Harry quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000 ... TV Quotes Database

[Harry pulls his hugely coiffed wife Beth out of the malfunctioning plane.]

HHarry

What happened?

MAMike [as Beth]

I saw my hair in the mirror and I panicked!

[Beth looks on as Harry [played by Tony Cardoza] straps on a parachute in what appears to be the middle of a desert field.]

MAMike [as Beth]

Uh, I think you'll need the plane, too, Tony.

HHarry

Bob, you ready?

BBob

[off-camera] Sure, Harry!

[Cut to a parachuted man making his way out from the back of a deep hangar.]

Servo

Wait! He- he- he was there, and now we g-- the plane was--!

Mike

[sputters unintelligibly]

CCrow

Someone with attention deficit disorder edited this film.

. . .

[A helmeted Harry climbs into the unmarked, unnumbered white plane.]

CCrow

What's the point of a helmet in skydiving? In case you land on your head?

Mike

Generic Plane. Cheaper than other planes.

. . .

[Poofy-haired Beth watches Harry take off.]

CCrow

Honey, even if a hairstyle is "in," it may not be the right one for you...

S6 The Skydivers

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[Harry carries Suzy, wearing a hooded white beach robe and opaque sunglasses, from her boat to her boat-like convertible.]

Mike

Enjoy this tribute to white, white bodies.

. . .

SAServo [as Suzy]

I need to get out of the sun to maintain my fishbelly-white complexion.

SSuzy

Will I see you tomorrow?

MAMike [as Harry]

Uh, you have to ask the editor.

HHarry

[monotone] No... not tomorrow.

CACrow [as Harry]

I have a headache... tomorrow.

S6 The Skydivers

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HHarry

And Frankie, if I ever catch you around here again, I'll break both your legs.

MAMike [as Frankie]

What if I don't bring 'em with me?

S6 The Skydivers

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[While the characters are planning to rob the local prison's evidence room, Mike and the Bots discover Buz is supposed to be a teenager despite the fact that the actor who plays him is clearly pushing 40.]

HHarry

I'll need someone to come with me. Um, the boy'll do. [Points to Buz.]

Mike

Boy?!

. . .

LLeo

Excuse me, Mr. Blatz, while I have a talk with this bright young man. [Pulls Buz aside.]

Servo

I don't know why they think he's so young, the guy's in his forties!

. . .

CACrow [as Buz]

Wow, a young kid like me, breaking into crime!

. . .

[Professional lockpicker Harry Blatz and Buz have just finished burglarizing the police evidence locker.]

HHarry

I won't mind seein' you go, because I know that there's now only one way to keep me from getting my share.

[Buz attacks Harry from behind.]

MAMike [as Harry]

Yep, that's the way, you figured out how to do it! Beatin' in my skull with a tire iron! Oop, there's my brains on the floor!

. . .

MAMike [as Buz]

Yes, my plan is perfect. I've been spotted by several people and I killed a guy!

Servo

Well, what do you expect, he's only a child!

S10 Girl in Gold Boots

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Harry quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

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