[Bob and Greta the White Goddess are in a tough spot.]
BBob
[sarcastic] White goddess having trouble?
CCrow
White fascist getting smart?
S2Jungle Goddess
S2Catalina Caper
BDBob Draper
Hi, I'm Bob Draper. School must've assigned you a keeper.
DPDon Pringle
Don Pringle.
CACrow [as Don]
Heir to the potato chip fortune.
[On the Catalina ferry Little Richard performs the song "Scuba Party" in his trademark effervescent fashion.]
CCrow
Little Richard? I hate impressionists!
. . .
Prince, I hope you're watching this!
I think a certain teen idol is hopped up on goofballs!
CCrow
Little Richard: the one true talent in this film!
KKatrina
His name is Angelo.
He's a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
[On a large yacht, soundtrack artists Carol Connors and The Cascades observe the boys and girls angrily ignoring each other.]
I feel a number coming on…
CCCarol Connors
Hey, we better do something, and quick!
VCVarious Cascades
Yeah! Let's do something.
CCrow
Hey, it's Gloria Estefan and the Catalina Deus Ex Sound Machina!
S2Rocket Attack U.S.A.
[On the SOL, the Bots are playing Civil Defense Quiz Bowl. Joel hosts.]
All right, let's get things started with a toss-up question. What three word slogan was coined during the Cold War as a schoolchild's best defense against an A-bomb attack? [Servo buzzes in] Tom Servo of Oak Ridge!
Uh, uh, uh, duck and cover?
Could you state in the form of a desperate cry to God to save you from an unholy death, please?
[screaming] DUCK AND COVER!
Is right for five points.
[U.S. spy John Manston debriefs his lovely Soviet contact, Tanya.]
MManston
Hard to believe that a group of civilized men could sit around and calmly discuss how to murder five or six million others.
JAJoel [as Manston]
That's why we've got to crush them!
[Back in the U.S., a general tries to get a scientist to assure success on an American missile program.]
If we can't come up with something better within a reasonable time, this country is going to witness the most frightful disaster it has ever seen.
You mean an actor becoming President?
[General Watkins answers his phone.]
Hello?
JAJoel [as voice on other end]
Hello, are you wearing rubber underwear?
Yes!
CCrow
[After a car has taken an abnormally long time to park] Nobody will be admitted during the breathtaking car-parking sequence!
[Tanya meets Manston in some ruins near the Soviet missile base.]
MManston
Did Lars give you the TNT?
CACrow [as Tanya]
He gave me the T and the N, but not the other T. And I had the A.
[New York has just been nuked.]
CCrow
It turned the Big Apple into apple sauce.
[The very first MST3K "stinger"]
BGBlind Guy
Help me.
S2Ring of Terror
[College student Lewis Moffitt (played by 41-year-old George E. Mather) gets off the phone with his girlfriend.]
JAJoel [as Moffitt]
Aw, she's the ginchiest. Life does begin at 40.
[He puts on a sweater.]
SAServo [as Moffitt]
Let's see… [groans] … ooh, that bursitis is really acting up today.
CACrow [as Moffitt/Old Man]
I'm gonna have to take a sweater. My legs are old, my teeth are grey…
The Phantom Creeps, Chapter 3 (short)
[Dr. Zorka shows the chauffeur the "source of his power," which looks like a patterned cube]
CACrow [as Bela Lugosi]
It's called a Rubiks Cube. Don't screw it up!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.