Rocky, how often do I have to tell you, you should stop reading those science fiction novels?
CACrow [as Rocky]
[defensively] THEY'RE COMIC BOOKS!
S3Fugitive Alien
[as the crew of Bacchus 3 discusses what to do about Ken, while Captain Joe drinks from a flask]
Captain, anyone can make a mistake, just as long as you don't keep on repeating it. I think we should get rid of Ken.
CACrow [as Joe]
Which one?
TTammy
I disagree. Have you already forgotten? Ken saved our lives! I think he deserves another chance. Don't you agree?
Okay.
Man of firm convictions...
I guess you're right. I'll take him back on one condition...
JAJoel [as Rocky]
You stop drinking, and start going to meetings.
S3Mighty Jack
[The villain has shot himself, but his pet cat is still alive.]
So that cat is going to have to take the rap for this whole thing?
[One of the credits for the cameramen is listed as SFX Camera .]
Sex cameraman? Is this a–
No, no, no– S-F-X, Joel.
JCJoel, Crow, Servo
[singing to "Blow the Man Down"]
Slow the plot down, laddy, slow the plot down
Way hey, slow the plot down!
We'll scuttle the story and run her aground.
We'll try so hard to slow the plot down!
Ohhh, we'll make you a movie that's long and immense.
Way hey, slow the plot down!
Just give us a script that makes no friggin' sense!
We'll try so hard to slow the plot down!
S3Time of the Apes
[In response to Keiiche Abe's writing credit.]
CCrow
Someone wants to admit that they wrote this?
[Still shot of two gorillas]
CCrow
Oh look, it's Shelly Winters and Ernest Borgnine.
[As the humans climb hand-over-hand under a bridge, Caroline knocks a small chunk of wood into the river.]
CACrow [as Caroline]
My piece of wood! It died so that we might live.
[An Ape military officer gathers the troops.]
CACrow [as Officer]
About face! Crap in hands! Fling crap!
Catherine, I'm scared!
Don't worry, we're with you.
CCrow
We're doomed, but with you.
CCrow
C'mon! Try and move faster than the plot!
[Caroline, Johnny, and Catherine are running and hiding from ape military officers]
Hurry, this way!
CCrow
Oh, like you know where you're going!
[Trees in the background begin to tremble ominously]
AAAH! The tree's having a seizure!
I thought I told you kids not to play ball in the house!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.