Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 2
[Outside a bar, a scruffy motorcycle gang with skulls-and-crossbones on their jackets dismount and enter.]
Hey, those guys are marked clearly as poison. Don't eat 'em. Hmm.
If you take these bikers internally, do not induce vomiting.
Nah, the movie'll do that for you. Like an ipecac.
An epa-- oh, that Genesis album?
[The bikers are cycling along a road through a forest, guzzling beer.]
Two roads diverged into a yellow wood / And, sorry I could not take my hog down both / And be one traveller, long I stood.
You beat the stuffing out of three preppies and given away the girl, but before the day is through, you'll take enough drugs to kill a horse. Now, it's Miller Time!
[The gang is making their getaway from a bank after robbing it.]
Not this way, man, my mom will see me!
[A shot with a cop on a motorcycle in front of the Lt.'s car.]
Hey, look! Erik Estrada!
[Jeeter (the biker leader) watches as fellow biker Banjo jealously observes someone flirting with Linda]
Can you boys believe it; Banjo's in love.
[as Jeeter] Okay, would you believe- mildly infatuated? H-how about a school-girl crush?
[later the gang approaches the bar-goer who flirted with Linda]
Our girl is like a virgin goddess; no creeps- no creeps are allowed to touch her.
[as Banjo] Only union members and their families!
[the bikers' hideout is shown for the first time, notably with a swastika-emblazoned flag hanging off the wall]
Just look at all those books up there [on the shelf]- Leaves of Grass...
Trump: The Art of the Deal...
Mein Kampf...
The Essays of Pat Buchanan...
[A quick shot of a rocket on a launch pad.]
Oh, look! A V-2!
Aw, I could've had a V8!
[As the American military and science team heads for the mountain on which a radioactive rocket landed, their native guide turns to flee.]
Aren't you coming with us?
[nervously] Nooo!
Me no got lead sarong.
Sacred mountain taboo! No one ever come back from home of god!
Besides, you guys not see woman in long time.
[During the film's interminable rock-climbing sequence]
Must...try...hard...to...pad...out...the...film!
Come on, God, why, why, why?! [groans]
This is-this is a madhouse, a madhouse! [groans]
Ugh, I never knew mountain time was so slow.
Please.
Stay with me, baby.
Come on, "stay with me, baby", is that all you can say?! [sobbing]
Kill them all, kill them, please, kill them! [sobbing]
Come on, hey you guys, calm down. Hey, it's only a movie, we can handle it. Okay? [pause] WHO ARE YOU? WHERE ARE WE? CAN WE GET A FRAME OF REFERENCE OR SOMETHING?!?!? PLEASE!!!
[to Ross Hagen] Where ya from?
Sidehackers.
[Stumbling around drunk and high] Roses are green. Violets are red...'
I like to shoot heroin straight into my head.
[title card features a large X, with Marks the Spot fading in atop it.]
Marks the Spot? Is that like Mack the Knife?
No, I think it's about a dog that changed its name.
[Seated, non-actor New Jersey commissioner Arthur Magee gives a prologue to the 1944 traffic-safety short.]
The loss of life, or any disabling injury to a war worker, means a definite setback to our war plan.
If you kill yourself here, you can't kill them over there.
We kill…
Sounds like Commissioner Fudd.
… and maim our fellow countrymen, without malice, without hatred, without thinking.
Without ENERGY! Would you wake up?! Come on!
. . .
You can't see it fwom here, but my towso is fused to a bwock of gwanite.
[The scene fades to an intersection]
Now here's an intersection near where Joe lived.
Called "Blood Alley"
No stop signs, the kind of place where nobody bothered to stop or slow down...
It made you feel happy.
[Scene pans to a car approaching]
Here comes someone from one direction and...
[Pan to another car coming the opposite way]
...uh-oh... here comes Joe from the other.
Let's watch the fun! Hee-hee! The joke will be on Joe!
[Cut to a pedestrian watching the corner. As the cars approach each other, he plugs his ears, and closes his eyes tightly just before impact.]
Well, I guess he can't be a witness...
King Dinosaur (movie)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
