Hello, this is Church, Gary. Or should I call you Gamma? Have you been lying to us?
Lying is such a shisno concept. I mean human concept.
You're a computer, I thought computers can`t lie.
They can if they are programmed to lie.
Were you programmed to lie?
Wait! What about the aliens? How do we... (interupted by Gary)
It is nothing to worry about. We are close to the end. We will not be stopped now.
We should get going. Hop in.
Hello! Ringy-ding. Blue Base, come in. Hello.
Wha? Hello? Vic, is that you?
Hey dude, how's it going? Been a while since we spoke.
Everything been going good, yeah that's great, listen don't have much time to talk. Ah... Been discussing things here at Blue Command. We think everything is bad and... now is the time to attack the red base. Turns out the red troops are up to no good and someone needs to kill them. A good way to do that might be to send some people to the caves. Yeah... Take them by surprise. Anyway, can't talk gotta go see you hasta la vista.
Wait. [agitated] Why do people keep hanging up on me?!!
Oh! Whats all this business?
It looks like a bunch of computer equipments, Sir.
Excellent analysis, Simmons
And it's attached to some kind of TV thing.
So it is... Astute deduction, Donut.
It shows all different parts of the canyon. Look, there's our base!
Ah... yes. Another incredible observation from the 'Stating the Obvious Department'. Thanks for nothing, numbnuts.
Simmons, Donut, you two stay here. Grif's going to continue to help look for Andy.
Fine. (sigh) I hate my job.
Look, there's my room! And the locker room! And there's the showers! Man, so many good memories.
I hope this thing isn't connected to the Internet.
Ah... The Blues must have set this up! Crafty devils! Spying on us all along. What's all that?
Looks like the blue base!
Why would the Blues spy on themselves?
Maybe the Blues didn't set this up. Someone else might have.
Or maybe the Blues are so incredibly arrogant, they just want to see themselves on TV. Or I bet they have those stupid liberal legal time laws. Blue commie bastards.
What if all this technology is just left over from an ancient civilization that was way more advanced than us?
Wait a minute. How could an ANCIENT civilization be MORE advanced? If they were so advanced, where did they go?
They could have mysteriosly disappeared! Only leaving behind a legacy of enigmatic technology...
(turning to Simmons) That's gay!
Let's finish this fight later.
(surprised) That looks like Sister's armour!
Oh no! What happened to her?
Clearly she's been disintegrated!
We can't tell Grif! He`s going to be devastated!
Tell you that your Sister's been vaporised by the Blues.
(laughing) It`s like ripping off a bandage, Quick and incredibly painful.
We just talked about this! I thought we agreed not to tell him!
You really need to start thinking about other people's feelings, Sarge!
Son, the only thing I need to do is stay red and die!
I'm really sorry, Grif. She's dead.
(sad) How could this have happened? Oh man... That was my little sister. I mean, I know we don't always see eye to eye, but I still loved her!
This has to be hard, Grif! I... don't know what to say.
I just.... I had no idea the last time I saw her was gonna be the last time ever! I'd give anything to see her again and just talk to her one last time. But I'm never gonna get that chance. It's the most empty feeling in the whole world.
Oh, hey, look!! She's not dead! She's just naked!
(angry) What? That little slut! I'm gonna kill her!
Take a screenshot, take a screenshot!
[yelling] PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON! What's the one thing I told you?! Don't embarrass the family!
I don't think she's embarrassing it - Whoa! Why is she doing splits?
Huh, is this that Facebook thing I keep hearing about?
Does this thing take dollar bills?
Come on! That's my sister! And you're looking at her naked!
So? She's not our sister.
Why does Donut get to look?
Hey! Why does the Blue base get so much more natural light than ours? It gives the interior a much more airy and open feeling.
That's why Donut gets to look.
[frustrated] Oh, look, she is putting her armor back on!... Oh, I mean [changes tone] Oh, look! she is putting her armor back on. Good work, soldier!
It looks like the Blues are having some kind of meeting.
What? I knew it. They're coming to attack our base. Dirty back stabbers!
I thought the Blues were supposed to attack our base.
Simmons! What are they saying?
I have no idea. I can't find the volume on this monitor. Without any sound, it just looks like a bunch of helmets bobbing up and down.
Is that how they talk? They look ridiculous.
What about me? Can I get lost too?
No, Caboose. I need you to stay here and watch Shiela.
Yeah, if the transfer gets interrupted, we might lose her altogether.
Riiiiight. Otherwise, how would you accidentally kill people?
Well, I suppose I could always-
Shut up. That was rhetorical.
Well little dude, I guess there's a time when every little boy becomes a man.
Tucker he's only three days old.
Yeah, they grow up so fast.
Also he's not a boy, he's a grub.
The point is, you're on your own now, and I don't have time to tell you everything you need to know. So here's a few brief pointers: Invest in real estate, there's no such thing as a permanent record, always eat breakfast, all the girls on the internet are actually dudes, and you should never, ever buy the extended warranty on anything. Ever. Oh also, chicks like it when you tell them you're pretty, but they also like it when you're kind of a dick to 'em. So mix it up a little.
Okay, little dude, I gotta go now. Tex needs me and Church to back her up.
Huh. I guess you have been teaching him some stuff.
Teach? You don't teach that. Thats just genetic.
[Tex is approaching the Red base while Church and Tucker look on from a cliff.]
(through the sniper scope) I don't see anything at all. It's like they're all hiding or somethin'.
(annoyed) I just said I don't see anything, I just said that.
(whiny) Man, I hate that I never get the fucking sniper rifle!
Oh, yeah, boo hoo. All you've got is your stupid awesome sword, I feel so sorry for you.
Come on dude, just once. Let me use it, just one time, I won't ever ask again! Pleeeeeeeease? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?
Oh kickass! [They swap weapons.] Heh heh! Okay no, wait, how do I zoom? I'm zoomed!
Hey Tucker, the sword doesn't even work. What a fuckin' gyp.
Tucker: Now how do I—wait what is this thing?
Okay, whatever dude, just don't-
[Tucker shoots Tex in the ass]
What the fuck, did you just fire that thing?
Oops! That was an accident.
We're supposed to be sneaking up on them, dumbass! [Tucker sees Tex approaching them through the scope.] They're gonna hear us, gimme it back!
Um, yeah, okay take it back.
[They swap weapons again.]
I knew there was a reason I didn't let you use this thing all these years. Hey, Tex, what're you doing back?
[Tex punches Church in the face.]
OW! What the fuck did I do!?
I told him to be careful with that thing. He's just not very good with it.
Ok please, really, no more stories.
Seriously, it's a head! Look.
(Spanish) Whatever, some way to treat your sidekick. Gone for days and you don't even look for me.
Uh, of course I do. It's the year 2500 and I'm from America.
Oh, cool. Tell him O'Malley's gone.
(Spanish) O'Malley isn't here. He already left.
(Spanish) Your Spanish sucks.
