Mega-Synthia quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Oh, in the Driver trilogy, this falls between Baby and Taxi.

On your birthday, you get to teabag every bike in the shop.

I think one of those bike seats is my brother.

From now on, we're dumbing things down.

Yeah. Once people are dumb, they'll pay us to make them smart with our invention exchange, a new pharmaceutical we call, Algernon!

I don't know. Anything that has to do with messing with your brain chemistry can't be very safe.

Relax, ex-fiancé! No one can sue us if we mention all the terrible stuff our drug could do to you in the advertisement. Algernon...

Hi, I'm Synthia. As a clone I lacked basic intelligence, but that changed when I started taking Algernon.

Algernon...

Algernon is the only effective smartness drug on the market.

Grow your brain with Algernon, dumbasses!

[speaking rapidly] Side effects of Algernon include nausea, mouse friendship, and the 1969 Oscar for Best Actor. Algernon may kill you if taken when the sun is out or setting.

[rapidly speaking] Algernon should not be ingested even in jest. For more warnings, see our ad in Golf Magazine.

Algernon made me so smart, I realized it was dangerous, and I should stop taking it.

Algernon!

I've been asked to introduce this film, because I really am the advisor to a junior high bike club, and I really do teach traffic safety education full-time.

Prove it!

So I see the safety education problem from both viewpoints.

I'm conflicted.

Bicycles and autos can safely share the same road...

This bloody century long war must end!

... must know and follow the same rules of the road, accept the same driving responsibility, and respect each other's rights. That's what this film is all about.

That, and corn shucking.

Uh, we got a local yokel smokey in hot-pursuit of a hooligan, hot-doggin' it in Calhoun County.

May I see your operator's license today, sir?

License? Since when do I have to have a license to drive a bicycle?

Well it's not required that you have an operator's license, but I do need some form of identification.

My grandkids drew this, and wrote pop-pop on it. Does that work?

Jim, our new member is going to recite, what are the rules of the road?

Kill, or be killed.

To maintain a safe and orderly flow of traffic on our roads.

Why should you follow the rules of the road?

Because if I don't, I can't expect anybody else to.

Oh, you mean we always follow the rules of the road?

We try, but it isn't easy!

And when it's too hard, we give up!