Crow Atlantic Rim? Could you be more Pacific?
AHAdmiral Hadley
Pretty big step for a radar glitch. Do you have anymore information you wanna tell me?
Bruce Willis was dead the whole time, sir.
LJLt. Jim
Damn, what time is it?
CCrow
Time is a social construct, SIR!
ADr. Adams
Who would take down an oil rig?
CCrow
Robert Mueller?
LJLt. Jim
It just disappeared from my sonar, I don't have anything here. Anybody else reading anything?
CCrow
[as Stone] Uh, Lincoln in the Bardo.
[as Admiral Hadley] Cash on Cash by Johnny Cash.
[as Dr. Margaret Adams] Danielle Steel.
CCrow
[as Lt. Wexler] I'm into podcasts.
[as Red battles a giant monster]
RRed
This thing's all over my ass, man! He's gonna tear me up!
CCrow
Excuse me?
LJLt. Jim
Hey, send someone in there, he's getting killed down there!
[as the camera shows different characters]
SAServo [as Hadley]
That thing's all over him.
CACrow [as Adams]
Tearing him up.
Jonah [as Wexler] Especially his ass.
[as Red is being put in the brig]
RRed
Easy!
CCrow
Yeezy? Kanye? I don't know what to call him anymore! Tell me what to call Kanye, please!
SAServo [as Red]
Oh, I think I found a way out. I'm gonna get outta here- [door is locked] Aww man...
RRed
Yo, there's people dying!
JAJonah [as Red]
And it's actually Berenstain Bears! Not Bernstein!!!
[in a scene with two bomber pilots]
I kinda just figured we'd get matching helmets, didn't you?
Joel Hodgson???
That day, eight brave soldiers evacuated Manhattan by word of mouth alone.
JAJonah [as Geise]
He's gonna hear about this! "@US Navy; my Admiral says 'cappish' instead of 'capiche'. LOL, eyepatch emoji," tweet.
GGeise
It's me.
CACrow [as Geise]
Ya boy.
GGeise
We're not getting no play here.
CACrow [as Geise]
It's a total sausage fest.
GGeise
The Admiral is going to lose New York one way or another.
CACrow [as Geise]
He's already misplaced Orlando.
GGeise
I think it's time we implement...
CACrow [as Geise]
Pause for effect.
GGeise
... the Trojan Horse.
CACrow [as Geise]
Bum, bum, bum!
GGeise
Yes sir.
CACrow [as Geise]
I love you. Uh- wai- Why is he always hanging up right when I'm about to say it?
[as the bots attack the monster]
CCrow
Guys, lets look at this from the monster's point of view. He's out of his element, an endangered species, probably just looking for food and suddenly, some robots attack him.
Yeah, if anything, he's a poor huddled mass just yearning to breath free.
We should be welcoming this new sea monster American, and the unique skills he brings with him.
Yeah
[At this point, the monster accidentally destroys the Statue of Liberty, causing Jonah and the bots to freak out]
CCrow
Aw, hell no!
Kill that monster! [in chorus with Servo and Crow] USA! USA! USA!
[the monster has been defeated by Red, and everyone is celebrating]
So now they go out for a well deserved night of celebration.
CCrow
Which ends with Red once again, in the brig. This time for urinating on the dog of a visiting diplomat.
Until another monster emerges for him to battle.
Which he does, leading to another victory, and another night of drinking.
CCrow
And he's back in the brig.
And the cycle of Red's life continues.
[camera pans to the burning remains of the giant robot]
And the movie ends as it began... as a garbage fire.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.