Pearl Forrester quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Do you want me to oscillate, Ma'am?

We've rounded up a number of suspects.

…including Kevin Spacey.

I'm certain some of them are spies for the Order.

What of the map?

No word. It seems…

…chilly in here. Could you turn down your guy?

Oh, Frank, I thought you were dead!

I am dead. [pause] I was in Second Banana Heaven for a while, but it is so political up there. Pat Buttram had it in for me right from the start. So, then I was an angel for a while, and then I got into big trouble for appearing to people as Della Reese. Scared the hell out of them. So, they transferred me to Soultaker.

This twisted tornado-wracked pile of stem was a microwave radio relay tower...

Now, it's garbage.

A link in our nation's complex telephone network. Minutes after the tower was felled by a tornado, service was restored by switching calls to alternate routes of the network, but a temporary tower must be erected, and quickly.

Before it kills again.

[adjusting a signal] Take it to the left.

Take it back now, y'all.

Left. Left a little more.

My- My left!

Easy... Whoa! He's right on frequency!

I'm gonna take this energy home and satisfy my wife for a change.

Television programs, telephone calls, and data are going through. This one was for practice...

And gosh darn was it fun!

... for crews like this, the big task is keeping the nation's communications flowing.

Wait, this was practice? Jeff died today!

The very idea of lead in glass seems contradictory. Nonetheless, this goblet of lead crystal was made in England by George Ravenscroft back in the year 1675.

He died in 1676.

Lead glass today protects against penetrating X-rays.

And that pervert, Superman.

I've been asked to introduce this film, because I really am the advisor to a junior high bike club, and I really do teach traffic safety education full-time.

Prove it!

So I see the safety education problem from both viewpoints.

I'm conflicted.

Bicycles and autos can safely share the same road...

This bloody century long war must end!

... must know and follow the same rules of the road, accept the same driving responsibility, and respect each other's rights. That's what this film is all about.

That, and corn shucking.

Jim, can you guarantee me you're not gonna ride this bike at night?

I can't even guarantee you I won't sell this for cigarettes.

During a left turn at rush hour, he takes to the sidewalk, riding if it's legal, pushing if it's not.

Ditching it if it cramps his style.

Jim, our new member is going to recite, what are the rules of the road?

Kill, or be killed.

To maintain a safe and orderly flow of traffic on our roads.

Why should you follow the rules of the road?

Because if I don't, I can't expect anybody else to.

Oh, you mean we always follow the rules of the road?

We try, but it isn't easy!

And when it's too hard, we give up!

Boy that Perkins is really hot, huh? Eh, mom? MOTHER! Uh you're here-

Where's Frank?

Uh, Frank is not here, mother.

Not here, Clayton? Oh good one, Clayton, I come all this way to s- Say... [fixes her hair] Jack has never looked better.

Happy Thanksgiving, mother.

Yeah, sure.

Uh, you're just in time to see me take over the entire world, mom.

That's nice, dear. Say, who's the red-hooved one down there at the end? The cloven one, it is him! [pushes past Dr. Forrester]

Ah, you're here. Listen, I need you to snap-to. My mom's here and I promised to take over the world before pie is served. So uh... help me out, and I won't destroy you.

Mike

We'llllll think about it. Hey, it looks like you got a regular Playboy After Dark shindig going on there.

Yes, it's Frank. He invited them last April. Even in the afterlife, he mocks me.

So what is this, Star Trek: Voyager or something?

Oh no no, mother, this is my experiment. Remember when I shot a-

Art? Is that you?

Why Pearl, how good to see you!

Oh, Art, you rogue, it has been so long.

Ah, you're looking radiant, Pearl. Ten years younger since the scars were sanded off!

Oh, you charmer, you! So, you work with my spawn.

Yup. Pretty much run the place. [Servo clears his throat] Oh, these are the guys who work for me.