[Monk and Natalie are in Douglas Fendle's hotel room]
[To Natalie] You were right about karma. It is fantastic!
NatalieNo, Mr. Monk- [Captain Stottlemeyer enters the room]
Monk, Natalie, thanks for coming.
I was downstairs doing a little Dumpster diving. Can't find the murder weapon. There is a steak knife missing from that service tray. I guess he took it with him. So, whaddaya think? [Monk appears to be holding his breath] You okay? [Monk releases a stifled laugh] Are you happy?
I love my work. Is that a crime?
[Whispers to Stottlemeyer] I think they knew the guy.
Know what? What, you know this guy? [Gestures towards the body]
Natalie
[Overlapping Monk's words] No, [we] don't know him; never met him face to face.
Never formally introduced. Sort of.... [Natalie gestures to indicate "following" with her fingers] We've been following him.
Natalie
Yeah.
You were following him? I wonder why.
Well, he was seeing a woman, a married woman, and we were following her.
You were following the woman? I wonder why.
Natalie
Her husband hired us.
Until you hear different, I wonder why. Wh-what are you doing? You, you doing divorce work now?
Natalie
He was just doing a favor. He was an old friend of Mr. Monk's.
Wouldn't exactly say he was a friend. More of an acquaintance, actually. He beat me up every week for three years.
[Points an accusing finger at Monk] And that would explain the stupid grin you have on your face. You think you're getting even.
So, your pal - you told him about the affair, and you told him that Fendle was going to be here? [Monk makes a gesture that suggests "yes"] Well, I think your friend just made the top of my "To Do" List. What's his name? [Natalie steps in front of Monk]
Natalie
Actually we can't tell you that. Technically, he's a client so it's privilaged information. We could contact a lawyer or a third party... [Monk cuts her off]
Roderick Brody. 23 Orchard Circle. [Disher starts to write down a name and address in his book] No that "O" looks like an "A". B-R-O-D-Y. Roderick Brody.
Well let's go talk to him.
[They file out, and Monk whispers to Natalie]
[Natalie has found Monk in the park and Monk is trying to do a cartwheel]
You know how I feel? Liberated. I should've confronted that S-O you-know-what years ago! B. I still can't believe I won.
Natalie
You know, Mr. Monk, I don't think anyone really won anything.
You're right. Except me. I won big-time.
Natalie
Are you gonna start singing?
You know I almost could. You know what I am gonna do? I'm gonna do a cartwheel. [Calls out] I'm gonna do a cartwheel. You might want to step back. It's my first cartwheel. I'm gonna do it right here. [He puts wipes on the ground] What am I doing? A man's been killed, right? A man's been stabbed to death.
Natalie
Yeah, that's what I've been saying.
This is no time for cartwheels. [Starts to pick up his wipes] On the other hand, I have been waiting 40 years for this! I mean, this is a moment to savor, it might never happen again! I'm doing the cartwheel! [Puts them back on the ground] My God, it's ghoulish! One man dead, another going to jail. Am I a ghoul?
Natalie
No, Mr. Monk, you're not a ghoul!
Natalie
I don't know.
I don't care! The man is my archenemy! One cartwheel, I've gotta do it! [Tries again] I can't. Natalie, do the cartwheel!
Natalie
What?
Come on, it's a good compromise: cartwheel by proxy. And don't forget to say "Whee" while you're doing it. Gotta say "Whee"- [grabs Natalie by her right arm]
Natalie
Yeah, no, thank you.
[Monk stops, having been transfixed to a police officer's holstered gun]
Natalie
What is it? What happened?
[Last lines]
Don't you hear that? The toilet tank refilling? The toilet tank of life.
Natalie
Come on, Mr. Monk, I'll drive you home.
It's what Plato called, "the great cosmic swirly." There's no escaping it.
Natalie
Plato said that?
I'm paraphrasing. I think I'm gonna need that shower cap back.
Natalie
OK.
[At Kevin's funeral, Monk and Natalie are looking at a photo of Kevin]
Natalie
I took that picture.
Natalie
Took me two hours. I wanted to get one where he wasn't talking.
Natalie
Actually, I had to Photoshop it.
[Experimenting with one of Torini's knives, Monk checks to see if it's a real knife or not by using it on Natalie. She immediately yelps as soon as the blade contacts her]
Natalie
OW!
OK, this one might be real. Don't play with this one.
Natalie
All right, I won't.
[Monk notices something nearby]
What is that? [He walks over to the cabinet to examine it, and suddenly Torini's voice comes booming over the loudspeaker]
[Over the speakers] It's called a Zig Zag Cabinet. I designed it myself. [Monk starts to examine the Zig Zag Cabinet more closely] Please step away from the cabinet, Mr. Monk. Secrets of the trade, you know.
[Monk and Natalie spot a machine producing fog in the other room. Torini pops up behind them and clears his throat]
Natalie
How did you do that?
Misdirection, Ms. Teeger. The secret to every illusion - making the audience look where they shouldn't be looking. [Faces them] For example. [Conjures a coin out of thin air]
[Harold is trying to figure out the identity of Monk's new therapist]
I'm talking about your new therapist, the mystery doctor, the genius you're always raving about. Who is he? Just tell me his name.
I can't tell you. It's privileged information.
No, it's not. What happens in the session is privileged. His name isn't privileged. People recommend therapists everyday. Am I right, Natalie?
Natalie
I don't know. I'm just waiting for the conversation to be over.
Ok, fine. His name is doctor... Door.
Dr. Door? Is that the best you can do? I suppose if we were standing by that alarm you would've said "Dr. Bell".
[Natalie promptly spits water in Harold's face]
Natalie
Oh god, Harold! I'm so sorry!
[At the hotel the morning after Monk and Natalie see the UFO]
OWOxygen Women
Hi, is this the lobby?
Natalie
It's right over there.
OWOxygen Women
What's going on here, is there a loser convention in town?
Natalie
Oh, somebody saw a flying saucer.
OWOxygen Women
A flying saucer?
OWOxygen Women
The image I saw was a clearly Class IV Intergalactic Doomfreighter. Flying saucer? They're coming for the oxygen. [Pulls an oxygen mask out of her trunk and puts it on] Have the negotiations started yet?
Natalie
Oh, we haven't heard! [To Monk] I'm going to call the repair shop to see if the car is ready.
Yeah, dial fast, dial like the wind!
[The Sheriff's been shot]
SFSheriff Fletcher
One of us is going to have to go get help. The highway's about 15 miles that way.
All right, Natalie and I will go.
Natalie
Mr. Monk, we can't leave him, he's been shot.
' All right. Natalie and I will stay here.
Natalie
Mr. Monk, he can't walk.
Well, what do you suggest, Natalie? Do you have any ideas at all?
Natalie
Yeah, you get help, I stay here and take care of the sheriff.
Any ideas at all? Because if you do I'd really like to hear them.
[Monk and Natalie enter Stottlemeyer's office]
Natalie
Captain, do you have a minute? Mr. Monk would like to say something.
Natalie
Mr. Monk, you have to do it in person.
[Monk comes into the room]
Natalie
Show him the card. Go ahead, read it. [Monk pulls the card from his jacket]
"I was 'udderly' wrong." It's a cow. Udders. "I'm sorry if I upset you. Please give me another chance. I would hate for my careless gesture to spoil our fine romance." It's the only one they had.
Thank you, Monk. I realize how hard this must have been for you to have Natalie buy it for you.
Natalie
Okay, I bought it, but Mr. Monk paid for it. Or he will.
DCD.A. Charles Friedken
Now, did everyone review the grand jury transcripts and the follow-up reports?
Natalie
Mr. Friedken, don't worry. They can do this in their sleep.
In fact, on at least two occasions, Lieutenant Disher has.
Natalie
You're going to do great. You've seen his curveball.
I don't even know what that means. I can't believe I'm doing this again.
I'm proud of you, man. You're getting back on the horse.
Yeah, Monk, okay, a couple of suggestions. Just a thought, maybe work on not crying--I mean, not quite so much in front of the jury.
Okay, that's a good note.
Natalie
Yeah, also, you can think "mayday" all you want, but it's probably a mistake to yell the word "mayday" from the witness stand.
Natalie
Just a couple times.
More than a couple of times.
I'd better write these down.
Natalie
Right.
Natalie
No heavy, heavy, sweating.
Monk · 667 quotes
