Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Sproioioioing! Bd-d-d-d-d-d...

Servo

It's the new Air Force Goofy Bomb, from Wham-O!

Mike

Yeah, go ahead and laugh; there's a kitty in that bomb.

It landed on Pig-Pen!

You asked for more refueling, and we're giving it to you!

Mike

Yes! I'm at a loss, now we've done promiscuity entendres?

Servo

Check.

Uh, cuddling in the afterglow?

Servo

Check.

Mike

Uh, multiple partner allusions?

Servo

Got it.

Uh, premature ejeculation innuendo?

Servo

Yup.

Mike

Gas station jokes.

Servo

Been there.

Impotence.

Servo

Oh yeah.

Mike

Uh, one-night stand stuff?

Mike

[disappointed] Okay, let's just watch then.

Servo

Well, fueling is a beautiful natural thing that's nothing to mock.

Mike

Okay, you're right.

Servo

[singing to the score] Youuu and I, refueled by moonlight! Fuel, like sparkling champaaagne!

Mike

I don't know where you end and I begin!

No man, no! You can't cut me off, just 4000 more pounds then I'll quit! I'm so cold...

Servo

Oh, a junkie joke.

Why can't a woman be more like a man?

Mike

In the '50s, people responded well to authoritative disembodied voices.

The fun never stops when you're clean and tidy!

[to Gypsy] We're giving you a shower!

[surprised] Huh!?

Servo

Oh look, she's surprised, isn't that just darling?

[flustered] Well, I'm not getting married and... am I pregnant!?

Oh Gypsy, every woman gets a shower and it's just so lovely!

Well, I'm pretty sure I'm a woman.

Open that one first, Mike, it's from me! Doesn't she look lovely?

Mike

It's... pinking shears!

Oh! Thank you, how very thoughtful, and lovely!

Servo

Oh, those are just darling, Crow! OK, this is from me...

Mike

And it is... pinking shears!

Oh! Oh!

Just like mine! How darling and lovely!

Servo

Well yeah, Gypsy! I saw that Crow got you the same thing, and that gave me the idea! [everyone laughs]

Mike

OK, this one is from Cambot, and it is pinking shears!

Oh! Better get pinking! [Gypsy laughs]

Mike

OK though, Tom and Crow went on one more...

Oh let me guess, let me guess... Pinking shears?

Mike

Nope...

Oh... .

Mike

Oh I guess it is! Pinking shears! [Gypsy laughs]

Well Tom saw them and I had to agree!

Servo

How lovely and darling!

Well, if Frank goes through with his plan, that means no more mad scientists!

Servo

Which means no more evil experiments!

Mike

Which means no more Deep 13!

Which means no way can we ever, ever get down to Earth!

Servo

Which eventually means no more Satellite of Love!

Mike

Which means no more... [they finally realize what would happen and faint from shock]

...We've got to help Dr. Forrester save Deep 13!

Mike

We just got to find a way to stop Frank, but how?

Yeah, that's the sixty-four dollar question... wait! I've got an idea! A door-to-door search! Gypsy, can you give me a schematic of the whole city?

You want the suburbs too?

All the way to the sticks! I want to see barns and cows and roosters!

There goes my vacation!

Thanks, doll-face! [tries to kiss Gypsy]

Get out of here, you lug!

Servo

All right, all right, all right! Hold everything! Ha ha! Got the report back from the lab, and guess whose fingerprints are all over the ransom notes?

Mike

Uh, probably Frank's. He signed it.

Servo

Oh, that's right I guess...

Mike

This is a dead end, a blank wall, an empty check!

It's no piece of cake, that's for sure!

Mike

Wait!, Hold it Gypsy, say that again...

I said, "It is no piece of cake!"

Mike

Potato cakes! That's it!

Potato cakes?

Mike

Remind me to buy you a new hat next payday sweetheart! [hugs and kisses Gypsy]

Wow...!

Mike

Carl Stalling's in his house!

Hey, something good!

Servo

All right!

Oh, that's right, I rented the spare room to Elmer Fudd.

When you two first met, there was probably an early physical reaction...

Oh yeah!

...A romantic attraction that pulled you together, a love appeal that hits you sort of...boing!

You saw my boing?

How did you know?

Well, it happened to me. It happens to some degree to most couples who become happily married. But it takes more than just "boing".

Sometimes there's a "shplurt"!

For you see, if you're too far apart psychologically…

…if one of you is cuckoo…

…if your backgrounds are not similar enough, it can cause a great deal of argument and unhappiness, until…

It's gone!

Where'd it go?!

We're gonna die!

That's what you'll be saying about your romantic love, if these other things cause a breakup.

BUT WHERE'S THE RUBBER BAND?!

Do we have similar backgrounds?

Do we have any priors?

Do we agree on our religious beliefs...

I worship Cthulhu!

...and have the same feelings about... religion in general?

You know, God and stuff.

Do we have the same ideals... and standards... and tastes?

So give to me your leather, take from me my lace.

[distantly, as if in a flashback, while Servo and Mike mimick gunfire and explosions] MARINES, WE ARE LEAVING!

Sorry, back in Da Nang there for a minute.

Is there a midway nearby?

Mike

Hey, it's that one woman in the front row making all the noise!

Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to settle down.

It might just be the wine, Lars, but you're a pretty man...

Sven, no! You mustn't!

Crows! My brethren! See what a grand and noble creature they are?

Servo

[doubtfully] Uh huh...

It is as though in a vision... I see my mother!

Mom!

Say a young woman goes down there and berates the way he does business...?

Say I'm starring in Forever Plaid!