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S5

Red vs Blue · Season 5

“Biting the Hand (Episode 93)” quotes from Red vs Blue

4 quotes

“Biting the Hand (Episode 93)” · Season 5

In this episode: Leonard Church (3), Simmons (1), Grif (1), Caboose (1), Sarge (1), Donut (1), Tex (1), Gary (1)

You can't just show up here and start bossing people around, Tex. Bossing people around is my job. I put in the time.

I had to leave. I found Wyoming.

Yeah, Tucker told me. What happened?

I filetracked him back to O'Malley, but by the time that York and I got there... (interrupted by Church)

York? Your old freelancer buddy? Was Carolina with him?

She was already dead.

And what about Bermuda?

That's not a state dumbass!

Portland?

Shut up!

But he still had Delta.

Delta? The AI? How? I thought they took them... Wait a minute, wait a minute... How was he even still alive? Aren't we hundreds of years in the future?

I thought it was because of his armour. You know all the freelancer suits had some kind of enhancement.

Right! Like your invisibility.

And horrible meanness.

No dude, that's all natural.

York's was some kind of healing mechanism. It would help him recover from wounds in battle. I thought it might have kept him alive all these years. But after I found Wyoming, I knocked him out and downloaded logs from his helmet. There's something going on, Church, with a lot of people working against us.

Well, what did Wyoming say when he woke up?

He didn't. Before I could interrogate him, he teleported away. One second he was there and the next he was gone.

What about the second after that?

Can I kill him, please?

No, I'm saving him in case we ever need him for food. So... Wyoming's armor lets him teleport.

I don't think so. I think someone grabbed him from somewhere else.

How's that possible? The only technology I know that could do that is... (pause) Wait a minute... Each freelancer had enhanced suit of armour and AI, right?

Right.

Right....

Your armour was invisibility, and your A.I. was Omega?

Right.

Wrong. Oops, missed that one! Could we go back?

Who was Wyoming's AI?

Gamma.

(Sigh) I got to make a phone call.

Hello.

Hello, this is Church, Gary. Or should I call you Gamma? Have you been lying to us?

Lying is such a shisno concept. I mean human concept.

You're a computer, I thought computers can`t lie.

They can if they are programmed to lie.

Were you programmed to lie?

(pause) ...No.

God damn it!

I have to go, Church.

Wait! What about the aliens? How do we... (interupted by Gary)

Goodbye.

Do they know?

It is nothing to worry about. We are close to the end. We will not be stopped now.

We should get going. Hop in.

Hello! Ringy-ding. Blue Base, come in. Hello.

Wha? Hello? Vic, is that you?

Hey dude, how's it going? Been a while since we spoke.

Why're you calling me?

Everything been going good, yeah that's great, listen don't have much time to talk. Ah... Been discussing things here at Blue Command. We think everything is bad and... now is the time to attack the red base. Turns out the red troops are up to no good and someone needs to kill them. A good way to do that might be to send some people to the caves. Yeah... Take them by surprise. Anyway, can't talk gotta go see you hasta la vista.

Wait. [agitated] Why do people keep hanging up on me?!!

Oh! Whats all this business?

It looks like a bunch of computer equipments, Sir.

Excellent analysis, Simmons

And it's attached to some kind of TV thing.

So it is... Astute deduction, Donut.

It shows all different parts of the canyon. Look, there's our base!

Ah... yes. Another incredible observation from the 'Stating the Obvious Department'. Thanks for nothing, numbnuts.

Simmons, Donut, you two stay here. Grif's going to continue to help look for Andy.

Fine. (sigh) I hate my job.

Look, there's my room! And the locker room! And there's the showers! Man, so many good memories.

I hope this thing isn't connected to the Internet.

Ah... The Blues must have set this up! Crafty devils! Spying on us all along. What's all that?

Looks like the blue base!

Why would the Blues spy on themselves?

Maybe the Blues didn't set this up. Someone else might have.

Or maybe the Blues are so incredibly arrogant, they just want to see themselves on TV. Or I bet they have those stupid liberal legal time laws. Blue commie bastards.

What if all this technology is just left over from an ancient civilization that was way more advanced than us?

Wait a minute. How could an ANCIENT civilization be MORE advanced? If they were so advanced, where did they go?

They could have mysteriosly disappeared! Only leaving behind a legacy of enigmatic technology...

(turning to Simmons) That's gay!

Let's finish this fight later.

Look! What's that?

(surprised) That looks like Sister's armour!

Oh no! What happened to her?

Clearly she's been disintegrated!

Why would they do that?

We can't tell Grif! He`s going to be devastated!

(bored) Tell me what?

Tell you that your Sister's been vaporised by the Blues.

(shocked) What!?

Sarge!!

(laughing) It`s like ripping off a bandage, Quick and incredibly painful.

We just talked about this! I thought we agreed not to tell him!

(mournfully) What?

You really need to start thinking about other people's feelings, Sarge!

Son, the only thing I need to do is stay red and die!

I'm really sorry, Grif. She's dead.

(sad) How could this have happened? Oh man... That was my little sister. I mean, I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I still loved her!

This has to be hard, Grif! I... don't know what to say.

I just.... I had no idea the last time I saw her was gonna be the last time ever! I'd give anything to see her again and just talk to her one last time. But I'm never gonna get that chance. It's the most empty feeling in the whole world.

Oh, hey, look!! She's not dead! She's just naked!

(angry) What? That little slut! I'm gonna kill her!

Take a screenshot, take a screenshot!

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