I've never seen the snow. Is it beautiful?
Oh, yes. It's beautiful. You know, no two snowflakes are alike... and it's still beautiful.
“Mr. Monk and the Secret Santa” · Season 4, Episode 9
In this episode: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer (7), Adrian Monk (4), Lt. Randall Disher (1), Julie Teeger (1)
[Terry is putting up a "MERRY CHRISTMAS" banner, which is slightly askew]
Terry, hey! That's not straight. The left side is too low.
TCDetective Terry Chasen
It's good enough.
No, it's not. Adrian Monk is coming.
TCDetective Terry Chasen
Ah, hell. Okay.
You looking forward to our little party, Alice?
CACpl. Alice Westergren
Uh, I guess so. How long do these things usually last?
Last year, Karen and I left at about 2:30 AM and Terry - Detective Chasen - was still standing on a table in his boxer shorts singing "Help Me, Rhonda" in Spanish.
TCDetective Terry Chasen
That's a lie! I don't speak Spanish!
Oh yes, you do!
CACpl. Alice Westergren
Oh, and this came for you. Someone dropped this off at the front desk. [hands Stottlemeyer the bottle of port]
[reads the card attached to the bottle] "Captain Leland Stottlemeyer." [opens it] "Captain Stottlemeyer, thank you for your business. Eastwood Auto Supply." [turns to Alice] You know what this is, Alice? This is a bribe. Somebody is trying to influence public policy, and I think it might work.
[Disher is tuning up Stottlemeyer's guitar]
I used to have a rock band back in high school. The Randy Disher Project.
That's a good name. How'd you come up with that?
Well, my name's Randy... Disher, and then... Project.
[after Monk gives him an air purifier] Do you um, know what eBay is?
eBay? No.
Good.
[the SFPD has come to arrest Frank Prager, who is hiding in a church]
SHSister Heather
Captain Stottlemeyer, I'm Sister Heather.
Hi, sister. You know why I'm here, right?
SHSister Heather
Yes. He's here; he's in the sanctuary. He's very frightened. You think he tried to murder you?
Yes, ma'am, I do.
SHSister Heather
You obviously have very strong feelings about this.
You're godda- Yes, I do.
SHSister Heather
I just want to make sure that Brad isn't mistreated.
Brad's not his name.
SHSister Heather
You're right, I don't know his real name, but I know the man. He's been working in our outreach program. He's been feeding the hungry and the homeless every night. When they're too tired to come here, he brings food to them.
Maybe he has a guilty conscience.
SHSister Heather
Well, any conscience at all is a rare thing these days. What do you want, Captain?
I want justice.
SHSister Heather
Well, he's afraid that you want something else. He's afraid you and the other policemen want...
Revenge.
SHSister Heather
My father once taught me an important lesson: "There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness."
Your father?
SHSister Heather
He's your father, too.
[Stottlemeyer takes Monk to the parking lot where Prager tried to kill him]
Four months ago, it was a Tuesday night, I came out of a bar, around 2:30. [flashback to Stottlemeyer leaving that bar] They took my keys, so I'm walking home. [flashback ends] There was-there was a big black van here, he was waiting behind it. [points to a space occupied by a vintage car] Must've been parked here all night. [In flashback, Prager steps out from behind the van] He steps out. I'm standing right about where you are now. I knew who it was right away: it was Frank Prager, and he wanted me dead. I could see it in his eyes. [Stottlemeyer, in flashback, sees Prager's cold vengeful glare. Suddenly Prager brings up a gun and fires five shots at Stottlemeyer, but Stottlemeyer ducks behind a car, but by the time he brings up his S&W gun, Prager has vanished] He aims a Glock 17 at my head, caps off five rounds. And then he just disappeared. Until last night.
And they just left the bullet holes?
Well it's probably good for business at this place. It adds to the mystique.
[Monk and Stottlemeyer have viewed the scene where Frank Prager fired at Stottlemeyer]
Maybe he's home for Christmas.
Monk, I can't go near the place! The um, the wife filed a complaint against me. Said I had been harassing her.
Why would she say that?
Uhhh, probably because I'd been harassing her. [points his finger at Monk] She's never seen you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monk pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.