Tucker quotes from Red vs Blue

Alright, screw it. You guys get behind me, and stay tight.

[very quickly] Bow Chicka Bow Wow.

Never mind, Tucker's in front.

Eh, it was worth it.

Hey, why didn't you bring that glowing thing?

No way! I'd rather have a gun.

But I've got a gun.

What are you gonna do? Shoot him with ghost bullets?

Okay, yeah. I guess that's a good point.

"Hi, I'm Casper, the friendly bullet!"

There it is!

Jesus RUN!! (All three of them keep shooting their guns at the wall while they run away)

Crap!

Oh my GOD OH MY GOD! I'M GOING TO DIE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!

RUN!

Women and children last. (They run past Caboose)

Did we win?

Yeah Caboose we won! This is our victory lap!

(jokingly) Hey come back, I think you're making him tired! (laughing)

Well, think about it. While our Ambassador here is either being a) eaten by the alien, or b) digested by the alien, you and I can sneak back in and get our bodies.

I would make an excellent Ambidasdor, (looks at Tucker) because I am very shy!

Get away from me freak!

You know, if that word's too hard to pronounce, you can just call yourself bait.

You know, we could've taken that alien out if I'd have hit him just a few more times.

A few more times? How about one time?

Well, I think I landed at least two or three shots.

Yeah, right.

You didn't hit anything but the wall.

How the hell would you know? You were running straight backwards.

This is a long range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively.

Where were you planning on shooting him from? The fucking moon? If you'd have backed up any further, you woulda had to mail him the bullets!

Ooo-kay. Church... is trying to get a TRANSLATOR. So that WE can TALK to EACH OTHER.

: Tucker, the enormous alien doesn't speak our language. Speaking slowly is not gonna help.

What? I'm talking to Caboose.

Oh.

[camera pans to reveal Caboose] I don't understand. Are-are-are you hungry? Tucker, are you hungry? Are you cold?

What? No.

Do you need a blanket? Tucker, do you want some hot dogs in a blanket?

Damn it, no, Caboose! I'm NOT cold, I don't want a hot dog, and if you put mustard in my fucking sheets again, I'm gonna kill you!

Okay gargantuan alien, now that we have decided to keep you, you need a real name. I vote for Fluffy.

Fluffy?

Fluffy! The alien that only loves!

He's got to have a name! Why don't we just ask him? Hey Alien dude, what's your name? Naaame. I am Tucker. This is Church. That's Bitch-pants McCrabby.

Hey!

Well, that's what we call you.

Not me. I call you Mrs.McCrabby

Thanks.

Church! Chuuuuurch! Hey, Church!

I'm right behind you dumbass.

Oh. Hey, Church, do you have a knife?

No. That's a weapon, dude. Ask Tex.

She said she had something to take care of. Girl stuff, I think.

Huh? Like what?

I don't know! I stopped asking questions after "girl stuff".

What're you two guys doin'?

We're gonna teach the Alien how to speak English.

How're you gonna do that?

People learn English all the time. It aren't that hard.

Maybe you should try learning his language.

Fuck that. We got here first, and that makes this a colony. Those're the rules, dude. Earth colony, Earth language.

Tucker, there's thousands of languages spoken on Earth.

Yeah, but only one that kicks ass. And that's the one we're teaching. English 101: remedial kick-ass.

That thing that he's talkin' about must be that sword, and it's not broken—it's right there.

Argh blargh!

He says it only works with the hero who passes the trial of the windmill, and retrieves it from its resting place. For everyone else, it might as well be broken.

Uh oh.

Trial? Please, I fell in a hole, that's not a trial. I'm startin' to like this culture though, any dude who trips is a hero. I'm pretty sure that makes Caboose God.

This all sounds like bullshit to me.

No he's right. It didn't work for me, remember?

Of course it didn't work for you, you're a girl. I mean, you can't even work the entertainment center back at the base. Doesn't mean the remote control is mythically attached to us.

Don't worry, Tucker. We're not sending you alone.

You're coming with me, Tex?

Me? Hell no. This is the first thing you wimps have done that actually sounds dangerous.

Well, I'm not going with Church. That guy's a worse fighter than I am.

Well, you're in luck, then. Cause I'm not going either.

Ok, so, um, Tucker is the fighter, Crunchbite is the healer and I am the powerful.....and intelligent wizard, Morphumax.

What the hell does that make me?

A bow and arrow? I don't have any arms, you frickin' moron!

That is what makes you so stealthy. [turns away from Andy] This is going to be the best party ever.

I'm gonna fuckin' die.

Well, good luck guys. Don't forget to change your underwear at least once a day. Tucker, that goes double for you.

What? I'm the cleanest guy here!

No, it goes double for you because now you're in charge of changing Caboose as well.

I hate you.

Let me put it this way; I felt less threatened when Tex was staring at just the sword.

Whu-What? Oh, I was just admiring his... His alien... Muscle structure...

Yeah, one particular part of his muscle structure...

Well, that's just a matter of penis- I mean opinion! Opinion... that's... what i meant.

Smooth.