Red vs Blue Season 9 quotes

Hi. My name is Leonard Church. But nobody calls me Leonard. Most people call me Church. Sometimes they call me Alpha, and a few people even know me as the Director. But I haven't been called that in a really, really long time. You see, I know that when you look at me, I know I look like a super badass space warrior, but I'm not. I'm actually a-

(From off-screen) Hey, Church!

Uh... (Clears throat) Just, uh, ignore. Uh... I'm actually a computer program that's been reincarnated in the memory of-

Church!

I'm actually a computer program-

Hey, Church!

That's been reincarnated in the memory of a-

Where the hell are you?!

OK, I'm just gonna start over. I'm just gonna... Just go back to the beginning.

Church!

Hi-

Church!

My name is Leonard Church-

Church!

But nobody calls me that-

(Appearing on the cliff face) Hey, Church, come on!

(Grunts in annoyance) GOD DAMN IT! WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU WANT!?

Come on! Get up here!

Yeah, okay, hold on! For God's sake, I'm coming!

Our operatives are in position, Director.

Good. Send them in.

If I may say sir, my testing indicates that this might not be the best...

The system will determine what's best, Counselor. The system will determine the order. Send them in.

Hey, we clear?

(Looking through his sniper rifle's scope) Yes, South, you're clear, but watch your corners. The smoke is good for cover but it's playing hell with my thermals. The cold isn't helping.

What's the time?

Don't worry about the time, worry about the objective. Next patrol's in 20 seconds.

(Scoffs) I'll be gone before that. (Begins running)

Okay, slow down, South. Set your motion trackers.

(Tackles a guard and grabs his gun) Nah. Takes too long.

So does getting caught. Set your trackers!

South? I do not have a visual in there! I can't be your eyes if I can't see!

Just trust me, North. I got this.

Ok, how about this? Donut gets to shoot you in exchange for you getting to say what you need to say.

Five minutes of talking, for one shot. Where do you want it, Blue? The shoulder or the foot?

Well, obviously I would pick the foot, but I don't want you guys to shoot me in-

Deal. (Fires his pistol)

OW! Son of a bitch!

Okay, your five minutes have started. Go.

What happened?

One of the Reds just shot Church in the foot.

Ow, that fuckin' hurt!

I don't really see how we can, I can't really get a clear shot of Church from this angle.

Ow, man you guys are a bunch of dicks. I just got this foot.

Incoming transmission.

I got it, this is vehicle Four Seven Niner, go for secure.

Secure, hello Agent Carolina.

Good morning, F.I.L.S.S. Nice to hear your voice.

(Limping back to base) Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Church, you're home! Welcome back.

Yeah, yeah, thanks for helping me while the Red's just shoot me in the goddamn foot.

Yeah, well you told us to stay on the cliff and I did...Yeah that was helping.

Oh really? Then why aren't you on the cliff right now?

Oh, I thought the helping part was over.

Okay, Caboose, think back. When you called Command about the special forces person, what did they say to you?

They said, "This is Command. We read you Blue base."

After that.

"Roger. Over and out."

Before that. Somewhere between those two. "Goodbye" and "Hello" are not the important parts of the conversation.

No, I know, and my name isn't even Roger...although that is a very cool nickname. I wonder if it fits? Roger shut up. Roger, don't put that in your mouth. Roger, put that down. Roger, will you please be my best friend? Signed, Church. P.S. Your new name is the best. I like it. Signed, Church...again.

(Aggravated) What did they tell you in the middle? What did they say? I need you to focus, Caboose.

Ugh.... I need you to focus, Roger.