TV show quotes
[Guessing a song]
Is it Northern?
ooh?
It is...Stone Roses, "Sally Cinnamon"
Ahh...
"Shes a Waterfall"!! Waterfall, Waterfall!
Jonas, I would have given you a point...but you were a bit smug about it.
I wasn't smug!
"I know it. It's Northern, The Stone Roses, with blah blah WRONG!"
[Guessing another song]
[Singing] I wonder why...
I wonder why!
I will not stand for cheating!
That's it, isn't it?
I can not give you this point, Jonas.
Why not?!
Because you stole it!
You said I could have another go, so I did!
You had another go and then he, [points to Nick] he spoke with his mouth!
I swear to God, I didn't even look at him...
You are a liar and a thief.
Easy, Robin, leave it. Leave it...
Not so merry now, are you!?
I love Kate, but I'd love her job.
Hmmm.
Why don't you like her?
She doesn't appear to be human.
I sit here, Simon, week after week, being your quiz whore...
Yes.
[After Rik Waller from the line up swaps places with Phill]
There's no answer anymore...
To be honest-
What shall I do? What shall I do?
I'm very confused. There is no doubt about it that that [He looks at Rik sitting in Phill's place] is Rik Waller... Yet we have a line up of people...
When you say will he step forward, he can't 'cause he's not here. It's a conundrum, Simon.
Why didn't I spend more time at presenting school?! What are we going to do...quick, Sinitta, stand on a ball!!
How does you theme go?
It hasn't got lyrics...
"He's the bitch of Sherwood forest! He's gonna bust an arrow in yo' ass!"
Correct. Bryan Adams from the Robin Hood Prince of Thieves film...
Yeah, yeah...
...with the irreplaceable Kevin Costner.
[Reading an intro] "Lights going out, a kick in the balls..."?
"That's entertainment".
Correct. That's Entertainment by The Jam. That's not entertainment...standing on a ball, that's entertainment.
With regulars Simon Amstell, Bill Bailey and Phill Jupitus
With guests Bonnie Tyler, Mel C, Adam Buxton, Krishnan Guru-Murthy
[After watching a video]
That was Babyshambles with "Fuck Forever". I find that suggestion obscene and impractical.
[About Pete Doherty]
Have you seen his fingernails? Would you ever let those fingernails anywhere near you? They're dirty.
But you could clean his fingernails and then use them...
[About his experience with drugs]
Mushrooms, jesus, yeah, I did some mushrooms, can I just tell you? 'Cause, uh, no one told me what kind of dose you're supposed to take. You know, because I fell into the bad crowd at university. Don't go to university, kids. It's a disaster. And uh, they said, like, "Let's do some mushies!". I said, "I don't want to do too many, because drugs frighten me. I don't want to get off my head completely, I just want to get a bit giggly". They said "All right, just want to get a bit giggly...take a hundred". So I had a hundred fucking mushrooms...and so, went to Mars, you know. And that was the night that my scrotum shriveled up to the size of a pea. I had to spend the rest of the week just, like, looking at photographs of myself, my friends and family to try and remember who I fucking was. Nightmare. Don't ever, ever do it!
Good message there from the BBC.
How many Nellies does it take to change a nightbulb?
A nightbulb?
A lightbulb. I'd like you know, Simon! How many Nellies does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know! I don't know, Bonnie. How many Nellies-
How many Manchester United players does it take...to change a lightbulb?
I don't know... How many Manchester United players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One from the team, the one from the...uh...the guy who goes to fetch the other one in red...
[Bill looks bewildered]
Should we pump your stomach? I don't know what to do.
[To Krishnan] How do you stand with all the channel four, the whole business, you know, the terrible, you know-
Bill, it's six weeks ago.
What?
The racism.
Six weeks ago?!
This is going out in six weeks.
Don't, don't say that!
What?
Don't say it's six weeks ago when it's now, man. You're fucking up with my head! It's now in my head!
I just don't want you to waste-
Oh, so let's talk about things that might happen in the future!! Blimey, them new hover trousers are great, aren't they? Bonnie, how's the new perfume range?
Nobody's asked me to launch one...
They have, 'cause it's in the FUTURE!! He said it was the future!! The Time Lord! Yes, Bonnie's perfume is going very well, thank you, Simon. Now let's carry on as if nothing happened, nobody's any the wiser!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
