Gypsy quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[reacting to the alternate versions' of Frank and Forrester performing "Joey the Lemur"] THIS IS WORSE THAN I EVER IMAGINED HAVING MY WORST NIGHTMARE ABOUT!

Servo

This is horrible; there are no lemurs in this movie! [flees while he and Gypsy scream in horror]

[to Gypsy] We're giving you a shower!

[surprised] Huh!?

Servo

Oh look, she's surprised, isn't that just darling?

[flustered] Well, I'm not getting married and... am I pregnant!?

Oh Gypsy, every woman gets a shower and it's just so lovely!

Well, I'm pretty sure I'm a woman.

Open that one first, Mike, it's from me! Doesn't she look lovely?

Mike

It's... pinking shears!

Oh! Thank you, how very thoughtful, and lovely!

Servo

Oh, those are just darling, Crow! OK, this is from me...

Mike

And it is... pinking shears!

Oh! Oh!

Just like mine! How darling and lovely!

Servo

Well yeah, Gypsy! I saw that Crow got you the same thing, and that gave me the idea! [everyone laughs]

Mike

OK, this one is from Cambot, and it is pinking shears!

Oh! Better get pinking! [Gypsy laughs]

Mike

OK though, Tom and Crow went on one more...

Oh let me guess, let me guess... Pinking shears?

Mike

Nope...

Oh... .

Mike

Oh I guess it is! Pinking shears! [Gypsy laughs]

Well Tom saw them and I had to agree!

Servo

How lovely and darling!

Mike

We just got to find a way to stop Frank, but how?

Yeah, that's the sixty-four dollar question... wait! I've got an idea! A door-to-door search! Gypsy, can you give me a schematic of the whole city?

You want the suburbs too?

All the way to the sticks! I want to see barns and cows and roosters!

There goes my vacation!

Thanks, doll-face! [tries to kiss Gypsy]

Get out of here, you lug!

Servo

All right, all right, all right! Hold everything! Ha ha! Got the report back from the lab, and guess whose fingerprints are all over the ransom notes?

Mike

Uh, probably Frank's. He signed it.

Servo

Oh, that's right I guess...

Mike

This is a dead end, a blank wall, an empty check!

It's no piece of cake, that's for sure!

Mike

Wait!, Hold it Gypsy, say that again...

I said, "It is no piece of cake!"

Mike

Potato cakes! That's it!

Potato cakes?

Mike

Remind me to buy you a new hat next payday sweetheart! [hugs and kisses Gypsy]

Wow...!

[depressed sigh] You know, aside from the fact that I'll never again experience joy in my life, I don't think Red Zone Cuba had any kind of negative effect on me...

Mike

Yeah, even being Carol Channing didn't shield me from the effect of this one...

Servo

Well, hey! I know what we can do to cheer ourselves up! Let's sing us a bouncy, upbeat song! Okay!?

That's a great idea!

Mike

Okay!

Servo

Hit it, Cambot! [singing] Whenever I want to cry and bawl, Because I'm feeling sad, I think of ironing boards and drywall, And then I don't feel so bad!

Whenever I'm feeling down and blue And sorry for myself I get some staples and some glue And I'm happy as an elf!

Mike

[singing] Whenever I start to mope and pout And there's nothing left in my soul I check the toilet paper and if we're out I buy another roll!

[singing] Have you ever touched a Post-it Note? Have you ever looked at boots? Have you ever sat down in a chair? Have you ever used a paper clip?

[singing] So if you listen to our advice,

Servo

[singing] And you wanna feel terrific!

[singing] Do things that make you feel nice,

Mike

[singing] I wish we could be more specific!

Huh?... [sees the new wallpaper] OH, MY GOD! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! [Leaves]

Sometimes, a new look takes a little getting used to.

I don't have any lines.

But you get to wear slinky dresses and carry guns and stuff!

Not this sister! [Leaves]

Mike

Hey, Gypsy; what happened to the zucchini throw pillows?

[monotone] I have put them in a safe place; and now ypu should sleep. I have prepared warm milk to help you.

Servo

But I'm not tired.

All sentinent beings- however inferior- require sleep.

Mike

Gypsy, are you okay?

Of course I am, Mitchell Nelson.

Ladies and... Gypsy! Michael Nelson IS... LORD OF THE DANCE!

Oh!... did the other one die?

I dunno...

Wait, there's a chance that Florence could survive that fall.

Unfortunately, there's so much alcohol in her body, she's basically a human explosive.

Yup. There she goes.

Servo

Even the fire smells like gin.

Major Bradbury to Communication Bridge. Major Bradbury to Communication Bridge.

Your Hot Pocket is ready.

I think I know what's going on. Come on out.

Who are you talking to?

Come on out of there, Icho!

Wait, his name is Icho, and he makes people itch? Glad his name isn't Poo-O.

Okay, Gypsy...

Oh this is it, the big one's hitting! [freaking out] Gypsy, initiate panic mode!

[dropping down] Guys, settle down, it's not even a convincing earthquake scene! Looks like your weird uncle's train set!

Pretty big step for a radar glitch. Do you have anymore information you wanna tell me?

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time, sir.

Mornin', Mike!

Mike

[exhausted] Oh, morning, Gypsy! What have you got for me? [drinks water from the human-scale sized hamster water feeding canister nozzle]

Oxygen-nitrogen mixes within required standards. We are currently at low-orbit over Southern Madagascar, and that wonderful smell, there's a lamb roast I have in the oven.

Mike

[taking the towel from Gypsy and dries his sweat off from his face] And sweet yams?

Affirmative! Oh, and I compiled today's weather service reports! [Mike and Gypsy stroll over to the main desk] Here's a hard-copy! [gives a hard-copy version of the satellite's daily newspaper to Mike, which whom he starts reading] The Cubs lost again.

Servo

[comes out of one of the desk's pothole hatches] Dum-da-dum-dum-dum.... oh, why, hello Mike! Everything working fine on the ol' Satellite of Love, today? Hm? No dangerous problems or horrible mishaps in sight? Hm?

Mike

No, Tom. Everything appears nominal.

Servo

Ah, nominal! Good! Good! So, I guess that means you're not worrying about what that rhythmic pounding might be?

Mike

[listens to the sound/noise] Yeah, what is that?

Servo

Yeah, what is that, hm? I'm a highly sophisicated robot, Mike, and I'm telling you, this is not something you should be hearing. Something's causing this, Mike. Hm? Now, let's think... I'm here, you're here, Gypsy's here....

Mike

Okay, Tom. Where's Crow?

Servo

Where's Crow? Huh. I'm not supposed to say anything, but I did see the little moron headed towards the basement with a pickaxe in his hand!

Mike

[Turning to Gypsy, alerted] Gypsy, go to Condition Yellow! We gotta stop him!

Roger! [familiar Commercial Sign alarm is active]

[singing It's a Long Way to Tipperary] It's a long way to tipperary... [*Thunk!*] To the sweetest girl I know...! [*Thunk!*] Goodbye to Noah Beery... [*Thunk!*] Hello Harold LLOOOOOOYD...! [*Thunk!*]

Mike

[O.S.] Crow!

Huh?

Mike

Crow, listen, you gotta stop!

Oh! Hi, Mike! I found a perfect spot! Once I break through this wall, we'll tunnel our way right back to Earth! [*Thunk!*]

Servo

[hovering down] Crow, you big dope! You can't tunnel through space!

Come, come, boys! We must confound Jerry at every turn! [*Thunk!*] [continues singing]

Mike

[quickly rushes to Crow] Crow, no! You'll breach the hull!

Mike

[quickly rushing to something to hang onto for dear life] WOAAAH! CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!

Woah, I didn't expect this!

Servo

Attaining.... Maximum RPM.... Adjust pitch and yaw thrusters..... Stabilize! There, that should do it— [gets sucked towards hole] WOOOAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Wow, this is confusing! Uh, Mike, you wanna hand me my calculations?

Thank you! Wow, look at that: "Breach Hull - All Die"! Even had it underlined! Hah!

Servo

[screaming] WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA-AH! OH! OH! I DON'T WANNA DIE! OHHH! MOMMY! MOMMY! AAAHHHHH! I LOVE YOU, MIIIIIIIKE! [*Sproing!*] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Mike

SERVO!

Mike

[impressed and satisfied] Attaboy, Servo!

I won't do that again!

Servo

Hey, I'm experiencing a sensation altogether new to me, and frankly... I LOVE IT!

Mike

Now, Crow, I told you: no more escape attempts.

Well believe me Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid, and... I went ahead anyway.

Mike

Now, here you go. [pulls Servo off the hole, replacing him wth Crow's helmet that he removed earlier]

Servo

[upsettingly] Aw, darn!

It's time! Dr. F is calling for you!