[Title card is shown.]
...could eat no...frost.
“Jack Frost” · Season 8
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (20), Tom Servo (15), Mike Nelson (14), Ivan (6), Nastenka (3), Stepmother (3), Gypsy (2), Pearl Forrester (1)
[Nastenka has to knit some socks before the sun rises.]
So, the first plot point involves knitting socks. I think we're in for quite a ride, guys!
[Russian names are on the screen.]
These names are all Russian for Alan Smithee.
[The sun rises. Nastenka runs to address the horizon.]
Have mercy, rosy-fingered Dawn! Have mercy on me, o rising golden Sun!
SAServo [as Sun]
And you are…?
Wait 'til I'm done knitting these stockings! Otherwise I'll be punished severely. Stepmother said she would tear off my braid.
MAMike [as Sun]
[beeps] This is the Sun. Your call is very important to us, but due to unusually high call volume…
[The sun obligingly reverses itself and sinks below the horizon.]
Oh, the world's thrown into chaos -- earthquakes, floods -- but that's fine; you knit your sock.
. . .
MAMike [as Mafia don]
Some day you'll return the favor...
[The camera pans to several different chickens calling.]
CCrow
This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast Chicken.
Man, Peter must be walkin' around denyin' everybody this morning.
[Ivan plays hide-and-seek with the gnomish Father Mushroom.]
Frodo gets drunk and screws with his neighbors.
. . .
CCrow
If Disappearing Elf Hide-and-seek were in the Olympics, Finland would be in great shape!
[The flowers Nastenka was watering quickly grow and resemble fiber-optic cables.]
CCrow
The KGB has her under surveillance!
[Father Mushroom disappears in a cloud of smoke.]
Whoa! [I] didn't think they had many landmines left in Narnia!
[The evil stepmother makes up her own daughter Marfushka to look like a Matryoshka doll.]
Nope! Not a princess.
She's got that healthy clown glow.
MMarfushka
Oh, no?
You are a queen!
In that you look like Freddie Mercury.
[The Hunchback Fairy has placed Ivan on a wooden server and is preparing to put him in her oven.]
IIvan
Look, Hunchback Fairy, I'm sorry!
FFairy
Are you afraid?
IIvan
Well, it's just that I've never been pushed into an oven, and it's the first time I've ever sat on a shovel!
MAMike [as Ivan]
...the flat part, anyway.
CCrow
So, the premise of this movie is that everyone is just nuttier than all get-out?
[Nastenka accidentally touches Grandfather Frost's sceptre]
FSFrost's Voice
Whoever touches my sceptre...will never wake up again.
CCrow
Yeah, well maybe it should be stored a little more safely!
[While Nastenka's stepparents are in their home, someone offscreen announces an arrival...]
RURandom Unknown Voice
Look who's here!
Thank you, Anonymous Voice!
. . .
[Marfushka returns to her home in a sled being pulled by pigs.]
CCrow
It's a three-pig open sleigh!
On Wilbur! On Gordy! On Babe!
[The scruffy bandits return to seize Ivan and Nastenka.]
It's…
It's…
CCrow
It's… a convention of Michael Palin imitators!
. . .
CCrow
It's the Seven Dwarves! Filthy, Rotting, Lousey, Skanky, Scabby, Septic and… Doc.
[Ivan snaps the Hunchback Fairy's broom over his knee]
HFHunchback Fairy
My broom! I'm a witch and I can't move without it!
Well, maybe you should have diversified more!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.