Red vs Blue Season 6 quotes

You are Private Walter Henderson, correct?

Yes, sir!

You can dispense with the formalities, Walter. Please feel comfortable to speak as candidly as you wish. Can you tell us what happened at your outpost, Walter?

Yes Sir-ah, yes. I had been there about six months. Everything was pretty much like normal and one day this... ship... crashed.

I see. Is this the ship to which you are referring?

Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

Please, tell me what was on the ship, Walter.

I don't know. The Blues got there first. They fought us off while they cleared it out. Took the stuff back to Base. By the time we got a hold of it it just seemed like a regular old transport. Our engineer said some of the wiring had been messed with but he didn't seem, you know, worried about it or nothing like that.

I see. Thank you for that.

But whatever was on the ship, must have been what started the whole thing.

Please, Walter, define "thing".

The infection. The Blues just stopped fighting us. Some of them set up camp outside their base and trapped the rest of their team inside; blew up their comm tower for some reason. Their own comm tower... Then they blew up ours. That's why we couldn't radio for help, we couldn't figure out why they would do that. After that, nothing. No word from them at all. The CO sent a squad over... all the Blues were dead. They had killed each other.

Why do you think they did that?

I don't know. They had torn the radios out of their helmets and dismantled their computers. The CO said they were trying to build something...but I saw all the stuff, no way! They were trying to break it. And there was another body in there too. Not a Blue, somebody else. Actually, she looked like him. [Looks over to a soldier in grey armor standing in the corner of the room]

Don't worry about him for now, Walter. Please, continue.

We brought all the equipment back to base and brought it online. And that's when the infection started for us.

The soldiers became... sick?

No. They just... they were different. Off. We would catch guys getting into areas they shouldn't get into. But the weird thing was, a guy would go crazy, act up, and then we would throw him in a cell, and he would be fine. Then another guy would go nuts, disobey orders. Like trying to bring the comm tower back online even though we were told to leave it be. Maybe they knew it was coming.

They knew that was coming.

At first we thought it was help. It ransacked Blue Base, searched all the bodies... then it came after us. Seemed focused on the guys that were infected. Eventually, it just started killing everything.

Could you describe it for us, Walter?

Not really. It moved fast, when we first saw it, and after Blue Base it was... it was different.

In what way, different?

It looked... like it wasn't there. I don't know how to explain it.

That's alright. I know this has been difficult for you Walter. We're going to do everything we can to help you. [Two soldiers in grey armor enter] Please, follow these men to your new quarters. You'll be with us as long as absolutely necessary. You have my word. [Henderson follows them out of the room]

A response, from the Director of Project Freelancer. Dear Chairman. While I am obligated to assist your investigation, I ask that you not waste my time with irrelevant questions. My agency is normally unconcerned with such minute directives as troop reassignment. Except of course, in the most critical of matters.

Come in, Command.

Hello Washington. We have you? How was the investigation at Blue Base?

Enlightening. Going to try the red base now, I'm hoping things there will be a little more... [A pink pop-up of Donut appears for no reason] ...normal.

Sarge

Halt in the name of the red- [clears throat] I mean "lightish red army. This base is operating at full capacity. And if you come in here, you're gonna get in to a big uhn-uh slap-fight!"

Heuhhh... I'm gonna have to call you back.

Sarge

Don't come any further, ooh la la.

Sarge

This is your last warning, stay out! I love math!

What in the-

Sarge

Your only hope of survival is to kiss my commander's ass!

Sarge

And this is another warning: I know the other warning was supposed to be last, but I never listen to orders, 'cause I'm too lazy and stupid! And ugly. Did I mention ugly?

This is gonna be a waste of time, I can tell already.

Sarge

[Pops up in front of Washington] Yeah, freeze intruder! Stop yer intrudin' right there.

Who made these things?

Sarge

I did.

Wait, you're real?

Sarge

Of course I am. You fell for a classic misdirection. I still got it. Heh heh.

Dear Director, due to your busy schedule, we have begun interviewing members of your staff. I'm certain you will let us know if this bothers you. However our debriefings keep coming back to a single subject at Outpost 17-B. Can you explain to us what this Meta is, and what your plans are to deal with it?

This here is Special Agent Washington, from Blue Command. He has something fantastic he needs to talk to you about.

Command? Oh no, they never have good news. Did somebody die? Was it my mom, is she dead? Or my dad, did my dad die again? Oh no.

What is this? I don't even...

Hehe, you see, he's yours now. Hehe, no take-backs.

Is it my brother? Was my brother killed? That's it, isn't it? My brother's dead!

What- no, nothing like that!

Oh, good, because I don't even have a brother. H-how sad would it be to not have a brother and to lose a brother all in the same day.

No one died!

Jo-a-nes is dead, sir.

OK, no one besides him.

Once again... nobody's fault. [Whispers] Pst...I think the new guy did it.

Private Caboose, you were stationed at Blood Gulch, correct?

Yeah...that was fun.

And our records indicate that you were infected by an aggressive artificial intelligence program at one point. The Omega AI, is that correct as well?

Yeah...that wasn’t as much fun.

Ok, well I need you to come with me. I’m investigating a critical issue and you seem to be the only person with the knowledge and experience necessary to help me. [Long pause] And I just realised how ridiculous that sounded once I said it out loud.

Dear Chairman. Rest assured we have the situation under control. While the Meta is proving to be an elusive enemy, our Recovery agent is already closing in on it. I expect this incident will reach a conclusion soon, and I will be able to return to my research. Hopefully, without further interruption.

Caboose? Caboose, is that you?

Yes! Church, it's me!

I have missed you so much! It has been so long! Did you miss me!?

Fuck! I missed him!

I knew you did!

Come on, let's move out.

Move out? Hey, at what point in this conversation did you think that we were buddies or somethin'? I'm not goin' with you.

Yes! You are not in our buddy club!

Shut up Caboose, and what did I tell you about that armor, when we had to pick new suits?

You told me to upgrade!

That's not an upgrade! This is Mark Six armor, that's Mark Five. This is an upgrade.

In a Top Ten list, five is better than six.

We're not a top ten list!

How do you ever get anything done if all you ever do is argue with each other?

We don't, that's part of our charm. Quit fuckin' it up!

Look, I know you guys are all wrapped up in your little "Red vs Blue" battles-

Blue vs Red battles! No one says Red vs Blue, it sounds stupid when you say it backwards.

But this is important. Actual military operations. Not your fake simulation stuff. Something is hunting our top agents, and I need all the help I can get to stop it.

Stop it? If it's killing Freelancers, I want to start a fan club for it, build it a website.

And now that the ship from your canyon is crashed, we think it's more powerful than ever. It gains new abilities every time it kills-

Wait wait wait, whoa- you found Tex's ship?

We believe so.

Where?

Come with me and I'll show you.

Ok, I'm in.

Yes, this will be the greatest road trip ever!

If you say anything positive, I will fucking kill all three of us right now.

Okay. I will be very depressed about how awesome this will be!

Dear Director. We can all understand that the shift from autonomy to oversight can be a difficult adjustment for anyone, but especially someone of your standing. In that spirit, we have attempted to accommodate your brief explanations to our serious inquiries. None the less, I feel compelled to inform you, that even our trust has its limits.

Who knows? Probably like, you know, make a noise, or throw a rock. That's what I would do.

...Or he could do that.

I think he is better at distractions than you are.

Yeah.

[Over the radio] Okay, come on out. But come quietly.

OK, let's go.

Um, yes, I don't want to. Uh, you see I am scared of the thing that I don't know what it is.

Oh, don't be a baby. How bad could it be- [Steps into the grav-lift and is send flying through the air] -EEEEEEE! [lands, bounces, skids, hydroplanes, and eventually smacks up against the side of a jeep behind two soldiers, making "oof" sounds the whole way] That was fucking bullshit!

Did you just say somethin'?

Whuh?

I said quietly, what part of quiet don't you understand?

What part? How 'bout the part where I got thrown eighty feet in the fucking air, by the God damn throwing thing'!?

Dear Chairman. The Meta is nothing more than an entity seeking to increase its power, in these confusing days after the war. From my perspective, that seems to be a very common occurrence at the moment.