks when the train's coming? - You ever thought about that?
Carl
I heard about some guy that thought he had x-ray vision and could see girls' titties through their clothes. Maybe it's not that bad. You ever been to Michigan?
Put the drugs on Chuckie. Just strap him up.
Carl
Why?
Because you're 14, you look like a criminal, the cops can spot you a mile off, while Chuckie-- they take one look at that mongoloid, and all they want to do is look away. Here. Buy him a bus ticket. Yeah? And give your old man a taste for the effort.
Carl
I don't give a shit about Chuckie, but I'm pretty sure G-Dogg's gonna kill me.
No, he won't. There's nothing to be gained by killing a perfectly good corner boy. And it's not your fault that they came with drug dogs. That's the luck of the draw. G-Dogg will understand that.
Carl
You really think so?
Carl
I'm fucked. What should I do about Sammi? Should I run away?
No, it makes you look guilty. Stay here, stay cool, let the storm pass.
What if he shows remorse?
Carl
What's that?
It means you say your sorry.
Carl
I'm not.
Carl
Isn't lying in court illegal?
Just tell the judge what she wants to hear.
...
CSCarl's lawyer
You lost your dealer a lot of money. You don't think he's got friends in juvie who will make you pay? The police don't want you, they want your boss.
Carl
What the hell do you want?
Oh, Carl, always giving your big sis a hard time. Thank you for letting me visit my little bro. Heard you're planning on setting my boy on fire.
Carl
First chance I get. He dimed on me.
You will not touch one hair on his head. Do you understand?
Carl
You think you scare me? Bring it, bitch.
[Sammi leaps over table, knocking Carl to ground, gets on top of him and starts pounding his face]
CSCarl's lawyer
He is sorry for what he's done, and he has learned from the experience.
JGJudge Gaither
Do you regret what you've done, Carl?
Carl
I did something really dumb that I shouldn't have. I trusted a fucking retard with a man's job. Next time I move a bunch of drugs, I'll be smarter.
JGJudge Gaither
If you want to go into my chambers and speak to me off the record, now is the time. Otherwise, you will end up in juvenile prison. Is that what you want?
Carl
Yes, please.
JGJudge Gaither
That's not what I was hoping to hear.
Carl
I know what you were hoping to hear. If Your Honor would lose 20 pounds, I would consider tapping that.
JGJudge Gaither
I think I've heard enough.
...
Why the fuck did you do that, Carl?
Carl
When Paul Sugden came out of juvie, he knew how to make IEDs and where to launder money. You can't buy that kind of education. Plus, my street cred will be off the chain. Don't worry, I'm gonna make juvie my bitch.
Where'd all this come from?
Carl
And cage-free organic eggs and juice with the pulp in it. [To Liam] Eat up, little homey.
Where you getting all this money?
Carl
Juvie job. Saved up.
You better not be selling drugs again, Carl.
Carl
Nope, no drugs. I learned my lesson. [Flashback scene reveals Carl selling handguns from a washroom stall at school]
Ian: You better watch out. If she doesn't like what you're doing, she might try to fire you from the family.
Yeah, or try to force you to get an abortion.
Carl, can you drop Liam at Head Start on your way to school?
Carl
Do I look like a babysitter?
No, you look like a criminal, but last I checked, you were still a Gallagher.
Carl
Fine. Bros got to stick together. Let's go. Come on, little homey. Don't be a little shit. Let's go.
No, it's not, and it turns out that the pill is a big fucking waste of money.
Are you lying? Are you making this up?
You are the only one who lies about pregnancies around here. Jesus. I'm not making it up.
Oh, my God. This is amazing. What are the chances? We can raise them together like sisters. Sister cousins! Whose is it? Is it Gus' or Sean's? If it was Gus', that'd be weird. How far along are you?
Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop. Listen. I'm saying... I know how shitty this feels, like something's taken over your body, and you feel sick and, like, a little crazy, and I'm sorry because I didn't get that before, and I was harsh and cold and... Anyway, I'm sorry. [Hugs Debbie]
And now we can go through it together. We can go to the clinic. We'll make appointments for the same day. It'll be good. It'll be like a family outing. Like Disneyland, only with abortions.
Wait, what? What kind of apology is that?
Debs, I know that you think that keeping it will bring Derek back, but if he left you like this, then he doesn't deserve you, and there will be other guys that you will love--
No, no, no, no. You're the one who sleeps around, Fiona, not me. God. You are disgusting. You're a horrible human being. You didn't even bother to divorce your husband. You just ghosted him.
You ghosted him. You disappeared. And now you're gonna ghost your baby. [Fiona gags, runs to washroom and retches]
[Appears in side door] Family breakfast, no one bothers to invite the padre.
Mr. Gallagher, I'd like a word with you in my office. Students talk. They talk in the corridors, in the cafeteria. They talk, and they seem to think that if they lower their bellowing voices only slightly that I can't hear them. But I have the ears of a dog, Mr. Gallagher, the ears of a dog and the soul of a warrior. Heard you're selling weapon, son. [Sighs] There was a school shooting at Westmont last month, three kids and two teachers shot. And Bridgemont Middle School, 13-year-old lost a leg. Hobbling around on a peg now.
Carl
So?
So? You don't care about your fellow man? I want a GLOCK. A nine-millimeter semi with an extended mag but no cop-killer bullets. I need hollow tips. Can't have my bullet going through the shooter into some innocent kid.
Okay, so we went to the bank, and the house is being sold at auction, but there's a chance that we could buy it. So for the first time ever, it would be our house, not Aunt Ginger's, not Patrick's.
Sean's got a guy at the bank who thinks I can get a bank loan of up to 100,000.
Carl
Dollars?
Holy shit, someone's willing to give us 100 grand?
Why didn't we do this years ago?
The bank doesn't just give you money. They actually buy the house and let you live in it till you pay back the loan with interest.
We need a down payment of $3,500, and we need it, like, now.
Okay, we could pawn the TV.
Carl
3 1/2 Gs? Shit, I got you covered. What do you want? You want hundies or small bills?
You just got out of juvie and you have $3,000?
Carl
Right.
[Long awkward silence] No.
Carl
What, you don't believe me?
No, I believe you, I just don't want the state seizing our house 'cause we bought it with drug money or whatever it is that you're into lately.
You are not part of this conversation, Frank.
This was my house long before any of you had claim to it. Not legally, but every other way. The point is, we're Gallaghers. If Carl wants to step up-
Why do you get the last word?
If you want to go get a mortgage with your name on it, then take Carl's money. But otherwise, we'll find another way.
Carl
I'll just spend it on my ride. If you want us, we'll be upstairs. Come on, Nick.
Carl, a word, if you would, son?
[Scoffs] I don't know why you bother calling a family meeting if you make all the decisions anyway.
Carl? Hey, hey, um... [chuckles] On behalf of all of us, I want to acknowledge your generosity. The fact that you've reached this level of success in your chosen field-
Carl
How much you need? 40? 60, if it's not a problem. Bill, even.
You've come a long way, son. It warms my heart to know that at least one Gallagher has lived up to his genetic potential. When you were six, I- when- [Carl slams his bedroom door]
Shameless · 903 quotes
