Caboose quotes from Red vs Blue

Are you okay, Tucker?

Yeah, I'm fine. (turns back to their base) Come on, Caboose!

Does it hurt?

No, not at all!

Okay, here I come! (runs into teleport)

Does it hurt for real?

Oh yes, big time.

(as he emerges from the teleport) OOWWWWWWWJEEZ!! (turns to Tucker) You lied to me.

Alright, I'll make one more distraction, and then you run up to the teleporter and escape. Ready? One...two...thr- [Caboose fires the sniper rifle, killing Sarge] What the... where did my body go?! Oh you've gotta be kidding me! [Looks around]

Tucker did it!

Tucker, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body.

Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it.

It's a freaking indignity! My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest.

Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now?

Hey Church, Look! Birds! ...Why are they flying around in circles?

Aw man, how come they get a girl?!

[from ground level] Uh, you guys realize that I'm a chick, right? And that I'm standin'... right here?

Yeah Tex, but when we say a girl, we mean a girl girl.

And what the hell does that mean?

...Nothing! [both quickly back up from the ledge]

Oh Crap! Caboose, she's almost done fixing Sheila. I'd better radio Church and tell him what's going on.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Tucker, please! Please! Tucker! Tucker! Tucker! Tucker! Please!

Yes... You can be the one who radios Church.

Thanks man. [Activating radio] Calling Church. Come in Church. This is your close personal friend, Private O'Malley.

O'Malley? You said your name was Caboose!

I never said that! You guys did!

Why didn't you correct us?

Because I didn't want to be difficult. [Radios Church] Come in, Private Church. Do you copy? Soldier unit Tex almost has the armour vehicle situation rectified. Okay. We require verification of your... mission...ness. [clears throat] How is your progression?

¡Caboose! ¡Nadie aquí está escuchándome! ¡No mas Puedo hablar español! [Translated as: Caboose! No one here is listening to me! I can only speak Spanish for some reason!]

[Turns to Tucker] ... He says he wants to talk to you.

Hey Church, we have a problem.

I am not your mother, so don't come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn't like!

I'm telling you, he's crazy. He keeps threatening me and talking in a scary voice.

No I didn't.

Oh, so you're saying you didn't threaten to cut off my head and give it to Church as a birthday present?

You know, I think you're taking my words a little out of context.

What, what context?!

Listen guys, this competition thing has got to stop, okay ? I thought we'd established by now-

Excuse me?

Hey pal, one second, okay? I'm in the middle of something here. Look, I thought we'd established by now- I don’t like either of you, okay? So competing for my attention is not gonna do you any good.

Excuse me.

Okay. Yes. Hello. Who are you?

[Scary Voice] Don’t. Ever. Be. Alone.

...he’s doing that thing again!

My name is... DuFresne. Are you Private Tucker?

No I'm not Private Tucker, my name is Church. [Turning towards Tucker] This is Private Tucker.

Yo!

And our friend over there in regulation blue, that's Caboose. Or... O'Malley or whatever the hell he's calling himself.

Why does he always introduce me second?

Because he hates you.

I received your call for a medic.

Medic? That was like three months ago...

Yeah what'd you do? Crawl all the way here?

I came here as quickly as I could. Where is the patient?

Well, about fifty yards behind you, and six feet straight down.

Oh... I'm sorry about your loss...

What? Oh yeah. Yeah... Thanks man... That was tough but what anybody can do...

We didn't like her very much... [Whispering] She was mean to other people.

And who's in the other grave.

That's eh... That's me! I'm in that grave.

Ahem... Of course!

See, uh, he got killed by this, uh... crazy runaway tank-

[Interrupting] Or by the idiot driving it.

Oh yeah, and then he became, uh, this really mean ghost, and uh, took over a Mexican robot's body. Oh, and then we had to (that's right) spray-paint him (to make him blue), and now he is alive again, and he is a bionic man. Who... is blue.

I'm a pacifist.

You're a thing that babies suck on...

No, dude, that's a pedophile.

Tucker, I think he means a pacifier.

Oh yeah, right. Man I was... totally thinking 'bout somethin' else.

That’s real classy, Tucker.

No, I’m just going to check your vitals.

I bet I have better vitals than you.

...

...

What’s a vital?

I can't believe Church shot me!

[Irritated, echoing scream from nearby] Oh don't even start Caboose!

You have a bullet wound in the foot. Is anything else wrong?

Uh… Oh! I got one. Uh, well, sometimes, when I fall asleep at night, I think about my parents having sex, and I get really, really mad for some reason.

Okay; I'm just gonna start with the foot.

There, you hear that?

Is it like a screaming, high-pitched whistling noise followed by a series of random clicks?

No, it's just like this constant beep, beep, beep noise.

Oh... then no, I don't hear anything.

Whoa wait, do you actually HEAR a series of whistling noises followed by some random clicks?

No, I'm just trying to be helpful.

Yeah, well, you're failing.

Oh, I hear that voice telling us to kill all of our friends before they have a chance to kill us. (Church and Tucker stare at Caboose)

What? You guys don't hear that?

Uh… Church? I think that you should know that the Reds are—

Hey Blues, we're here to — what the hell are you guys doing?

[looking through the sniper scope] Oh, Church, Church. Okay, I-I see something. [through the scope, we see Grif and Simmons leaving Doc to look around in confusion] Okay, the two red ones are walking away, uh but the purple one is... [Scary voice] I think he's going to attack.

Purple? Oh wait, the purple guy is that worthless medic.

He's not gonna attack, he's a pussy-fest.

Pacifist.

Ah, whatever, let's tie him up and roll him through the teleporter.

Wait a second, wait a second, think about this for a minute. Why would the reds leave him out there by himself? This has to be some kinda trick.

I'll bet they've used some kind of... brainwashing technique on him! They're-they're probably planning to have him do all their dirty plans! And also the schemes!

Caboose, that is ridiculous.

{stares at Tucker through the scope] Is it? Or is it so ridiculous, it's the most ridiculously perfect idea that you never thought of?

No, just the regular kind of ridiculous.

[talking to Lopez] Alright, that's the deal Mr. Robot. You fix our tank, we let you go free.

I thought the plan was to trick him into fixing the tank, and then Church will take over his body again when he is done.

Yeah, but you don't tell the person you are tricking what's going on, Caboose.

So, if I'm the one being tricked, then you will not tell me what is really going ON?

Why would we trick you?

Oh. [Pause] I think you know.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, fix the tank! So that I can say hello to Shiela... [Scary voice] and start killing everyone!

You mean all the Reds?

Of course... [Scary voice] for starters!