Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

[when an armed guard does nothing in regards to a nearby fight] Really low AI on the NPCs in this game.

I'm speaking to him in a dialect he can't refuse to understand!

Esperanto.

The truth!

Is East Eddie the bad guy???

And you talk to me in English!

Servo

That's why American tourists are beloved the world over.

I guess we hosts have to stick together.

Actually, historically we hosts have never stuck together. Kind of a host-eat-host world.

Oh really? 'Cause maybe working together you'd have been able to escape. I mean, how'd you do 20 of these experiments and never try outsmarting the Mads? I mean, I hate to use strong language but... they seem kind of dumb.

Yes, yes yes yes yes, good point! Perhaps with the proper cooperation, this forced vacation can be brought to a cessation!

Huh? Why are you talking in rhymes all of a sudden?

I will tell you later why I speak in rhyme, but unfortunately now, you've got-

MOVIE SIGN!

Only hurt and destruction can come from the feelings within you. It is your destiny to mate with an outsider, not to love him.

Island Tinder.

[to Syrene] I don't love you.

Okay, Syrene, play it cool. Don't let him know he's hurt you...

She really runs like a mermaid.

Wait. Stop. Come back.

There is still another place.

Where the watermelons grow?

You've been holding out.

It's very deep.

Yeah, but it's got pearls in it, right?

According to the lore of my people, the Rizion Channel has hundreds upon hundreds of pearls.

Boring mythology, but okay.

You've seen them?

No, but others in my village have.

And the fish down there? Totally naked.

What are we waiting for?

You mean, "For what are we waiting?"

It's very dangerous.

Logan invented YOLO? Take that, Drake.

This movie is just a series of nice landscapes ruined by weird people.

To be fair, this movie makes me want to walk into the ocean, too.

I don't think some of these extras were prepared for how deep this was gonna get.

Servo

No one was.

Ariel's burial.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Fracties! The night where fractions come out to shine.

It's my honor to read the name of the student whom you have chosen as your next student body president. [is given an envelope] Envelope please, thank you. [gives it to the woman next to him]

I can't read.

And the winner is...

La La Land! Oh, not again...

Gage Dobson!

This is Gage Dobson's first win after being nominated for such daydreams as What If I Were a Robot With a Sword For an Arm? and Naked Book Report II.

Okay, and cue the bucket of pigs blood.

I'mma let you finish...

The problem on the board, how can we arrive at a sum?

BODY once told me the world is gonna Munchie!

Do you think you'll ever get this Jeep running?

This bucket of bolts? Of course I will! Then I'll have to think of something to do with these hands.

Don't, you'll go blind!

Hey, where are you gonna sleep tonight?

Pal, any place is an improvement over that box. Actually, I was sort of hoping I could bunk down with you.

Ew.

You're gonna have to make your own bed though.

Don't worry about me, Pal. Hammer, nails, I come prepared.

Pontius Pilate sends his regards.

Okay, let's go. Let's see what kind of grades this kid's got.

He just spelled "jkfghfgl."

[dazed] I... am gonna kill... you.

Once... I deal... with this brain hem...o...rrhage.

Violence is the answer!

Wasn't football gonna do that anyway? I mean...

You just got en-Gaged! No wait, that's not it... something with Gage.

Gage's understudies.

Alright, break it up. Head for class. Gage, we gotta talk!

You're guilty of manslaughter, bud!