[Sonny Chow's coffin is being exhumed]
Lieutenant, you realize that if Sonny Chow is alive, he's killed at least two people.
Lt. Randall DisherYeah?
You'd have to arrest him.
Lt. Randall Disher
I'd get to meet him.
He might even try to kill you.
Lt. Randall Disher
You think so? Wow, that would be so cool! Sonny Chow!
[Cuts to the gravediggers lifting the coffin out of the ground]
Captain. How are you feeling?
I'm a nervous wreck. How'd things go with the Zen master?
Well he said Sonny Chow died in his arms. I believe him.
Good. Well at least the press hasn't gotten wind of this, 'cause once they do, it's gonna be like Christmas morning for those vultures.
[examining the monument] Look at that thing!
Lt. Randall Disher
Yeah. His fan club in the Phillippines paid for that!
[to the gravediggers] Be--be careful with that! You wanna be careful with that! [One gravedigger, Chris Downey, turns to Monk]
I said you might wanna be careful with that.
Come on, I've been doing this job since I was eighteen years old! I think I know what I'm doing. I don't come down to your station house and, tell you how to beat a confession out of some kid. [Stottlemeyer eyes and appears to recognize Downey]
You're Chris Downey. [incredulously] They let you out?
I did my time. Now I'm doing my job, at least I'm trying to. [swallows some pills from a bottle]
[to Monk and Natalie] I busted this low-life for assault and armed robbery.
Got me on the assault. There was no robbery.
Right. We never recovered the jewels you stole-
Allegedly stole, allegedly. I love that word.
[Monk and Natalie are waiting for Sonny Chow's coffin to be opened; Monk is examining pickle jars containing preserved organs]
Mr. Monk, this was not in my job description. Let's get out of here.
Oh I'm okay. What a beautiful pancreas. [Stottlemeyer, Disher, and a doctor come in]
OK, here we go. [They open the lid of the coffin]
[covers her eyes] Oh, my God...
DDoctor
We're so sorry to disturb you.
[They take a part of the corpse, and examine it under a microscope]
Well, you're the expert. Is it him or not?
Lt. Randall Disher
It's hard to say. I mean, Sonny had a lot more hair... and skin.
DDoctor
We'll know soon enough. It'll take two minutes to compare these with his old dental records.
[Three police cars intercept Chris Downey's pickup truck as he drives out of the cemetery]
Turn off the motor! Throw your keys out the window! [Downey complies]
Lt. Randall Disher
[advancing on Downey, his gun drawn] Show me your hands, Downey! Show me your hands! Get out of the car! Get out of the car! [Downey slowly opens his door just as Natalie runs up. Stottlemeyer gets her out of the crossfire]
Natalie, stay back! Stay back! [He forces Downey onto the hood of his truck] Where's Monk?! What did you do with him?
Relax, Captain. He's still alive, for now.
Where is he? What did you do with him? We can save both of your lives.
If you wanna find your friend, I want something too: I want a car to the airport. [produces a small bag from his uniform pocket] I'm already packed. I want a jet that can fly 2,000 miles without refuelling. When I'm in the air, I'll tell you, A) Where I'm going, and B) where you can dig up... [stammers] Di-Dig. Y-you can dig. [immediately has a heart attack and collapses to the ground]
Oh my God, I think he's had a heart attack! [They start to perform CPR on him]
Lt. Randall Disher
He's got no pulse.
[Monk has been buried alive.]
I want that backhoe ready and running! Keep it running! [to the search party] All right, listen up! We figure he's got about forty minutes of air if he's not panicking... figure on fifteen minutes. This is Monk, I want the best you've got! So we're gonna spread out and we're gonna work the grid, all right! We're looking for fresh dirt, tire tracks, footprints, anything! Let's go-go!
Lt. Randall Disher
Captain! There's a problem; the cemetery's just expanded. They just tore down a restaurant over there. It's all dug up, like, an acre and a half. Monk could be anywhere.
Captain, it's already been 20 minutes. Even if we find him, he'll be a basket case!
[Disher has shown up at Kathy Willowby's cabin, having been lured here by Chinese hitmen]
Lieutenant, this was handmade. See the edge? It was cut with scissors.
Randy, did you just drive up here?
Lt. Randall Disher
Yeah, so? [Stottlemeyer looks outside and sees that he is in the center of a sniper's rifle scope]
[The hit men open fire, and Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer, Disher, Deputy Coby and Kathy Willowby take cover]
DPDeputy Paul Coby
Where are they?
Captain Stottlemeyer:' There's at least two! One behind the canoes!
DPDeputy Paul Coby
Who the hell are they?
Hit men from San Francisco!
THEY'RE HERE TO KILL MONK!
[As the two hit men continue to fire on the cabin, Monk puts Kathy's radio on the table, and notices scorch marks with the shape of an electric cord that run from the electric outlet to the bathtub, while Randy examines his fortunes]
MDMonk and Disher
[simultaneously] Oh my God, I've got it! Here's what happened! [Monk and Disher start giving their summations simultaneously (Monk about how Kathy Willowby killed her husband Martin and made it look like an accident, and Randy about his girlfriend's relationship), with the camera jumping back and forth between each summation. Randy is shown in a bar when Hayley "accidentally" spills her drink on his lap]
Lt. Randall Disher
We met by accident! I can see it now. God I'm such an idiot! [switches to Kathy electrocuting Martin in the bathtub]
...She dropped the radio into the tub while he was bathing. She needed it to look like an act of God to collect the extra insurance, but... [switches to Randy's fortunes being prepared separately in the kitchen]
Lt. Randall Disher
...Maybe I believed them because I wanted to believe them. All of those fortunes were printed in advance just for me! [switches to Kathy pouring ice over Martin's body]
She had to preserve the body until the storm came!
That's why she bought all those bags of ice.
[flashbacks end]
DCDeputy Coby
My head is spinning. Which one are you listening to?
Neither one. [A bullet shatters one of the vases behind them]
Lt. Randall Disher
All they had to do was send me a fake IRS check!
[at the same time] She froze the body so that the coroner would never be able to determine the right time of death! [A flashback showing a Chinese driver in the garbage truck that nearly ran Randy down is played]
Lt. Randall Disher
The first fortune predicted that I would be save by a dirty death, which is exactly what happened when I left the restaurant. [switches to Kathy putting Martin's body in the boat and creating fake scorch marks]
Last night during the storm, she put her husband in the boat, then cut it loose, waited a few hours, and then reported it as an accident.
Lt. Randall Disher
Now I have to go back and arrest my girlfriend for conspiracy and attempted murder. She probably broke up with me.
[Outside, Agent Grooms crawls behind one of the canoes and pops up, taking the hit man in front of him by surprise]
FBI! Freeze! [He shoots and kills the first thug. The other thug comes over, preparing to shoot Grooms (who is checking the first goon), but Stottlemeyer is ready to take out the second goon]
Grooms! [He shoots and kills the second goon] A little vacation, huh? [Grooms scorches daggers at Stottlemeyer. Inside the cabin, a shaken Kathy stands up]
DPDeputy Paul Coby
Not for you. I'm gonna order a full autopsy on Martin's body; they'll know if it was lightning or electrocution. [He leads her house of the house while Monk, Natalie and Randy get up]
Lt. Randall Disher
[to Monk and Natalie] So what the hell happened here?
She electrocuted her husband!
Lt. Randall Disher
Well, looks like we've all had a pretty full day: you guys solved a homicide, and I led those two hit men into our trap.
(After hearing a car)
[Stottlemeyer and Disher fill Monk and Natalie in on the finger]
We just got your call. You found a body?
Not quite. There is a two year old boy named Tommy Graser-
Lt. Randall Disher
Uh, not two years. 22 months. Not quite two.
Whatever. Anyway, he was, um, separated from his mother-
Lt. Randall Disher
No, uh, his guardian. She's not actually his mother. She, uh, runs a foster home. For the record.
For the record, stand over there. [Randy walks a short distance away] Anyway, he was in the playground, and he disappeared for about ten minutes-
Lt. Randall Disher
Uh 14 minutes. [Under Stottlemeyer's watchful glare, Randy takes a few steps back]
When we found him, the little boy had a severed human finger.
A pinkie. It was still bleeding, freshly severed, uh, probably about four hours ago.
Lt. Randall Disher
Yeah about four hours ago.
[Monk, Natalie, Stottlemeyer and Disher are at the crime lab examining the finger]
FTForensic Technician
Are you ready?
FTForensic Technician
It is a left pinkie, belonging to a male Caucasian, about 25 years old. So far, there's no match on the fingerprint. The digit was severed earlier today, we figure around 8:00 AM, with some kind of gardening instrument, like pruning shears.
[disgusted] He cut up a whole body with pruning shears?
Lt. Randall Disher
Nope, maybe they just cut off the fingers, that way when they dump the body later, there'll be no prints.
[Monk uses a set of tongs to grab the finger and holds it parallel to his left hand]
FTForensic Technician
That's true, we think he might have played guitar. [Monk holds the finger at an angle to approximate where a guitar-player would place it]
No, not guitar. It's at the wrong angle: he played the violin. [finds some sticky stuff on the finger] There's some residue. It's sticky.
Lt. Randall Disher
Tree sap. Lumberjack. Missing nine-fingered lumberjack. [starts writing in his notepad]
Lt. Randall Disher
Should I put a list together?
Absolutely! Make sure you don't run out of paper.
FTForensic Technician
It's not tree sap. We already ran it; the main component is abietic acid.
Abietic acid? It's violin rosin.
I think that's pretty expensive rosin. It's for professionals.
So, professional - or at least, very serious - violinist, 25 years of age, who is missing.
[Stottlemeyer is unsure that Marty Eels has become a great detective overnight, so he and the others question Marty at his office]
So Captain, am I on the case, or what?
Listen, I need to ask you a couple of questions.
Where were you yesterday morning at eight o'clock?
You mean when the robbery was happening? Why? Because you can't keep up with me on a crime scene?
[pouring them coffee] I was at the hospital. Saint Andrew's. They thought I had a concussion.
Lt. Randall Disher
What happened?
Well, it's kind of embarrassing. I got hit very hard by a client--hit me very hard. Yeah. I--I was supposed to follow his wife and take pictures. [hands them a file with photos of a terrified man and woman in bed]
Whoa! She was cheating on him.
No, no. That's him. That's my client.
[incredulously] You burst in and took a picture of a man in bed with his own wife?
Yes I did. I made a mistake. I'm human! So the bottom line is that I was at the hospital when the jewelry thing was happening. You can call them.
Why is it so hard for you to believe that I'm this good?
Because, Marty, you were never this good before. In fact you sort of sucked.
[Stottlemeyer and Disher talk to a cashier who saw the shooting]
[holding the police sketch of the suspect] You've never seen this guy before? In the store, hanging around the parking lot?
YCYoung Cashier
I don't think so, but I see a lot of faces.
Lt. Randall Disher
It looks like Kiefer Sutherland.
[pausing] Yeah, I guess it does. [Disher scoots his chair over]
Lt. Randall Disher
It wasn't Kiefer Sutherland, was it?
[producing the killer's reciept] Here's a receipt. This is from your cash register. This is him, right?
YCYoung Cashier
Yes, sir. Eight candy bars.
Lt. Randall Disher
It really looks like Kiefer Sutherland. You know, maybe we should - before we distribute it - write across the bottom "Not Kiefer Sutherland," just so that we don't disturb Mr. Sutherland.
[sarcastically] That's a really good idea.
Lt. Randall Disher
You think so?
[Natalie, wearing a black dress and sunglasses, approaches Randy, who is standing with one foot on a rock, his elbow on his knee, and his head on his fist, gazing off over the water]
Lt. Randall Disher
Standing. This is how I stand. What are you wearing?
Clothes. This is how I dress.
Lt. Randall Disher
This is how I stand.
Monk · 667 quotes
