Sharona Fleming quotes from Monk

For... what?

GGreeter

Speedy Dates. We do it here once a month.

Sharona Fleming

Oh, yeah yeah yeah. I-I read an article about this. It's for singles. Instead of spending all night with one jerk, you get to meet 15 jerks at once.

GGreeter

Yeah, that's not exactly how we would describe it.

S2 E6 Mr. Monk Goes to the Theater

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Sharona Fleming

So, how'd the dating go?

Oh, it was terrible! Thank God I'm not single!

Sharona Fleming

You are single.

Oh, yeah.

S2 E6 Mr. Monk Goes to the Theater

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[Monk is trying to use Sharona to reenact the crime scene, but Sharona is getting confused by Monk's directions]

You... you enter from the right...

Sharona Fleming

You mean the left. That's stage left.

But it's on the right.

Sharona Fleming

But it's stage left. That's what they call it.

[She shrugs at Monk's confusion.]

Sharona Fleming

My sister's an actress!

But- but- for the purposes of this recreation, let's just call it what they call it on Planet Earth.

Sharona Fleming

[sardonically] Like you would know.

S2 E6 Mr. Monk Goes to the Theater

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Sharona Fleming

Is that a new tie?

It's a gift from my girlfriend.

Sharona Fleming

She has very good taste. In ties, not in men.

Ooh -- do I detect a hint of jealousy?

Sharona Fleming

If you do, it's the only detecting you've ever done.

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[The four convene at Amanda Babbage's house]

Adrian Monk, old buddy, old pal, old chum.

Sharona Fleming

“Old buddy”? What have you done with the real Captain Stottlemeyer?

What do we have?

Mail bomb. An ounce and a half of plastique with a magnesium charge.

There were two triggers: a chemical detonator wired to the wrapping, and a motion detector--so when you opened it and moved it, "boom".

Not hard to make.

Crude and unpredictable, actually.

Who's the victim?

Amanda Babbage, thirty-five years old. She lived here alone.

Nice house.

It was a lot nicer two hours ago.

[notices the ATF agents] The Feds are here?

Yes, up the wazoo -- Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. They're in charge, and they're not shy about saying so. Monk, if you can make me look good here, I would really appreciate it. I'd love to show these bastards up. Wouldn't hurt our careers either.

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[Monk has inspected the knots Ricky has used to tie down his surfboard]

Okeydokey.

Who's Marion?

You are. Marion the Librarian.

So, it's like a put-down.

Yup. It's a derogatory remark, Monk. What do you see?

[on Ricky] Oh, he's not the guy. He definitely knew his sister lived here. He was at a barbecue here two weeks ago.

But the package was mailed to the old address.

Right, and he said he tied the surfboard to the room himself. Look at these knots. They're a mess. Crude, tangled, but the knot we saw inside on the bomb, was a work of art.

So the feds--

Are barking up the wrong tree. You said there was another brother.

Yeah, Brian, but he's a dead end.

Or practically dead.

Sharona Fleming

What do you mean?

The guy's in a coma.

We saw it happen. Four months ago, he got t-boned by a pickup truck. Cracked his skull. It was really unnecessary. The guy just baited me and Randy and--and stepped on the gas.

It was my first car chase.

That didn't count. The guy didn't go half a block. You didn't get the car in gear!

It counted.

It wasn't a chase, Randy.

We ran to the car.

Anyway, uh…four months ago. So, he wouldn't have known that his sister had moved.

[to Sharona] It counted.

I'd like to meet him.

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[Agent Grooms kicks Stottlemeyer out of the interrogation room]

I just got kicked out of my own interrogation room.

You want some coffee, sir?

No, Randy. What I want is for that A.T.F. CREEP to eat crow!

Well, we know who did it, and we know why. We just don't know how.

Monk, again, he's in a coma.

He's the guy.

In twenty seconds, Agent Grooms is gonna come walking through that door, and he's gonna ask me what I think. Give me something else, for the love of God.

Okay, wait. I have an idea. Maybe he had an accomplice.

Yes, somebody else mailed the damn thing. Why not?

Sharona Fleming

I already had that idea. Tell him.

There was no accomplice. Why would Brian Babbage hire one? He didn't know he was gonna be in a coma.

Sharona Fleming

It's not exactly something you can plan.

All right. Anyway, why would an accomplice bother to go through with it? There was no reason to. The guy who hired him was in a coma.

All right, so... Brian built the bomb, and then Brian mailed the bomb, by himself.

That's right.

While he was in a coma.

[admiringly] You gotta admit -- it's a pretty good alibi. It's rock solid!

Monk, I have known 15,000 criminals in my lifetime. Here's what they all have in common: THEY'RE CONSCIOUS!

Nonetheless.

Stottlemeyer

Is your shrink coming back soon?

[Agent Grooms comes out of the interrogation room, having finished questioning Ricky Babbage]

Captain. Sorry about in there, I, uh, work better one on one.

All right. So, how's it look?

He's bending not breaking. I'll get him. About to write up my case report, uh, I'm gonna list him as my primary. I'll need you to sign off on that. Right? Be easier to get an indictment if we're all on the same page.

I'm thinking… [glances at Monk] Maybe it's the other brother.

Well, there's only one other brother, and... he's in a coma.

That's the one. I think, uh, I think we should look into him.

[Stottlemeyer takes another glance at Monk, who is showing support]

He's a vegetable, Captain.

I know.

Don't you think that eliminates him as a suspect? I mean, I'm just…curious. How do you think he did it?

We're still working on that.

Yeah. Well, good luck with that, Captain. Uh, keep me informed.

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[Monk looks at one of Brian Babbage's magazines]

He was looking for a lawyer.

Sharona Fleming

That's no surprise. He was suing his whole family.

No, no, no. These are criminal lawyers. Look at the name he circled: “Scott Butterworth”.

Sharona Fleming

I know that name.

"Suspended twice." He was a hack. Brian Babbage could afford any attorney in town. Why would…why would anyone want to hire a bad lawyer?

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Sharona Fleming

Why can't you be happy for me?

I am happy for you. This is me, being happy for you. I was just telling Brian how happy you seem.

Sharona Fleming

Who's Brian?

Brian Babbage.

Sharona Fleming

The coma guy? He woke up?

No.

Sharona Fleming

But you were talking to him.

He's a good listener.

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[Monk and Sharona have narrowly survived a bomb blast]

Okay, they pieced together enough of the package to get a postmark. It was mailed from Pacific Heights three days ago.

Different post office, same type of explosive.

[yelling] Well, don't use that bathroom, it's a mess!

Sharona Fleming

You don't have to shout!

[still yelling] Why are you whispering?!

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[Monk tries to find an article in a Sapphire nude magazine, but after seeing its other contents, he looks away, humming nervously]

DLDiane Luden

Are you a religious man, Mr. Monk?

Sharona Fleming

He is now.

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That assistant, she called you.

Sharona Fleming

Mm-hmm. Diane Luden.

Yeah, I gave her your name. I figured you'd collect a nice payday after you convinced her she was crazy.

Actually, I think she might be on to something.

Sharona Fleming

We'd like to look at the official file.

Look, there is no D'Souza case. It was an accident. The barbell slipped, crushed his trachea.

He was alone in his apartment on the thirty-fifth floor.

I know.

There was only one way up. It was a private elevator. Nobody else used it.

I know.

The apartment was locked from the inside.

I know.

Sharona Fleming

Are you gonna be cooperating on this or not?

If you two wanna go tilting at windmills, be my guests. But this time, Monk, you're on your own.

Okay, forget it. Let's go. What's our first stop?

Sharona Fleming

Sapphire Mansion. We have an appointment. [This gets Randy's attention]

Sapphire Mansion? You have an appointment?

Yes. Elliot D'Souza controlled that magazine. He was about to pull the plug on Dexter Larsen. I think Larsen might be involved.

Saphhire Mansion. I've never been. Have you ever been?

Once. Ten years ago.

Sharona Fleming

Did your wife find out?

Yeah, I told her. In therapy, we were playing the honesty game.

Red Roof Inn?

Yup. This was before they built the new lobby.

You know, Captain. I think Monk might be on to something. Maybe we should tag along.

Lieutenant, I think you might be right.

Sharona Fleming

Oh, God.

Hey, I'm married. I'm not dead.

Sharona Fleming

Ugh.

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[Monk is observing Dexter Larsen's room]

That's strange. Why would he need a mirror on the ceiling?

Sharona Fleming

Try not to think about that now.

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Dexter Larsen

[about his life before publishing Sapphire] I was a nerd, publishing my little electronics magazine. I was the kind of guy a woman like you would never talk to.

Sharona Fleming

You still are.

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[Monk and Sharona go to Noelle Winters' apartment]

NWNoelle Winters

Hello.

Noelle. Do you remember me?

NWNoelle Winters

Oh, yeah. From the party. Uh, Mr. Monk.