Junior? Junior? Hey Junior? Where did you go?
[quietly and high-pitched] Honk!
Okay, Sister. Any other conditions I should know about?
Umm, Let's see... You know about all the ways I'm contagious...
Hey, what's going on here?
Really? That's weird, but I don't think it'll cause any problems here. Okay, go ahead and bend over.
Wow! Yeah! You're really limber and in a really great shape.
I'm not gonna play against you in Twister.
Wowsers! I didn't even know a leg could bend that far. That is a leg, right? Okay. Oh and by the way, sorry if my hands are cold.
That's cool. Sorry if my body is a little hot.
[standing behind a corner] Hey, do you guys need any help in there?
Is someone spying on us? Yes! Hot!
No, we're good! Hey Sister? You want me to turn up the heat or something? You look like you're...
Eh, I'll be okay. Hard nipples won't kill you.
I could just walk around this corner, if you need me to. Wouldn't be a problem.
We got it! Hey, sorry I got you all wet before. I didn't even know how that bucket of baby oil got up on that shelf. That was weird.
That's okay. I think it will actually help. Squeezing these puppies into the armor could be a little difficult.
Maybe I should just look in there and see if there's anything I can do.
No thanks, Tucker. Maybe they need your help with the tank instead. You'll probably be a lot more valuable out there. What we're doing in here is pretty routine. Hey are you double-jointed?
[in an apologetic manner] blarg.
Come on. Grif should be right over here.
Don't listen to him, Sarge! He's just trying to score more drugs to keep his habit alive! Remember last month, when he asked for money? It was for drugs!
That was part of the budgetary meeting, Donut! He needed more funds for vehicle maintenance.
Ah, there's my shotgun! Mission accomplished! Excellent work, men. Let's hang up a banner.
Oh right, and Grif... Excellent- somethin'-or-other... He[Grif moaning]-w-why do I even bother?
[Weak] What happened? What did you do to me?
We got knocked-the fuck-out out! And the people who did it must've taken you.
Oh, right. They kept asking me questions... They wanted information...
Information? What did the-
Woah, woah, they wanted information and they took you!? Why wouldn't they take me?
Sarge, please. I was right there next to you. If they needed information, why would they take you instead of me?
What, are you jealous? Jesus..
No. I think if you're gonna drug and torture people, you don't need to insult their intelligence too. That's just mean.
Besides, takin' all the fun out of interrogating.
If we set up a hard-line, yeah, I bet we could do it.
Church, hold on a second, I've got something to tell you!
Tucker, what? What is it?
I just wanted to say... I got a hard-line Tex can use. Bow chicka bow wow.
How did you even hear that?
Phh, I'm like Superman, I know when I'm needed.
Shake it off you big orange baby, what happened to you?
He's been chasing the dragon.
Donut, shut up, he was drugged just like me.
That's what I'm saying! He fell off the wagon, and shook hands with the Devil!
He's been ridin' the wave, and trippin' the technicolor dreamscape. Far out, man. Druggie loser.
Will, you, stop, Donut! All you're doing with your stupid anti-drug lingo is making me actually want to try drugs.
Choose life, Simmons. Choose it.
Sounds like we've stumbled across something totally diabolical! Good work uncovering the plot, Simmons.
Simmons!? I just told you everything!
But Simmons was the one that led us to you after he stealthily avoided capture.
Avoided capture!? They knocked him out first and picked me at random!
Yes. A randomness that Simmons used to save the day!
He had nothing to do with that!
But it was Simmons that found the underground cave.
By trying to bury you alive!
A tactic that was clearly multi-layered. Once again Simmons' treasonous insurrection proves to be the glue that holds this unit together.
Just wait 'til you hear about my upcoming assassination attempt.
You can't just show up here and start bossing people around, Tex. Bossing people around is my job. I put in the time.
I had to leave. I found Wyoming.
Yeah, Tucker told me. What happened?
I filetracked him back to O'Malley, but by the time that York and I got there... (interrupted by Church)
York? Your old freelancer buddy? Was Carolina with him?
That's not a state dumbass!
Delta? The AI? How? I thought they took them... Wait a minute, wait a minute... How was he even still alive? Aren't we hundreds of years in the future?
I thought it was because of his armour. You know all the freelancer suits had some kind of enhancement.
Right! Like your invisibility.
No dude, that's all natural.
York's was some kind of healing mechanism. It would help him recover from wounds in battle. I thought it might have kept him alive all these years. But after I found Wyoming, I knocked him out and downloaded logs from his helmet. There's something going on, Church, with a lot of people working against us.
Well, what did Wyoming say when he woke up?
He didn't. Before I could interrogate him, he teleported away. One second he was there and the next he was gone.
What about the second after that?
No, I'm saving him in case we ever need him for food. So... Wyoming's armor lets him teleport.
I don't think so. I think someone grabbed him from somewhere else.
How's that possible? The only technology I know that could do that is... (pause) Wait a minute... Each freelancer had enhanced suit of armour and AI, right?
Your armour was invisibility, and your A.I. was Omega?
Wrong. Oops, missed that one! Could we go back?
(Sigh) I got to make a phone call.
Hello, this is Church, Gary. Or should I call you Gamma? Have you been lying to us?
Lying is such a shisno concept. I mean human concept.
You're a computer, I thought computers can`t lie.
They can if they are programmed to lie.
Were you programmed to lie?
Wait! What about the aliens? How do we... (interupted by Gary)
It is nothing to worry about. We are close to the end. We will not be stopped now.
We should get going. Hop in.
Hello! Ringy-ding. Blue Base, come in. Hello.
Wha? Hello? Vic, is that you?
Hey dude, how's it going? Been a while since we spoke.
Everything been going good, yeah that's great, listen don't have much time to talk. Ah... Been discussing things here at Blue Command. We think everything is bad and... now is the time to attack the red base. Turns out the red troops are up to no good and someone needs to kill them. A good way to do that might be to send some people to the caves. Yeah... Take them by surprise. Anyway, can't talk gotta go see you hasta la vista.
Wait. [agitated] Why do people keep hanging up on me?!!
Oh! Whats all this business?
It looks like a bunch of computer equipments, Sir.
Excellent analysis, Simmons
And it's attached to some kind of TV thing.
So it is... Astute deduction, Donut.
It shows all different parts of the canyon. Look, there's our base!
Ah... yes. Another incredible observation from the 'Stating the Obvious Department'. Thanks for nothing, numbnuts.
Simmons, Donut, you two stay here. Grif's going to continue to help look for Andy.
Fine. (sigh) I hate my job.
Look, there's my room! And the locker room! And there's the showers! Man, so many good memories.
I hope this thing isn't connected to the Internet.
Ah... The Blues must have set this up! Crafty devils! Spying on us all along. What's all that?
Looks like the blue base!
Why would the Blues spy on themselves?
Maybe the Blues didn't set this up. Someone else might have.
Or maybe the Blues are so incredibly arrogant, they just want to see themselves on TV. Or I bet they have those stupid liberal legal time laws. Blue commie bastards.
What if all this technology is just left over from an ancient civilization that was way more advanced than us?
Wait a minute. How could an ANCIENT civilization be MORE advanced? If they were so advanced, where did they go?
They could have mysteriosly disappeared! Only leaving behind a legacy of enigmatic technology...
(turning to Simmons) That's gay!
Let's finish this fight later.
(surprised) That looks like Sister's armour!
Oh no! What happened to her?
Clearly she's been disintegrated!
We can't tell Grif! He`s going to be devastated!
Tell you that your Sister's been vaporised by the Blues.
(laughing) It`s like ripping off a bandage, Quick and incredibly painful.
We just talked about this! I thought we agreed not to tell him!
You really need to start thinking about other people's feelings, Sarge!
Son, the only thing I need to do is stay red and die!
I'm really sorry, Grif. She's dead.
(sad) How could this have happened? Oh man... That was my little sister. I mean, I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I still loved her!
This has to be hard, Grif! I... don't know what to say.
I just.... I had no idea the last time I saw her was gonna be the last time ever! I'd give anything to see her again and just talk to her one last time. But I'm never gonna get that chance. It's the most empty feeling in the whole world.
Oh, hey, look!! She's not dead! She's just naked!
(angry) What? That little slut! I'm gonna kill her!
Take a screenshot, take a screenshot!
[yelling] PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON! What's the one thing I told you?! Don't embarrass the family!
I don't think she's embarrassing it - Whoa! Why is she doing splits?
Huh, is this that Facebook thing I keep hearing about?
Does this thing take dollar bills?
Come on! That's my sister! And you're looking at her naked!
So? She's not our sister.
Why does Donut get to look?
Hey! Why does the Blue base get so much more natural light than ours? It gives the interior a much more airy and open feeling.
That's why Donut gets to look.
[frustrated] Oh, look, she is putting her armor back on!... Oh, I mean [changes tone] Oh, look! she is putting her armor back on. Good work, soldier!
It looks like the Blues are having some kind of meeting.
What? I knew it. They're coming to attack our base. Dirty back stabbers!
I thought the Blues were supposed to attack our base.
Simmons! What are they saying?
I have no idea. I can't find the volume on this monitor. Without any sound, it just looks like a bunch of helmets bobbing up and down.
Is that how they talk? They look ridiculous.
What about me? Can I get lost too?
No, Caboose. I need you to stay here and watch Shiela.
Yeah, if the transfer gets interrupted, we might lose her altogether.
Riiiiight. Otherwise, how would you accidentally kill people?
Well, I suppose I could always-
Shut up. That was rhetorical.
Well little dude, I guess there's a time when every little boy becomes a man.
Tucker he's only three days old.
Yeah, they grow up so fast.
Also he's not a boy, he's a grub.
The point is, you're on your own now, and I don't have time to tell you everything you need to know. So here's a few brief pointers: Invest in real estate, there's no such thing as a permanent record, always eat breakfast, all the girls on the internet are actually dudes, and you should never, ever buy the extended warranty on anything. Ever. Oh also, chicks like it when you tell them you're pretty, but they also like it when you're kind of a dick to 'em. So mix it up a little.
Okay, little dude, I gotta go now. Tex needs me and Church to back her up.
Huh. I guess you have been teaching him some stuff.
Teach? You don't teach that. Thats just genetic.
