A character in Red vs Blue
O'Malley
Red vs Blue · 504 quotes
In 17 of the 504 quotes from Red vs Blue
Most scenes with: Doc (12), Leonard Church (8), Caboose (5)
[O'Malley and Doc are conversing in the cave, à la Gollum/Sméagol]
You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this.
I agree, except replace the word "non" with "extremely", and after the word "violent", include the phrase "blood explosion extraordinaire"!
I will rip out their guts and feast on their entrails!
But I'm a vegetarian!
I will devour their hearts and crap out their souls! They will all taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull... which is disgusting.
Sorry about the big explosion
Sorry it wasn't bigger!
Wow that guy is fast!
Thanks! I majored in track in high school; it was the least competitive sport I could find.
Track sucks.
YOU SUCK!
And now I make my escape with my metallic hostage never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen. In which case, if I see you before you see me, look out!
[O'Malley calls Vic and encounters his answering service]
Vic, pick up, it's me, [evil laughter].
Oh hey, Doctor Baron von Evil Satan. What's up, dude?
Don't screen my calls, Vic.
Dude, if you don't come up on Caller ID I'm not just gonna answer anything—
Caller ID? I'm in hiding, you buffoon! I'm trying to take over the Universe! [evil laughter]
We're also on the "Do Not Call" list.
Oh, Shut up!
What can I do Sarge?
I need you to run right at O'Malley.
And shank him with my shiv?
No, when he blows you up with a rocket, try to see if you can get your dismembered limbs and guts to clog the barrels of his rocket launcher.
You're kidding?
It's a remote chance, I know, but it's worth a shot.
(Catching the two behind a rock) OBLIVION IS AT HAND! HA HA!
(Points the rocket launcher at them) Cover your ears guys. This thing is really loud.
This is it!
Not so fast O'Malley! (Everyone turns to Simmons) Maybe we can't stop you, but I know who can! (A teleporter comes from nowhere, letting in the Zealot Solders)
ALRIGHT, NEW LEVEL! YEAH!
YAHOO! YAHOO! YEAH!
Hey guys, you want your flag? (All the zealots turn to Simmons) He's the one who has it! (Screen panel turns to O'Malley)
(Zealots turn to O'Malley) The crusade has begun! Our hour of glory is now at hand! Let all who would stand against us be washed in our divine light! (All the Zealots shoot at O'Malley)
NO, GET, GET AWAY FROM ME! NO, MY POWER IS DROPPING, STOP, DOWN!
We need to disarm Church's bomb Sarge.
Right.
(Church gets struck by lightning) Yow woo hoo hoo! (Reds run up to Church)
Hold still son, this will just take a second. (Sarge kneels down to Church's crotch)
Seriously, don't you ever install anything above the waist? (Sarge pops up again)
OH NO! That last lightning bolt fused the detonator! There's no way to turn this thing off!
Can you do it manually?
Impossible. I specifically designed it so I wouldn't be able to defuse it.
Why?
In case I fell into the wrong hands, and was brainwashed to help the blues.
Nice thinking Sir.
You just had to get one last ass kiss in before we die, didn't you?
("tea-bagging" O'Malley) HUP HUP HUP!
NO, NOT, THAT'S DISGUSTING, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Let me try, let me try, heh heh heh, take that dude!
I'M BEING VIOLATED!!
Church, (Tucker points a rocket launcher at Church) there's only one thing I can do.
Hey, what the hell?!
There's only twenty seconds left!
If I blow you up before the bomb goes off, there's at least a small chance the rest of us will live.
But the rocket will kill me!
TEN SECONDS!
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE ANYWAY WHEN THE BOMB GOES OFF!
Hey, what can I tell you pal? Misery loves company.
FIVE SECONDS!
Sorry Church.
Aw man, this blows, you guys suck. (Tucker suddenly gets shot at the side)
WHAT THE HELL?! (Screen panel shows Agent Wyoming with a sniper)
Sorry Privet Tucker, but I always get my man. Say good bye.
Uh, guys, I hate to interrupt but, zero seconds.
Uh oh. (Church's bomb makes a series of beeps and dial noises)
What? Oh, son of a b- (Camera pans out to show the entire map, a small explosion is seen, then the camera fades to white)
Hey, we should start a neighborhood association. It's just like a government, but run by housewives and old people. So it's a lot more efficient at controlling your lives.
Shut up. Get out of my head!
Technically it's my head. But I don't mind sharing. Don't you remember that talk we had about sharing?
Shut up!
[O'Malley is annoyed at the slow speed of the robots]
This isn't what I asked for.
Dices des qué quieras esta día de victoria.
You said you wanted a day of victory.
A este velocidad, va pasar veinticuatro horas para ganar.
At this speed, they will win in exactly 24 hours.
At an evil lair, somewhere nearby...
ring...ring...ring...
[still ringing] For the love of evil, someone get the phone!
[Subtitled, with Lopez off-screen] [still ringing] Why don't you get it?
[still ringing] You fool, can't you see I'm busy with an evil plot! What do I pay you for?
[Subtitled, with Lopez off-screen] [still ringing] To clean up after all your failed plots.
[still ringing] Oh shut up you fool, you don't even have a body!
[Subtitled, with Lopez off-screen] [still ringing] Yes. Because of one of your failed plots.
[still ringing] Why all this bickering, can't we all just get along?
[still ringing] And answer the damn phone!
[Subtitled, with Lopez off-screen] Why do we have a million doomsday devices and no answering machine?
[still ringing] I find you far too sarcastic with just a head.
...ring...ring...ring
I haven't been here in quite some time. Which one is the blue base?
It's the blue one.
Oh, yes. They're really thinking outside the box with the design.
[Doc/O'Malley slowly approaching the blue base]
Hm... it's quiet. Too quiet.
[A sudden sniper rifle shot narrowly misses his head]
Now suddenly it's too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
Alright Hold it right there!
[Subtitled] I see someone now. I think he has a gun.
Yes, I see that. Thank you for keeping us informed... Moron.
That was a warning shot, O'Malley. If you make any funny moves, the next one is going right in the middle of your visor.
You think you can make that shot from here?
Uhh, probably not since I was actually trying to hit him that time. I swear to God, I think someone fuck's with the sights on this thing when I'm not looking.
We want something from you, but we're not going to tell you what it is until we need it, HAHAHAHAHA!
No way, I'm not agreeing to something without knowing what it is.
(Chuckling fiendishly) Oh yes you will. You will or else your little friend Tucker will die. Die a most horrible death. And you know his blood will be on your hands. Years from now you'll drive yourself mad wondering if there was anything you could have done to save him. So you will let me do what I want. You will agree even if what I want is something mysterious. What I want is something frightening! What I want is something PURE EVIL!(Laughs madly) I've also been told that a $20 co-pay is pretty much standard.
All right. Fine.
Ah, you fool. And we want the $20 up-front!
Fine!
And in cash.
Whatever!
Ah, you moron! If you'd used a credit card you could have gotten airline miles, or at least a 30-day grace period with no interest. You fiscally irresponsible fools.
Caboose, give me 20 dollars. Wait, give me 30 dollars.
Andy, this is Doc, Doc, this is Andy. Uh, Andy, Doc is here to help Tucker, and he's also our worst enemy, you know, besides the Reds, and Tex on certain days.
Well, thank you for introducing me to your bowling ball. Hello bowling ball.
Actually, I'm a bomb.
It can talk?
Why is it the first thing everybody says to me?!
A talking bomb you say? Hmm, I could use a fellow like you in my organisation, heh heh.
Yeah, I should probably point out that Andy here was specifically designed to blow up and kill you.
I see... well, this is certainly awkward.
KABOOM!
[recoiling] Satan's bunions!
Ha ha ha! I was just kidding, I didn't really explode! heh heh!
Ha ha ha ha. Good one.
Yes highly amusive.
Okay, everybody, I'm gonna give Tucker his physical now. Would either of you like to assist?
That's just a fancy way of saying "hold the vomit bucket". Muaheheheh!
Uhh... Sorry, I'm busy.
Caboose?
I can't.
Well, why not?
Oh. Because... I am allergic to things I don't want to do... [Fakes coughing] ...Coughing.
Ok, just more fun for me.
Hey, guys? I've figured out what's wrong.
What is it, Doc?
You're not gonna like the diagnosis.
Hmhmhmhm which is ironic, because I think it's absolutely delightful, muhahahaha.
Just tell us, Doc. We can take it.
Your friend is -
Dying? Oh, no!
No, he's not dying, he just has -
No chance to live. I knew it!
Caboose, one more interruption outta you, and he's gonna have two patients.
How do I say this, your friend is...
Why are you pausing? Caboose is not gonna interrupt you this time.
No, that was just for dramatic effect. He's pregnant.
Oh, good... Wait, what?
Hmhmhmhmhm, preggers, muahaha.
All right, are we paying for this service, because, if we are, I want a refund. And if we're not, I want a refund
No it's true. We found two heartbeats. So unless he has two hearts the only logical explanation is that he's pregnant. I think.
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