Bonnie quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

How many Nellies does it take to change a nightbulb?

A nightbulb?

A lightbulb. I'd like you know, Simon! How many Nellies does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know! I don't know, Bonnie. How many Nellies-

How many Manchester United players does it take...to change a lightbulb?

I don't know... How many Manchester United players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One from the team, the one from the...uh...the guy who goes to fetch the other one in red...

Simon

Should we pump your stomach? I don't know what to do.

[To Krishnan] How do you stand with all the channel four, the whole business, you know, the terrible, you know-

Simon

Bill, it's six weeks ago.

What?

Simon

The racism.

Six weeks ago?!

Simon

This is going out in six weeks.

Don't, don't say that!

Simon

What?

Don't say it's six weeks ago when it's now, man. You're fucking up with my head! It's now in my head!

Simon

I just don't want you to waste-

Oh, so let's talk about things that might happen in the future!! Blimey, them new hover trousers are great, aren't they? Bonnie, how's the new perfume range?

Nobody's asked me to launch one...

They have, 'cause it's in the FUTURE!! He said it was the future!! The Time Lord! Yes, Bonnie's perfume is going very well, thank you, Simon. Now let's carry on as if nothing happened, nobody's any the wiser!!

Simon

I don't want to upset Bonnie...

But you don't mind upsetting me?

Simon

Ah, no, because you're not a drunk...anything could happen.

My big sister will come here and tell you off.

Simon

What does she drink?

Simon

Now with the weather, here's Bonnie.

What?

Over here, [She points at Bill's chest] it's going to be very warm...and down here, [She points to Bill's groin] it's going to be ice cold. Up here, [She points to Bill's head] there's been a lot of wind...

Simon

[Reading an intro] "Turn around..."?

Bright eyes.

Simon

Not what I've got here.

Oh. Every now and then I get a little bit lonely when I dream of something wild.

Simon

No.

Every now and then I fall apart.

Simon

No.

Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes.

Simon

...Correct. Okay, next one..."Turn around..."?