[first lines]
Dwayne, don't yank my chain.
DDwayne
Look, I told you, I haven't seen him.
He's your cousin, he's your best friend.
DDwayne
Yeah, and I don't know where he is!
Dwayne, do I look like an idiot to you?
DDwayne
Yeah, you sort of do. [Stottlemeyer raises an eyebrow]
Oh, that's a mistake... you don't want to make him angry. I made him angry once, and you don't want to do that... [Brian Babbage drives up, and repeatedly rams his car into Stottlemeyer's vehicle. As soon as he pulls up ahead of the hood of the car, he lowers the window and says]
BBBrian Babbage
Hey, cop! Kiss my ass! [Brian gives them the finger, then floors on the gas pedal]
[to his suspect] Don't move! [Dwayne takes off as Stottlemeyer and Disher jump into their car and prepare to chase Brian]
Can I be honest with you, sir? [Stottlemeyer activates the dashboard light and grabs his radio]
[into radio] All units, clear the air, we're in pursuit of a hit-and-run. He's eastbound on Union.
[excited] This is my first car chase! I've been waiting for this my whole life! [A pickup truck immediately T-bones Brian's car and sends it crashing into another vehicle. Stottlemeyer nonchalantly unbuckles his seatbelt and turns off the dashboard light]
Chase over. What'd you think? [Randy looks at the wreckage, dumbstruck]
[The four convene at Amanda Babbage's house]
Adrian Monk, old buddy, old pal, old chum.
“Old buddy”? What have you done with the real Captain Stottlemeyer?
Mail bomb. An ounce and a half of plastique with a magnesium charge.
There were two triggers: a chemical detonator wired to the wrapping, and a motion detector--so when you opened it and moved it, "boom".
Crude and unpredictable, actually.
Amanda Babbage, thirty-five years old. She lived here alone.
It was a lot nicer two hours ago.
[notices the ATF agents] The Feds are here?
Yes, up the wazoo -- Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. They're in charge, and they're not shy about saying so. Monk, if you can make me look good here, I would really appreciate it. I'd love to show these bastards up. Wouldn't hurt our careers either.
[Monk has inspected the knots Ricky has used to tie down his surfboard]
You are. Marion the Librarian.
So, it's like a put-down.
Yup. It's a derogatory remark, Monk. What do you see?
[on Ricky] Oh, he's not the guy. He definitely knew his sister lived here. He was at a barbecue here two weeks ago.
But the package was mailed to the old address.
Right, and he said he tied the surfboard to the room himself. Look at these knots. They're a mess. Crude, tangled, but the knot we saw inside on the bomb, was a work of art.
Are barking up the wrong tree. You said there was another brother.
Yeah, Brian, but he's a dead end.
We saw it happen. Four months ago, he got t-boned by a pickup truck. Cracked his skull. It was really unnecessary. The guy just baited me and Randy and--and stepped on the gas.
It was my first car chase.
That didn't count. The guy didn't go half a block. You didn't get the car in gear!
It wasn't a chase, Randy.
Anyway, uh…four months ago. So, he wouldn't have known that his sister had moved.
[Agent Grooms kicks Stottlemeyer out of the interrogation room]
I just got kicked out of my own interrogation room.
You want some coffee, sir?
No, Randy. What I want is for that A.T.F. CREEP to eat crow!
Well, we know who did it, and we know why. We just don't know how.
Monk, again, he's in a coma.
In twenty seconds, Agent Grooms is gonna come walking through that door, and he's gonna ask me what I think. Give me something else, for the love of God.
Okay, wait. I have an idea. Maybe he had an accomplice.
Yes, somebody else mailed the damn thing. Why not?
I already had that idea. Tell him.
There was no accomplice. Why would Brian Babbage hire one? He didn't know he was gonna be in a coma.
It's not exactly something you can plan.
All right. Anyway, why would an accomplice bother to go through with it? There was no reason to. The guy who hired him was in a coma.
All right, so... Brian built the bomb, and then Brian mailed the bomb, by himself.
[admiringly] You gotta admit -- it's a pretty good alibi. It's rock solid!
Monk, I have known 15,000 criminals in my lifetime. Here's what they all have in common: THEY'RE CONSCIOUS!
Is your shrink coming back soon?
[Agent Grooms comes out of the interrogation room, having finished questioning Ricky Babbage]
Captain. Sorry about in there, I, uh, work better one on one.
All right. So, how's it look?
He's bending not breaking. I'll get him. About to write up my case report, uh, I'm gonna list him as my primary. I'll need you to sign off on that. Right? Be easier to get an indictment if we're all on the same page.
I'm thinking… [glances at Monk] Maybe it's the other brother.
Well, there's only one other brother, and... he's in a coma.
That's the one. I think, uh, I think we should look into him.
[Stottlemeyer takes another glance at Monk, who is showing support]
He's a vegetable, Captain.
Don't you think that eliminates him as a suspect? I mean, I'm just…curious. How do you think he did it?
We're still working on that.
Yeah. Well, good luck with that, Captain. Uh, keep me informed.
[Monk looks at one of Brian Babbage's magazines]
He was looking for a lawyer.
That's no surprise. He was suing his whole family.
No, no, no. These are criminal lawyers. Look at the name he circled: “Scott Butterworth”.
"Suspended twice." He was a hack. Brian Babbage could afford any attorney in town. Why would…why would anyone want to hire a bad lawyer?
[Monk and Sharona have narrowly survived a bomb blast]
Okay, they pieced together enough of the package to get a postmark. It was mailed from Pacific Heights three days ago.
Different post office, same type of explosive.
[yelling] Well, don't use that bathroom, it's a mess!
[still yelling] Why are you whispering?!
