Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Mike

Enjoy this tribute to white, white bodies.

I need to get out of the sun to maintain my fishbelly-white complexion.

Will I see you tomorrow?

Uh, you have to ask the editor.

[monotone] No... not tomorrow.

I have a headache... tomorrow.

Servo

Ah, she's setting up for a séance.

They're going to invoke the spirit of the continuity man.

Dinner isn't white enough, honey.

I feel real free in that wild blue sky.

Cops can't touch me up there.

...Feels good, making like a bird, floating around up there.

Poopin' on people.

A stranger comes to town, touches nobody's life, and leaves.

Now I can do what I really want to! Which is, uh... I'm not sure. Heh. What color is my parachute?

Mmmm . . . I just love bacon so crisp and crunchy like this.

Mike

Yeah, evidently.

Honey, stop wolfing your food! No one's going to take it away from you.

Sorry, sweetie, but it's really your fault. You shouldn't make them so good.

Whatever happened to my pet Vietnamese potbellied pig?

There. Now I look like Mom.

Thank goodness for my electric dress!

Did he arrive? Man, he's positively frantic!

He runs around screaming!

And when he looks at me, I get . . . you know, squishy!

Well, that's nice, ma'am. I'm just trying to sell my magazines.

I thought, maybe . . . how'd you like to go dancing?

Dancing? Oh, Alex, how dreamy!

[begins whimpering and panting like an excited puppy]

Refuses to Press Charges!

Servo

Says: "ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou!"

Mike

Hundreds of Men Flock to Crime Scene!

Servo

So, Crow, before we go to the show, would you like to have Coke?

Uh sure, I'll have a root beer.

Servo

I said Coke.

I know, I'll have a root beer.

Servo

All I have is Coke.

Oh, then Forget it, I'll just use the bubbler.

Servo

Okay. Huh?

Oh, uh, by the way, what show are we seeing? I thought we were going to a movie.

Servo

We are.

And a show?

Servo

No!

Then why did you say we're going to a show?

Servo

Because we are!

What show?

Servo

Awakenings.

That's a movie!

Servo

I know! [sighs] Are you going to come with?

Come with what?

Servo

Me, Crow, me! Are you going to come with me?!

Yeah, but I'm a little low, could you borrow me some money?

Mike

Wait a minute, okay, I think that's enough. You know, there's a difference between regionalism and just plain stupidity.

But Mike, irregardless of that fact...

So what time's dinner?

Servo

Noon okay?

But that's lunch!

Servo

Lunch, dinner, same thing.

Servo

Oh, something's flashing over to the whatsit there.

Ooh, the blinker!

Ungodly coincidences of the Old West.

He dropped something. See what it is.

It's a plot device. It's very flimsy, so be careful.

[being restrained by Mike] I.... ORDER YOUUUU!!! LET ME GOOOO!!! You traitorous pigs! What's going on?! Where's my personal guard?! Ha ha ha, alright Mike, whatever your game is, I'll play it, mister.

Mike

Apparently, some sort of transposition has taken place.

Extremely interesting, Plankton- I have no idea why I said that.

Mike

Anyway, we gotta get him inside the theater. [begins to pull him offscreen]

I'll get his feet.

What is it that will buy you?! Power?! I can get that for you! Money?! Credits?! Name it! NAME IIIT!!!

Alright, Dave… why don't ya get outta the wig, and into your uniform?

Honey, just wait in the car until my tour of duty is done.

Do you know, flying a plane is like making love?

Uh, you have to pay?

Colonel Hunt speaking.

Good morning, Colonel Hunt! You're a hard man to find.

Sarah?

Who's this?

Well, it's a little difficult to introduce oneself over the phone...

I sell paneling.

I'm John Wikowski, father of one of the pilots that transferred to your command a couple of weeks ago.

[suddenly smiling] Oh yes, our Lieutenant Wikowski!

Servo

And his face springs into action!

I do know you by reputation, of course, Congressman. Pleasure to speak with you in person. But I believe your boy is up on a training mission right now, or I'd have him talk to you.

Oh, I merely wanted to introduce myself to you...

Perhaps dinner...

We have a bit in common, you see...

My brother George...

You remember flying in the ETO together, 20 years ago?

Quite a lot of us pilots were in the ETO together at that time, sir.

Yes, I suppose so.

Servo

[to Mike, mishearing] They were in BTO?

Mike

I guess...