AAndy
[Translating for the Alien] After we cross the Burning Plains of Honka Hill, we're gonna reach the Freezing Plains of Blarganthia.
The Burning Plains are next to the Freezing Plains? I bet there's some pretty wet plains in between.
[The Blues are about to embark on their quest]
I hope we meet a cleric on the way. We don't have anyone who can heal.
AAndy
He says he's a healer.
Oh, good.
AAndy
Not really. They eat their wounded. (starts laughing)
(speaks slowly) Just like chiropractors!
Ok, so, um, Tucker is the fighter, Crunchbite is the healer and I am the powerful.....and intelligent wizard, Morphumax.
AAndy
What the hell does that make me?
Caboose': You're the good-looking and stealthy archer.
AAndy
A bow and arrow? I don't have any arms, you frickin' moron!
That is what makes you so stealthy. [turns away from Andy] This is going to be the best party ever.
I'm gonna fuckin' die.
[Simmons has Sheila attack the Red base]
Firing main cannon.
Yeahah, take that! Suck it Blue- I mean Red! Suck it, Blue-uh, damn! Red! God, this is harder than I thought...
GGrif
Hey Simmons, what the hell are you doing?
What does it look like I'm doing, I'm attacking the Blue base—I mean, the Red base! Fuck!
[later]
You told Sarge that there wasn't a tank. There it is, it's a tank!
GGrif
Oh, you said listen to you, not agree with you. Yeah, I thought that joke was pretty funny, but now Donut's my manager and everything kinda sucks now.
Well, too bad, 'cause this is what you get now, you dumb Blue bitch! Red bitch! Fuck, you know what I mean!
[later]
Grif! What are you doing all the way over there! At least Simmons has the ingenuity to formulate a traitorous plan!
Thank you, sir!...I mean, SUCK IT BLUE!...God dammit, I mean RED!
But you're a slothful idiot! Treason takes effort! I never would've expected this from you.
GGrif
Oh, up yours.
What was that?
GGrif
...up yours, SIR.
That's better!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red vs Blue pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.