“The Bicycle Driver” quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Oh, in the Driver trilogy, this falls between Baby and Taxi.

[as a group of kids leave a Driver's Education vehicle] Okay, this time you kids buy beer for me.

I've been asked to introduce this film, because I really am the advisor to a junior high bike club, and I really do teach traffic safety education full-time.

Prove it!

So I see the safety education problem from both viewpoints.

I'm conflicted.

Bicycles and autos can safely share the same road...

This bloody century long war must end!

... must know and follow the same rules of the road, accept the same driving responsibility, and respect each other's rights. That's what this film is all about.

That, and corn shucking.

Uh, we got a local yokel smokey in hot-pursuit of a hooligan, hot-doggin' it in Calhoun County.

May I see your operator's license today, sir?

License? Since when do I have to have a license to drive a bicycle?

Well it's not required that you have an operator's license, but I do need some form of identification.

My grandkids drew this, and wrote pop-pop on it. Does that work?

Jim, can you guarantee me you're not gonna ride this bike at night?

I can't even guarantee you I won't sell this for cigarettes.

On your birthday, you get to teabag every bike in the shop.

Hey Jim, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm just going over my hand signals.

During a left turn at rush hour, he takes to the sidewalk, riding if it's legal, pushing if it's not.

Ditching it if it cramps his style.

I think one of those bike seats is my brother.

Jim, our new member is going to recite, what are the rules of the road?

Kill, or be killed.

To maintain a safe and orderly flow of traffic on our roads.

Why should you follow the rules of the road?

Because if I don't, I can't expect anybody else to.

Oh, you mean we always follow the rules of the road?

We try, but it isn't easy!

And when it's too hard, we give up!