[Dexter finds the police at his house; Stottlemeyer, Monk and Sharona are waiting for him in his dining room]
What the hell is going on? [Stottlemeyer gives him a search warrant]
Dexter Larsen, that's a warrant, duly sworn, authorizing us to search your house.
BBimbo
Dex, I tried to call you. They've been here an hour. They've been looking everywhere!
Looking... for proof that you killed Elliot D'Souza.
Mr. Monk, are you serious? [notices that his Carvasia is lying on the dining room table] My Carvasia. I told you not to touch that!
Sorry, I'll get it. [He starts to grab for it]
No! No! Don't touch it. I'll do it. It's very valuable. [He tries to pick it up off the table, but it doesn't budge; Sharona stares at Dexter oddly]
Sharona FlemingIs there a problem?
What's wrong? Pick it up. Can't weigh more than fifteen pounds.
All right. What did you do? Did you glue it down?
Excuse me, if I may. [He picks it up with ease] No, not glued. Your turn. [Dexter tries to pick it up again, but it is stuck to the table] We found it, Dexter.
Sharona Fleming
The magnet that you built. [Stottlemeyer moves aside a dining table chair, revealing that Randy is holding a large magnet to the underside of the table]
Randy, you can come out now, unless you're enjoying yourself down there. [Randy gets up, carrying the large magnet with him]
What's this supposed to be?
What, you don't recognize that? We found it in your workshop. It had fingerprints all over it. [to Monk] Go ahead.
[Monk and Sharona talk to handyman Ian Agnew about his lawsuit against the Babcocks]
IAIan Agnew
Oh, I don't mind. I don't get many visitors. So what can I do for you?
Mr. Agnew, we were wondering about your accident.
IAIan Agnew
Please, sit down. [he appears to have a rather sudden pained reaction, possibly from the pipe]
Sharona Fleming
[concerned] Ian, I used to be a nurse. Is there anything I can do?
IAIan Agnew
No, thank you. Comes and goes. It's the pipe. [points to the protruding piece of metal pipe] I have a piece of pipe in my head. [pauses] I don't get many visitors! Please sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!...
Sir, about your accident.
IAIan Agnew
Ah, the accident. I really don't remember much about it. We were building a cabana near the pool for the Babcocks. And I was working on the roof and there was a tile loose. And the next thing I knew, I woke up and I was a human smokestack. [laughs] I'll get it! [picks up the phone] Hello! Hello! Must be the wrong number. [to Monk and Sharona] HOW'S THAT COFFEE? [turns to an empty spot on the floor] BAD DOG!
[He turns back to Monk and Sharona]
IAIan Agnew
I haven't worked since.
Huh. How did you get the job?
IAIan Agnew
Mrs. Babcock hired me. Although by the time I had started, she wasn't there anymore. They split up, she ran off, I never got the full story. I dealt mostly with her husband, Stew. I'll get it. [He picks up the phone again, about to talk to another imaginary caller] You know, I just changed my phone number, and it doesn't seem to help. I don't get many visitors!
Sharona Fleming
Did you go to the trial?
Sharona Fleming
Did you spend any time with the jury?
IAIan Agnew
No, ma'am. I wish I had. I wanted to thank them, they were very generous. I don't get many visitors! [singing] Daisy, Daisy, tell me your answer true! [turns back to the empty spot on the floor] BAD DOG! [then back to Monk and Sharona]
IAIan Agnew
You know what I think I miss the most? [points to the pipe] Not having this pipe in my head. I have to take this. [picks up the phone again]
IAIan Agnew
Hello. Hello.
Sharona Fleming
[to Monk] I believe you're not the craziest man in the world.
IAIan Agnew
[talking to the imaginary caller] How did you get this number?
IAIan Agnew
Tell me who this is right now! [Monk and Sharona walk out] Well I don't believe that for a minute!
Sharona Fleming
[about Kenny Shale] You called him a weasel.
Sharona Fleming
Yeah, you did. Three weeks ago.
I never said "weasel." I said he was a... "woof." Oh, yeah, I said "weasel." I called him a weasel, but you see, that's not a bad thing. I had a weasel. A weasel is a noble animal, all right? It's a term of endearment. [to a passing cop] Jerry, hey, how are you doing, you weasel? Good to see you! [turns back to Sharona] See, I call everybody a weasel.
[Monk and Sharona have arrived at the toll plaza]
Handcuffed to one wrist and tied to seventy-feet of rope.
And then he was dragged west seven-tenths of a mile. I just saw the body. Or what’s left of it.
Sharona
Oh, God.
The M.E. said he’s never seen anything like it. There’s no end to it.
I mean, this is number nine. Nine bizarre murders in the past two weeks. Every time my beeper goes off, my heart skips a beat.
No. No connection at all. I mean, four have been men, five women, all different ages. Latino, white, black.
' All different. There’s been a couple of shootings, different weapons, a hit-and-run, a drowning, an electrocution. I mean, it’s, it’s like a full moon every night!
And you’re sure that the cases have absolutely nothing in common?
Well, they have one thing in common, Monk. We can’t solve them. I swear, there’s something in the water.
[Noticing that the officers have all gathered around Sharona] Hey! Hey, guys. What is this, a high school dance? Give the girl some room. Let her breathe. [Sharona comes over] Come here. I want to talk to you. I understand that you are seeing Kenny Shale.
Sharona
Oh, it’s nothing serious.
Yes, it is. I wanna tell you something, Sharona. Your life is about to change. Everybody you know is gonna want a piece of you. You’re not gonna know who to trust. Monk can’t help you with this, all right?
Sharona
Mmm-hmm.
He’s, he’s brilliant, but he’s Monk. He’s lost in Monkland.
Sharona
Mmm-hmm.
Now, I’ve been where you are. I’ve been in the spotlight. And, well here. I want you to take that. [Hands Sharona a card]
Sharona
What is it?
That’s my cell phone number, okay? You call me 24/7 if you need anything. Yeah, I just don’t want to see you get hurt.
Sharona
Oh, thanks a lot. Thanks.
Yeah. Oh, I was thinking, um, maybe we could get together, do a double date kind of thing. Me and Karen, you and Kenny? I’ve always liked Kenny. Kenny, he’s—he’s a good guy. He’s good people.
Sharona
You called him a weasel!
Sharona
Yeah, you did. Three weeks ago.
I never said "weasel." I said he was a... "woof." Oh, yeah, I said "weasel." I called him a weasel, but you see, that's not a bad thing. I had a weasel. A weasel is a noble animal, all right? It's a term of endearment. [To a passing cop] Jerry! Hey, how are you doing, you weasel? Good to see you! [Turns back to Sharona] See, I call everybody a weasel.
[Monk solves a murder in France, just by reading the newspaper]
Listen to this: this is "News from Around the World," Paris, France. There is an unsolved murder; a woman was found strangled, and both of her hands were cut off.
Sharona Fleming
Oh my God!
That happens all the time: no fingerprints. Makes it harder to ID the body.
Now here's the thing: they found the hands. They were a couple of meters away from the body in the grass.
The killer cut off both hands, but then left them near the body?
Yeah. She and her husband both worked as curators at the prison museum in the Bastille.
[cuts to a Paris police prefecture. A police lieutenant comes into his captain's office]
LLLieutenant Lafitte
[in French] Captain Dupres, there is a detective calling from America. He has solved the murder of Madame Beaudreau.
DCaptain Dupres
[in French] He solved it?
LLLieutenant Lafitte
[in French] By reading a newspaper, from 9,000 kilometers away! [Dupres sighs and picks up the phone]
DCaptain Dupres
Captain Dupres, Prefecture de Police. [cuts to Monk's apartment]
Bonjour. Je m'appelle Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. Je travaille avec le department de police de San Francisco. Uhhhh, parlez vous English? ["Hello, my name is Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. I work for the department of police of San Francisco. Do you speak English"]
DCaptain Dupres
I speak enough. What can I do for you?
Uh, hi, I've got a friend. His name is Adrian Monk.
[into the phone] Bonjour.
He has a theory about an unsolved case of yours. Here, I'll put him on. [hands the phone to Monk] He speaks English well enough. [Monk wipes down the phone, pressing several of the other buttons]
Yes, yse, hello. I think I know who killed Madame Beaudreau.
DCaptain Dupres
[skeptically] Oui, Monsieur Monk, what is your theory?
I think her husband did it.
DCaptain Dupres
Well, we suspected him from the beginning. But why did he cut off her hands?
He must have used a pair of handcuffs from the museum to restrain her.
DCaptain Dupres
I do not follow you.
They were antique handcuffs, very distinctive, so they could easily have been traced back to him.
DCaptain Dupres
Mon Dieu...
He must have lost the key. So he was desperate, he had to get them off the body.
DCaptain Dupres
Well, that makes sense! Lafitte, why didn't I think of that? Monsieur Monk, you are a genius! Perhaps someday, you will come to Paris so I can thank you in person.
[Monk and Sharona are at the Stop 'n Go]
BHBoz Harrelson
How 'bout a lottery ticket?
Sharona Fleming
Oh no. You just had a big winner. I never buy a ticket unless the jackpot's more than 10 million dollars.
[pretending to laugh] Yeah, 10 million dollars. I don't know how they can even call that a jackpot.
[Monk, Sharona, Stottlemeyer and Disher are at the scene of the store clerk's death]
The M.E. is saying two and a half, three hours. He worked as the night manager at the Stop 'n Go on Ridgedale.
Sharona Fleming
Oh my God, we were just there! That's where we bought the newspaper. [to Randy] Along with your letter in it to me.
His shift ended at 4:00 AM, he came here to make the night deposit. He got jumped by the killer, stabbed twice: once in the neck, once in the stomach, with that bottle. [Monk looks at the remains of the bottle that Vicki Salinas used as the murder weapon]
Negative. It's over by the ATM, facing the wrong way. It didn't see a thing. [Stottlemeyer turns to Monk]
Now what I can't get over, is that we haven't had a homicide in this neighborhood for over four years, all of a sudden we've got two: first your newspaper boy, killed for a newspaper, and now this robbery.
But the killer took the money.
The killer wants us to think robbery. But why wouldn't he do it in a more secluded spot? He could have killed him anywhere between here and the store.
Well maybe the killer just waited for him here by the bank.
No. No, the killer had to have followed the victim from the store. [points at the bottle] Cream soda bottle. You can't find that brand anywhere else.
Well how do you know the victim wasn't drinking it? He worked at the Stop 'n Go.
That's true. [Sharona examines the bottle]
Sharona Fleming
It's a woman. There's lipstick on the bottle. [Monk and Stottlemeyer squat and see some lipstick towards the bottom of the bottle]
She's stronger and smarter than you.
Sharona Fleming
[answers phone] Hello? No, I'm Sharona, his assistant. Who's this? Hold on, please. [to Monk] Adrian? You have a brother?
[Everyone looks up, surprised. Long pause.]
Sharona Fleming
[into phone] I'm sorry, sir, you must have the wrong Adrian Monk.
[She hangs up. Immediately, the phone starts ringing again.]
Wait, wait... I might have a brother.
Sharona Fleming
You told me you were an only child.
I consider myself an only child. We're not close! He has issues.
[raised eyebrow] Your brother has issues?
Don't you people have work to do?! There's a dead woman over there!
[To search van Ranken's house, Adrian and Sharona make a surprise visit]
Sharona Fleming
Hi, I'm Sharona Fleming and this is Adrian Monk.
PVPat van Ranken
[starts breathing heavier] Monk... from next door?
PVPat van Ranken
You almost gave me a heart attack! That guy hasn't left the house in, what, twenty years?
PVPat van Ranken
My wife knows him. Isn't he... scared of stuff?
Yes... he's scared of stuff. Stuff... and things.
He [van Ranken] was at the park all last night.
Sharona Fleming
Maybe to bury something.
Yes, he was parked by the southern entrance.
Sharona Fleming
How do you know that?
It's obvious. Why don't you tell her, Adrian?
The yellow acorns on his truck, which can only mean he was parked under a spotted oak tree...
Sharona Fleming
Wow.
Sharona Fleming
Wow.
Which means, he parked by the river, at the southern entrance.
Sharona Fleming
Wow!
Please stop staying "wow."
This detective stuff is easy.
Sharona Fleming
Looks like you got a new partner.
Yeah, for any crime committed within thirty feet of this property.
[Adrian and Sharona spy on van Ranken, rooting through the cherry pie]
He's looking for something. Sharona, that's why he tripped! He didn't want to win the race, he was trying to come in second, he wanted the pie!
Sharona Fleming
Why?
Well, obviously, he... [he trails off, and looks around the corner at van Ranken] You see, Sharona, what happened was... [he trails off again, and takes another look around the corner] I have no idea.
Monk · 667 quotes
