Vic quotes from Red vs Blue

Hello, dude? Come in. Doctor-Dude, are you there? Hello? Paging Doctor-Dude, to the radio, STAT. I need 20 ccs of 'what the hell's going on there', dude.

Ugh...what happened?

Hey, you tell me dude. One minute we're talking about a hole in the wall; the next thing I know, you turn into Grumps McGurt. Sounded like you needed a lozenge. Threatened to eat my children... not very cool, dude.

Jeez, did I really? I'm sorry. Something went wrong with my radio and I heard this weird beeping, honking-

Hey, no offense taken, dude. Don't got any kids anyway.

What?

'Ol Vic's been through the snip-n'-stitch, if you know what I mean.

I don't wanna hear about that-

Winky-Blinky the One-Eyed Sergeant's firin' blanks-

That's weird-

-if ya get me. It's vayo con dios to the vas deferens.

Yeah, alright. Enough. I get you.

I mean a vasectomy, dude.

It's like a thing.

It's like a thing. Okay, dude! Thank you for the update! I'll be sure to alert the Chiefs of Staff!

I'm just a little dazed. It's a big thing. It- it's purple, it's uh, it's a big purple thing.

Use your words, dude.

Vic, pick up, it's me, [evil laughter].

Oh hey, Doctor Baron von Evil Satan. What's up, dude?

Don't screen my calls, Vic.

Dude, if you don't come up on Caller ID I'm not just gonna answer anything—

Caller ID? I'm in hiding, you buffoon! I'm trying to take over the Universe! [evil laughter]

We're also on the "Do Not Call" list.

Oh, Shut up!

And you work- and you work with Blue Command?

Oh, right dude. Good one, dude. Blue Command. [Winks] Wink!

Hey dude.

Vic, hey. This is Church. I need -

This is Vic at 555-V-I-C-K diddly-do. I'm not in the casito right now so leave your lowdown at the ding dong. Hasta.

Hey Vic, this is Church. I need to-

You have reached the voice mail system.

[sighs] Okay, okay, come on.

To leave a message, just wait for the tone.

I know how to leave a goddamn message.

When you are finished recording, just hang up or press pound for more options.

Really. Hang up. No shit. I was just gonna keep talking until he decided check his voice mail.

For delivery options, press five.

Just give me the damn beep!

To leave a call back number, press eight. To page this person, press six,-

Come on!

To repeat this message, press nine.

I will fucking stab you, computer-phone-lady!

Hello! Ringy-ding. Blue Base, come in. Hello.

Wha? Hello? Vic, is that you?

Hey dude, how's it going? Been a while since we spoke.

Why're you calling me?

Everything been going good, yeah that's great, listen don't have much time to talk. Ah... Been discussing things here at Blue Command. We think everything is bad and... now is the time to attack the red base. Turns out the red troops are up to no good and someone needs to kill them. A good way to do that might be to send some people to the caves. Yeah... Take them by surprise. Anyway, can't talk gotta go see you hasta la vista.

Wait. [agitated] Why do people keep hanging up on me?!!