Logan quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Why didn't you tell us then?

I don't know. I was trying to help.

Servo

[whining] I was just trying to help.

Help? You've jeopardized this whole project!

What the hell do you want from me, Dr. Brent?! I don't have a precision mind like yours!

I'm only a scientist!

Joel

[in disbelief] Unbelieveable...

Hello? [A pause] Yes?

I made that phone noise.

Oh, she can finally clean that fan.

Feast your eyes on this.

Servo

Anything to take our eyes off of that.

That's a Tuscarora!

No, that's a pearl.

It's worth a thousand pesos, maybe more. Where'd you get it?

From a wet scared guy.

Can you fence it?

Fence? Hell, it'll go like wildfire! These are rare, I haven't seen one in years.

There's a lot more where that came from.

Servo

I got a guy shoving sand into oysters as we speak.

I'll supply, you deal, we'll split down the middle.

Splitting it? That's almost like half!

[shaking East Eddie's hand] Put 'er there, pard!

You got it, 'ner!

Eddie, you got money, and I'm a diver. Now all we need's a boat and some good equipment. You can pick 'em up for a song. Just give me a small advance, I can have us moving in a couple of days.

Uh, is she washing him with a chicken cutlet?

Listen, I know where you're coming from, and the idea's out of sight, but I want Vic Mathias in on this. He's an expert diver, he has his own boat, and he knows the islands like the back of his hand.

It's no good, it won't work. If we bring him in, we've got to make it a three-way scene.

So we'll split it three ways!

Ugh, but we're a dynamic duo, not a terrific trio!

No, we don't need him!

I want him! He'll keep us honest.

What are we, crooks?

Eddie, believe me, I know the region better than Mathias. I lived on the islands for five years, I've covered every inch of 'em. We can do it alone! Just tell me where you found them. It's probably an island I used to live on.

[hysterical] You can't live on an island! It's surrounded by WATER! How would you even get there??? HA HA HA!!!

There is still another place.

Where the watermelons grow?

You've been holding out.

It's very deep.

Yeah, but it's got pearls in it, right?

According to the lore of my people, the Rizion Channel has hundreds upon hundreds of pearls.

Boring mythology, but okay.

You've seen them?

No, but others in my village have.

And the fish down there? Totally naked.

What are we waiting for?

You mean, "For what are we waiting?"

It's very dangerous.

Logan invented YOLO? Take that, Drake.