This opening sequence is a clickbait article just waiting to happen.
S13The Bubble
By the way, what happened to Mr. Airplane? You know, what's his name? Herric?
MMark
Tony Herric. He found himself a saloon, and a girl. I think I'm gonna join him.
CSCrow, Servo, and Joel
What?!
[as Tony and Mark drive through the mysterious town]
MMark
Never seen such mixed up architecture. It almost looks like the backside of a movie lot.
TTony
That's it! A movie lot, big deal.
MMark
Yeah, of course.
CACrow [as Mark]
That explains everything.
MMark
The people in the costumes, the... the cables coming from underneath the lampposts...
SAServo [as Mark]
This guy who keeps yelling at me to act better.
MMark
But I don't see any- any cameras, Tony.
TTony
Friend, all I want is the exit.
JAJoel [as Tony]
One of these warp pipes should get us out of here.
...
TTony
Ah, to hell with it, all I want's my plane.
All I want's the end credits.
You know, it just dawned on me. They're really having a tough time.
CCrow
Yeah, this movie's helping me put my little problems into perspective.
That's right, my little robot friends, no matter how bad your day is, you can always say "At least I'm not in Arch Oboler's The Bubble."
But, we are watching Arch Oboler's The Bubble, and that's pretty bad.
Yeah, I guess I'm sorry I tried to cheer us up. This blows.
MMark
Look, isn't it about time?
Uh-oh...
MMark
That you face reality?
Oh, apt thing to say to a new mom.
Reality? What reality?
CCrow
You're soaking in it.
That either I'm in some kind of a nightmare from which I can't want up, or if what you say is true, then... then I'm part of a human zoo.
You make it sound so metal.
I'd rather be in that nightmare.
This is why you talk about human zoos before you get married.
MMark
In a zoo? Were we so free before? Was I, the nine to five routine year after year?
But Mark, to live like an animal under the eye of-
MMark
Since when haven't I been under an eye?
As a child.
MMark
As a child, hell, first, first there was school, then there was the army, then after the army, the job.
CACrow [as Mark]
Then came army school.
MMark
When hadn't there been some kind of eye watching over me? Stop tearing yourself apart over a world that doesn't even exist anymore.
The end!
MMark
Be grateful for this one. Well what's the matter with this place?
CACrow [as Catherine]
Dull.
MMark
The walk? Keeps out meanness and hate.
And entertainment.
MMark
Yeah, even the bomb.
CCrow
Whoa, that's heavy.
They're walking dead!
MMark
Well, we're not they. We don't eat what they eat. Look, we know what we're doing.
SAServo [as Mark]
We're chill.
MMark
We can live out our lives here, Cath, and by ourselves in perfect health and perfect security.
JAJoel [as Mark]
Thanks to ADT.
MMark
Well what's wrong with that?
I... I look up there... and I think to myself...
CACrow [as Louis Armstrong]
What a bubbleful world!
[as Mark walks along the bubble barrier in a daze]
This is what I imagine it feels like to work for Amazon.
CCrow
It finally happened. I'm completely out of things to say! It's like riffing on the same movie over and over and over again! I CAN'T TAKE IT! THE BUBBLE IS REAL!!! AHHHHH! [runs out of the theater]
SJServo and Joel
Wonder what he wanted.
S13The Christmas Dragon
God help us, everyone.
AArdy
Movie in the ho-ho-hole!
[Gazared and Boomtall approach Ayden's parents]
GGazared
Taxes.
ASAyden's Mother
Do you steal from every person you collect, or just us?
GGazared
Are you going to give me the payment, or do you need... persuading?
ASAyden's Father
I'm not giving you anything. I shall deliver my payment to Lord Rothford himself.
GGazared
I don't think our lord visits many men in the dungeon. Arrest him!
[thugs draw swords and approach]
CACrow [as a thug]
Alright, certified public accountants, let's crunch some numbers!
[Ayden's Father punches a thug, starting a brief fight]
CSCrow, Servo, and Emily
[singing] Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!
[comes out of hiding] No!
SAServo [as Ayden]
File an extension!
ASAyden's Father
[stops the fight] Alright! Alright. Enough.
EAEmily [as Gazared]
Really? You were winning.
ASAyden's Father
I'll get the money.
CACrow [as Ayden's Father]
We can Airbnb our hut.
ASAyden's Father
Just don't hurt her.
GGazared
I wouldn't dream of hurting her. Not when I can get such a fair price for another child in the mines. Get them in the wagon! [the struggle resumes]
CSCrow, Servo, and Emily
[singing] Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!
CCrow
So, now I'm totally confused about Christmas.
G2GPC 2
Yeah, does this mean Rudolph can breathe fire?
And how does the magic crystal figure into the nativity story? Ugh, whoever interpreted the Dead Sea Scrolls really dropped the ball on this one.
FFin
Where's Garrett?
SAServo [as Ayden]
He decided to leave us and join a family of giraffes with his long neck and all. [sobs]
[as Rand baits a hook and tosses it in the river]
Good idea, Rand. You see? If we all work together, we can make it.
JAJoel [as Ayden]
But not if we keep throwing all our food in the water.
HHoyt
What do you think you're going to catch?
Lyme disease.
[a river monster rams and topples the boat and its occupants]
CSCrow, Servo, and Joel
[singing] Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!
CCrow
Disney's Jungle Cruise claims another five souls.
Drinking age, 21. Life expectancy, 16. So unfair.
[as Arik beckons for the orphans to keep quiet as they approach a dragon]
SAServo [as Arik/Elmer Fudd]
Be vewy vewy qwuiet. We don't have a permit to film here. Huhuhuh.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.