EElliot
This is the most important thing I've ever asked anyone in my life.
CACrow [as Elliot]
Can you get me out of this movie?
S13Munchie
Gage, you should never ask for anything unless you really want it.
GGage
I know.
CCrow
Is that what the puppet team said to the concept artist for this movie?
CCathy
[interrupting the party] Gaaage!
Garfield!
Dennis!
CCrow
Malcolm!
ALLLVIIIN!!!
It's comforting to see Munchie in a body bag.
[as the faces of the characters show during the closing credits]
Cathy was sentenced to twelve years in prison for fraudulent catering charges on Elliot's missing credit card.
CCrow
Elliot died on the prison farm and was vivisected by the other inmates. No charges have been filed.
Professor Crookshank was arrested for hijacking and held indefinitely in Guantanamo Bay. He does not expect a trial.
[as Gage is shown]
Hang on, main character, but fourth billed? Ouch.
S13Doctor Mordrid
[during a long panning shot of Mordrid's room during the title sequence] I think the camera operator might just be lost.
[during an establishing shot of Rio de Janiro and the Christ the Redeemer statue]
CCrow
For God so loved the world thiiis much.
KKabal
[pouring out a thick liquid onto the ground] Beyond the barrier of heaven and earth, let it go free into a closed dwelling. May it cause it to enter.
The world has never seen such evil caramel.
KKabal
Primum materialis...
G2GPC 2
Lorem ipsum!
KKabal
Release this blood of the earth. May it find its place with the philosopher's stone.
Emily Now in America, that's sorcerer's stone.
SHSamantha Hunt
Oh listen, I was curious about-
[Mordrid uses his medallion to freeze time and vanish]
Doctor Mordrid, sorcerer supreme, uses his incredible powers to escape awkward small talk.
[Mordrid opens a chest and begins browsing through scrolls]
Servo [as Mordrid] Let's see, Dead Sea Scrolls, exalted scrolls, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, yes!
[Samantha tries to open Mordrid's door, only to be burned by the doorknob]
One does not simply walk into Mordrid's.
SSamantha
[as she looks over Mordrid's collection of books] These volumes are amazing.
SAServo [as Mordrid]
THANKS! I LIKE "LOUD" THE BEST!
[during an interrogation]
MMordrid
I have to tell you something.
EAEmily [as Mordrid]
I'm pregnant.
MMordrid
Show you something, so that you'll comprehend the magnitude of why I cannot be held here any longer.
SAServo [as Mordrid]
Through the medium of dance.
SSamantha
Everything we say is being recorded.
EAEmily [as Samantha]
We're live on Twitch. Thanks to Donkey Dan for the three month sub.
AAdrian
Oh look dude, the master protects me from your puny weapons! You ain't got- [Gaudio shoots him in the leg]
EAEmily [as Adrian]
My jelly pants!
AAdrian
IT HURTS!
GGaudio
Call him an ambulance.
CACrow [as police officer]
You're an ambulance, sir.
CCrow
I can't believe Doctor Mordrid was a Christmas movie the whole time!
Well, okay, but it wasn't though.
But there was a Christmas tree in it.
Well a Christmas tree doesn't make it a Christmas movie. 101 Dalmatians has a Christmas tree in it.
CCrow
Well, what if it takes place on Christmas, and has a Christmas tree in it?
Like Die Hard.
Okay, it doesn't matter. Look at the release date. Die Hard came out July 15th, 1988. It's a summer blockbuster, not a Christmas movie.
How do you know when Die Hard came out?
I have this discussion a lot.
CCrow
So if it came out at any point other than the Christmas season, it's not a Christmas movie?
That's right.
What about Nightmare Before Christmas?
Well, released October 13th, obviously a Halloween movie.
CCrow
Elf?
Well, released November 7th, an early Thanksgiving parable about found families and sugar consumption.
It's a Wonderful Life?
While, actually released on January 7th, it's a New Year's morality play about the evils of forgetfulness.
So according to Newton's third law of motion, any movie that comes out in the Christmas season is a Christmas movie?
Me and Newton are on the same page there.
CCrow
Then Titanic is a Christmas movie!
Yep. And I'll die on this hill, and if the hill comes out in late December, I'll call it a Christmas hill.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.