[The movie credits show: Miles O'Keefe]
CCrow
How much Keefe is in this movie?
Oh, Miles O' Keefe!
S3Cave Dwellers
AAtor
Man's destiny is predetermined.
Oh, he's a Calvinist!
[Two villains have shot Mila with a bow and arrow. Mila is able to run away, so they follow chase.]
SAServo [as one of the villains]
You idiot, we don't even have a doe license!
[Mila has been locked in a cell by Ator as a test of her knowledge.]
JAJoel [as Mila]
Let's see now, there's a superball and half a peanut and a length of kite string and a carpenter's saw.
TATom [as Mila]
What would MacGyver do?
[The narrator is introducing the characters in the film.]
After the time of the Great Forming, there was a time when the world was populated by wild, cruel, and ignorant men.
Oh, you mean the '80s.
[In the flashback, Ator the Invicible fights a giant spider.]
CCrow
He never killed, uh, that big a puppet before.
[Ator is attacked by the same primitive-looking cavemen from the first scene in the movie.]
CCrow
Oh! These must be the "Cave Dwellers"!
Yes ladies and gentlemen, thirty-five minutes into the film and we finally have our first plot point!
[Ator and Thong are attacked by invisible enemies.]
I don't believe it -- they were too cheap to hire villains in this movie.
[Ator is battling a pathetic-looking snake puppet.]
Hey, it's not slimy at all!
That's 'cause it's made out of velour.
. . .
Just cut the wires, Ator!
[Barbarian Ator leaps from a cliff in a rather modern-looking hang-glider.]
Oh, come on.
CCrow
What the…?!
[laughs]
Terrific. [childlike voice] I'm the luckiest boy in the world! I have slipped the surly bounds of Earth and touched the hand of God!
This is a little ridiculous. Okay, so… he kills a deer, he tans the hides, he stretches the skins, he makes an anodized aluminum frame, he learns how to extrude and weld… all in about five minutes, huh? […] learned aerodynamics…
[Ator glides over the castle walls, dropping hand-made bombs on the guards.]
Message for you, sir! Oh, he also made bombs while he was up there.
Looks like he's gonna carpet-bomb.
[Despite flying over a castle amidst a mountain range, Ator brings his glider in for a landing in an open field.]
Oh, he's landing in the outback now.
[The scene then switches to Ator landing on top of said castle.]
CCrow
Uh-- huh?
How'd he do that?
SAServo [as Ator]
How'd I do that?
[Ator draws his swords and charges into battle.]
Well, I s'pose he's got a tank in the courtyard, now.
CCrow
Yeah, and it's made out of coconuts.
[The camera pans over a group of snakes, which suddenly make highly non-snake-like growling noises.]
...what?
[Another pan over snakes, another set of growling noises.]
Uh... folks, we have snakes growling here...
S3Pod People
[Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank explain the benefits of their invention: the public domain karaoke machine]
For example, say you're at a karaoke bar. Now, what happens when someone gets on stage and wants to sing... oh, "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner?
TSTV's Frank
People vomit?
Your movie today is Pod People. It has nothing to do with pods, it has nothing to do with people, it has everything to do with hurting!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.