A character in Red vs Blue
Caboose
Red vs Blue · 504 quotes
Tied for 4th most-quoted character in Red vs Blue: in 150 of its 504 quotes
Most scenes with: Leonard Church (82), Tucker (66), Sarge (23)
Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank.
Sheila! You're fixed! You're fixed!
Hello Private Caboose. It is good to see you again. Thank you for repairing me.
He didn't fix you, a robot did it.
Don't cock-block me!
Man Caboose, you were asleep for a long time. What were you dreaming about?
Ohhhh nothing. I do not like to dream. I try not to think while I am sleeping.
That's pretty much how you function while you're awake too.
I think consistency is important.
[In ghost form] Well you look okay, then again that's just the armor. How do you feel?
Great! [Short pause] Who are you?
Oh come on, not this again! How can you seriously not remember me?!
Oh of course! I remember you. [Shorter pause] You're Marvin!
[Slowly] I'm Church.
I think I would remember a name That ridiculous. Nope. You are definitely Phill.
You killed me with the tank.
Dave!
You insulted my girlfriend, you called her a cow.
Terrence!
Dude, he called her a slut.
Phineas?
You're whole life is based around pleasing me.
Wally.
In fact, I think you're kind of obsessed w-
Milo?
-ith being my best friend.
[To Tucker] Psst! The new guy is pretty full of himself.
New guy? What the? I'm not the new guy! You're the new guy!
I don't know, I kinda like it. I can get used to calling you rookie.
Oh yeah? Could you get used to me beating you to death?
[To Tucker again] Psst! What's wrong with the rookie? He seems mad.
Oh son of a bitch.
Hooven?
Okay, listen closely. Our biggest secrets is Wahigattatawagatagata.
Caboose, it's me Church. I've possessed this guy so we can... whew, hey, this pink armor is kinda' comfortable. Roomie. Sweet. What were you two guys talking about?
Oh... nothing.
.... Wanna braid each others hair?
[Caboose and Donut in Blue base]
I think this is what they call the calm before the storm?
I call it nap time. Which is right before food time. And then comes food-nap time! That is my favorite time of them all!
Private Doughnut... That sounds like Private Biscuit!
Yeah, it kinda' does...
[O'Malley has escaped with Lopez and the Reds and Blues find themselves forced to work together]
So now we're forced to work together. How ironic.
No, that's not ironic. Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other.
No. Ironic would be instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him.
I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds.
I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron.
TWO HOURS LATER
Okay. [slowly] We're all agreed that while the current situation is not totally ironic, the fact that we have to work together is odd in an unexpected way that defies our normal circumstances. Is everybody happy with that?
[Upon arriving in Battle Creek]
Hello? Anyone? Do you read me? Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay. Clicks off radio Well, I don't think the others are coming. We must have gotten separated somehow.
My toes, are getting pruney.
Ooookay. Why don't we try to find O'Malley?
I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while. Maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates!
Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left… and the carpet… and the drapes… and I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if y'know what I mean.
[Caboose rounds the corner to see a blue man laying on the ground]
Sergeant! Look! A sleeping person!
What? Holy Macaroon... [Sarge runs over to inspect the blue] He's not sleeping son, he's dead.
Oh good. At first, I thought that was me. Because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly.
No doubt he was killed by our very enemy. Once again, I find my-self torn. On the one hand, there's one less blue in the universe, but now Doc's got a bigger body count than me! And that just won't do, No sir. [Sarge turns to the dead blue] Rest in piece...scumbag.
[Caboose rounds the next corner to find a small area with bullet holes in the walls, blood on the ground and walls and many reds and blues lying on the ground]
Look, more sleeping people. It must be nap time! But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times!
What the Samuel Helsinki happened here? There must have been an enormous battle. [Calls out] Hello? Is anyone okay? Are there any survivors? Preferably any RED survivors. Don't let that discourage you from speaking up if you're blue! I won't step on your neck or anything like that.
Am I allowed to answer?
Shhh, quiet. You hear that?
[Trumpet starts playing in the background, getting steadily louder playing 'Reveille']
Yes. That noise is called water. It is very wet, and very sloshy.
I was talking about the trumpet, bluetard.
I have to go to the bathroom now for some reason... Which is odd, because I already went when we were standing in the creek together!
Wait a minute! I know that song! That's Reveille! But why would someone be playing Reveille in the middle of-
[At this point all the supposedly dead red's and blue's jump up cheering and yelling]
Sweet jibbling jibblets!!
Running time!
[The numerous soldiers run past Sarge and Caboose, running into their respective bases chanting 'hup, hup, hup', etc.]
What just happened here?"
I think all the sleeping people were trying t-
That was rhetorical.
[Sarge runs over to a window through which you can hear unintelligible cheers]
Get over here, gimmie a boost.
Okay...[Walks over to Sarge] You are a good person, and people say nice things about you.
Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window.
That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough.
I know... I need you to help me look through it.
I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is round, and that window is square.
C'mere you...
[Sarge boosts Caboose to look through a window]
Whoa!
What do you see?
I see... a room.
And? What's in the room?
There are some walls, and some ceilings... wait! Just one ceiling.
What's making all that racket?
Kill the reds! Kill the reds! Kill the reds! Kill the reds! Kill the reds!
You are not going to like it.
[Camera goes back to both Sarge and Caboose]
Caboose, I have a veery bad feeling ab-[Sarge notices the trumpet playing again]...What's that?
[Blues come running out of their base, firing weapons madly in all directions]
Chaaarge! Chaaaarge! Yeaaaah! Woo-hoo!
[Red Soldiers run out of their base, also firing their weapons madly in all directions screamin taunts]
Come on Caboose! We got to get to higher ground!
Yeah, I love reloading, I love to reload!
[Red Soldier pops up and hits him in the back of the head]
Oh! Back of the head! Tell my girlfriend that I love her...
She's my girlfriend now bitch!
Come on Caboose! [Sarge and Caboose climb a ladder to a cliff above]
[From their new vantage point, Caboose and Sarge view the scene below them: Multiple reds and blues shooting non-stop at each other]
Yeah, get some! You want some!?
Sarge, I am scared of our new friends.
Ah, sonny-bo-no, what's going on here?
[Trumpet plays once and a Red carrying a blue flag runs out of the blue base]
[A red soldier runs up behind a blue and kills him]
Oh yeah! Oh no!
[The soldier gets killed by a sniper shot to the head]
Head shot! [The sniper gets hit by a rocket] Oh! You rocket whore!
Yeah! You want some!? I got some for you! How 'bout you?
The only good blue is a dead blue!
Christ, this water's cold!
Hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, YO!
[The Blue soldier gets hit by a rocket]
Weak! You took my kill!
I didn't see your name on it!
[As the Rocket Soldier runs past a rock, he gets shot and killed by a blue hiding behind the rock]
Oh, you fucking camping bitch!
It's a legitimate strategy!
[The blue runs away, and when he runs out from behind a rock, he almost gets hit by a sniper shot]
Whoa!
Damn! Hey Blue, we're the only two left, let's work together!
What do you mean?
I'm coming out!
Okay, I'm coming out too!
[The two meet in the middle of the creek]
What did you mean we could work as a team?
[The Red Sniper smashes his rifle into the Blue Camper's head, killing him]
I bash you in the head with my rifle, and you die! Good teamwork, you fucking noob! Good game! Good game everybody, GG man, GG! [The Sniper dies with no cause] Blah!
I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is, or where in the hell O'Malley is! My only choice is to blame Grif for coming up with such a flawed plan. Stupid, stupid Grif.
I am so confused. Where is Church? I need Church to tell me what to think. Church can handle this, he can handle anything!
Caboose, we have to break this neverending cycle of attack-and-retaliation either by a) convincing the two sides to live in peace, or b) by getting ourselves completely involved and kicking some serious ass! I vote b.
I have a plan, Sergeant, but we will have to move quick. Listen, [runs up to Sarge and whispers] whisper whisper whisper Do you think that will work?
That's your plan? All you said was 'whisper whisper whisper'.
I know, I just want to be the one with the plan for once.
[Sarge and Caboose's negotiation fails and the grunts continue to kill each other]
Caboose, I give up...
Wait! I can make them listen. I can beat them!
Son, What are you talkin' about?
O'Malley taught me how to be mean! I just have to (grunting) concentrate, on, bad, things, like milk! No, wait, red... Red Bull!
Son, I think you may have lost it. O'Malley is not inside your head anymore! He infected the Doc!
No, I can feel him! I just need to get angry and say, mean, things, like Your, brain, is, a mountain, of hatred!
I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually miss Grif...But here it is.
Now, I, am, thinking, about... kittens! Guh, kit-tens, cov-ered in spikes! That makes, me, angry!
[Caboose lets out a primal scream as he leaps down among Battle Creek players]
Yearh!
[He lands]
My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I hate babies!
It's the beast! The anti-flag, come to live among us and rule us for seven years! The end is nigh! [gets killed by "Evil Caboose"] Dyhurg!
[killed] Yikes!
[killed] Yowzaa!
[they are standing in a row, Caboose mows them dow with sniper rifle] Ow! Wee! Wow!
Your toast has been burned and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts.
Aww shut up Caboose!
[Simmons has saved Sarge and Caboose from Battle Creek]
What happened? The last thing I remember was a very mean kitten, and then we were in this janitor's closet, and my throat hurts, a lot.
What was that weird place Sarge?
Simmons, I have absolutely no idea.
What's going on? Who are you people?
He has amnesia! Tucker! Don't worry. You are safe. We're the reds, we are your mortal enemies. Wait. That didn't sound right.
Tucker! Tucker! I am so glad you are alive.
Caboose? Still so dumb, but you look so different.
We're in the future! Things are very shiny here.
The future? Oh, I can't fucking wait to hear this one.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Red vs Blue pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
