A character in Misfits
Rudy One
Misfits · 556 quotes
8th most-quoted character in Misfits: in 88 of its 556 quotes
Most scenes with: Finn (49), Jess (38), Abbey (24)
Are you okay? I didn't... I didn't wanna do any damage down there.
That's good.
Yeah?
It's fine.
[Unveils himself from bedsides bed] Finlay!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?!
We've got major problems, mate.
Well, can't it wait?
No, it can't bleedin' wait! I've had to wait for you to ejaculate.
What more d'you want?
You get your shit together, right? Finlay!
[Walking out in hallway] What kind of rabbit?
I don't know what kind of fucking rabbit. They're all the same.
Well, actually they're not. Well, you've got the lop-eared, the American lop-eared, the French Angora...
Shut up, be quiet. It is a psycho rabbit and it is wearing a suit and it's got a golf club. That's all I know.
Right. Did it have a silky coat?
Just shut up! Shut up about the rabbit. That's all I know.
Right, okay. Did it have a silky coat?
[Slapping Finn's shoulders] Just shut up! Shut up about the rabbit! Seriously, man, be quiet! Fuck! We've gotta find the others!
Sorry.
All right. No... No, I'm gonna have to tool up. [slips keys off key ring as a weapon] Gonna have to... [chuckles] just gonna put 'em like that. See? Another one through there. Pshhew!
Ah!
[Strokes Finn's face with keys] Let's do it. [Walks away]
Hang on, I want one!
[Walks back] Attempts to slip off a key] Come... Come on, mate. Honest to God, do not have time for this sort of shenanigary, do we? If I could just get my finger under there, it wouldn't be so bad, but... I can't get it off, mate. [Walks away, repeatedly] You'll be all right... [Finn follows']
Fuck!
Hey. You're okay!
Why wouldn't I be?
You were kind of out of it. We... We found you out in the hallway.
Right. You the one that put me in the toilet?
Yeah, I- I... I felt bad just leaving you there like that.
Didn't touch me up or anything while you were moving me? Bit of the old side boob?
No. God, no. No.
Then why are my knickers on inside out?
[Slaps Finn's head] You...!
I- I- I didn't do anything. I didn't.
Tell that to the judge.
Oh, Finlay!
Oh, my God. I never... [splutters]
I'm joking. [She and Rudy One laugh] Hey!
No. No, th... Thanks a lot.
Anyway, I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Yeah. [Grabs Finn and pulls him away]
Have a good night.
Nice one. [To Alex] Hey, come on, drink up. We're goin'.
Why?
Because there's a giant white rabbit out there who's wearing a suit, he's got a golf club, and he's... goin' round killing people.
What rabbit?
What is wrong with you both? It's just a fucking rabbit! I told you!
Fuck me!
I told you he was out there.
Told me what?
The white rabbit. I said he was coming for us.
Richard, did you do this? Is this your rabbit, mate?
I haven't done any in a while. I didn't think it was gonna happen again.
Done what?
The storm. I dropped some acid and it got bad. It got really fucking bad.
[Leans into Richard] Mate, did you shit yourself? Dude, did you shit yourself? This hallucination... shat himself.
The white rabbit, it's become real!
Hang on a minute, so you've taken acid, there's now a giant white rabbit with a golf club and no-one's shat themselves, that's good.
We need to find Jess.
I thought she was with you.
She stormed off.
She... Well, we need to find her.
Oh, fuck!
[Jess is in hallway]
She's not in the bathroom.
Listen, she's bloody gone home. She'll be on the couch, all curled up, Maltesers, watching a film about boys.
Look, we need to find her.
You need to find her. This is your fault.
How's this my fault?
She was with you, then we come back and she's gone, so what happened?
Nothing happened.
Look, just stop. Me and Finn are gonna go and have a look at the funeral. Just ask around, man.
Fine, but if we're going out there, I want me own keys.
Really?! Fuck!
[Pushes elevator button] What the fuck's wrong with this thing?
Calm down, I'm sure she's okay.
I dunno, mate. She looked in a pretty bad way.
[All go in elevator] Hang... Hang on! Whoa, whoa. Just stop, hang on. Hang on. We don't even know where he's taken her, do we? [Nadine wipes off blood of basement floor button] Eh? Oh, she's in the fucking basement. Brilliant.
[Leaving elevator, to Nadine] Where you? Hey, whoa... You stay here, little lady. This is absolutely no place... man's work. It's dangerous. Right. Right, listen, right? Listen. [To Alex] You're gonna have to go down that way, we'll go down this way.
Why do I have to go on my own?
Because you're bigger than us.
[Whispers] Yes, he is bigger.
[Comes across Richard curled up on stairs] So, here he is. Richard Saunders, honestly, what a complete cock-sucker. I fuckin' hate people who can't handle their drugs. [Kicks Richard waking him]
Shit party, by the way.
Really shit.
And next time, buy some fucking nibbles. Mmm!
[Lounging on rooftop] I can't stop thinking about her. I'm never gonna see her again.
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
[Yeah, you're right. No. Ac... No, sorry, no. That's just... I think that's bullshit. I think that's just something people say when they can't think of anything else.
I shouldn't have done it. I was only trying to make her jealous and she didn't even notice.
Huh!
[Rubs forehead] When d'you think it'll come off?
Soon. [Chuckles] Soon... probably. [Rudy, Finn and Nadine all drink their beer cans simultaneously]
[Watching pregnancy exercise class in atrium of community centre from upper floor] No. Dude, no, I'm not feeling it. It's like I'm fucking numb. It's like I'm paralyzed from me cock down over here...
Ssh!
Listen, oi, you know me, usually I'd be all over that. This used to be me favourite bit. Look at 'em all, stretching out their fannies, all nice and wide with their big, swollen milky tits. You know, their vaginas, they have an expiry date, mate. You've got to get one last taste of that fruit before it goes off. Do you understand what I'm telling you? There's nothing worse than a mouldy piece of fruit. Especially peaches. But now, I'm not even interested, to be honest with you. I'll tell you why. Do you know why?
No.
Well, the girl from last night, Nadine, I can't get her out of me mind. What's it all about, really?
I think it means you really like her.
Fuck off!
We should get started.
Mm.
Right, now then. [Points to an unresponsive Abbey on locker room floor] Prime example about the whole Nadine thing, right? Passed-out girl on the floor, good-looking girl, normally I... would be thinking... [crouches over Abbey's face] balls on face. But nothing.
Balls on face?
Yeah. Dude, but not in a bloody creepy way, mate. In a... you know, like... 'Ey, dude... let's put our balls on each other's faces. For banter, though. Funny. [Abbey wakes up and drinks a sip from a beer can] Yes! Respect, straight back on it.
[Walks in] Who the fuck are you?
Abbey.
[To Finn] What's she doing here? Did you fuck her? Is that what happened?
No.
[Walks up to Finn and leans in] Did you fuck her in here? The smell of the sweat and the feel of the cold, hard tiles on your knees.
I didn't touch her.
Better not have. What's she doing?
She's on community service.
Well, n- no- one told me.
Yeah, well, I'm telling you now.
[Puts hand behind Finn's head] You're responsible for her. If she fucks up, you fuck up, and I'll fuck you up all the way to fuck.
How is that fair?
You can start by cleaning the shit out of the community centre. [Leans into Abbey] Have fun.
What's all that about?
That is our... that is our probation worker. He's bloody highly strung and he's very angry and I just think there's a lot of pain there, to be honest with you.
Well, good look with it all.
What are you doing? You heard what he said, he's going to fuck me up all the way to fuck. And... I don't even know what that means, but it's not good.
That's your problem.
Please just help us out for today. I- I'll sort something out, I'll get you out of it, I'll... I'll fake your death.
Where do I get a jumpsuit?
Ah, yes.
[Opens locker to jumpsuit] Yes, there.
Oh, hello! Do I detect the gentle flush of the female orgasm?
Fuck off.
So is that it then? You and Alex, are you together? Boyfriend and girlfriend?
Yeah, Finn. We swapped friendship bracelets and then we went to the cinema and he touched me up. [To Abbey] Are you on community service?
No. Just pretending.
I just... I don't understand whether I'm... whether I'm just, I'm thinking about her because, you know, I know I'm never going to see her again.
What, like, when you go to a vending machine and there's no prawn cocktail crisps? And then alls you want is a packet of prawn-
Prawn cocktail crisps. Exactly, exactly that, man. Exactly that! [Pause] Fuck, and now all I can think about is prawn cocktail crisps, knobhead. [Long pause] Yeah, no, I'm still on prawn cocktail. Fuck it, I'm going to have to go and get some prawn cocktail crisps.
[Snatches phone from Jess] Whoa! Post-op transgender genitalia, what! God, man, I always knew there was summat dodgy going on behind that sweet little face of yours. Not this shit, though, dude. Not chicks with dicks.
Give it to me.
Eh?
Give it back.
To be honest with you, you've gone up in my estimation somehow.
I'm not looking at them to get turned on.
Shit, what are you going to do? Are you going to get a dick put on?
Yeah. That's exactly what I'm doing, I'm going to get a dick put on.
Se- Se... for serious?
Well, I've always wanted a dick so I just thought, "What am I waiting for, "let's get a dick."
Fuckin' hell! Ohh... that's amazing. So what do they do? I mean, do you buy a dick or does someone donate you one?
You have to order them. You just tell them what colour you want, how long you want it and you go for a couple of fittings and they just stitch it on.
That's amazing. Isn't it?
Hmm-mm.
I'm going to be honest with you, though, the thought of you with your big floppy cock has kind of put me off my prawn cocktail crisps a bit!
[Takes bag from him] I'll have them. Bastard.
Anyone fancy a drink?
I'm in. Let's drink to forget, drown me bloody sorrows.
Just need a shit. I'll meet you down there.
Didn't think you'd come.
Why wouldn't I come? Oh, what, do you really think I'm that shallow?
Well, it must have been weird for you.
It's no big deal. All right, okay, it was a bit weird for both of us. I just know I don't wanna stop seeing you.
Look, I'm gonna take care of this, okay? It's not going to be like this for ever. I promise.
So, do I get some free drinks, then? Because if I'm not, what is the point in going out with a barman? [Scoffs]
I'd always thought I'd marry a girl called Nadine, man.
So, guess what happened to me. Oh, my God. I know. It's totally fucked. I went to the toilet and there was this girl and she had this power. Next thing, I'm pregnant, she's not. Tried to run after her, couldn't catch her. It's fucking heavy.
[Reaches over to touch her pregnancy bump] Can I... [Finn slaps Rudy's hand]
All the times I've shagged people and never got pregnant. I go for a quiet dump and then this happens.
Well, what are you gonna do?
Gonna find her and I'm gonna shove this baby right up her arse. [Laughs] Someone get me a vodka tonic. [Finn points to her abdomen] Whoa. You're kidding me. It... It's such bullshit. I'll have lemonade.
[Sits at bar besides Jess] Hey, listen. If you ev... [slips and comes up] If you ever need any advice on dicks, or dick maintenance... shit, you know where I am.
Great, I will definitely take you up on that.
Not a problem. For example, I have a pretty brutal grooming regime. Moisturize my balls twice a day, keeps the wrinkles at bay. Constant battle, though. [Chuckles]
Wow. Please, talk to me more about your balls.
You're being sarcastic, aren't you? Fuckin'... I'm pretty... Are you being sarcastic? I'm pretty... pretty sure you're being sarcastic. What does the sexy barman think about all this?
Eh? About what?
About the old switcheroo. Fuckin' sex change.
He... He doesn't know. He doesn't need to know.
What do you... What do you mean? You're just gonna bloody surp... [looks over shoulder and back at her, in softer tone] you're just gonna surprise him? "Oh, fuckin' happy birthday. I've got a friggin' cock"? That is... That's horrible That's disgraceful. I've never heard anything like it in my life. I'm gonna tell him.
Don't you fucking dare!
Quickly tell him. Dude?
He's got... He's got a fanny.
What? [Scoffs and stammers] He's got a what?
A vagina.
What the fuck!
Someone stole it from him. [Rudy snorts] They did a swap.
Can't believe it. Alex the barman.
He's got a mangina. If you tell anyone, I will fuck you up. Do you understand me?
Nathan YoungRobert Sheehan · 171 quotes
Curtis DonovanNathan Stewart-Jarrett · 126 quotes
FinnNathan McMullen · 109 quotes
Kelly BaileyLauren Socha · 103 quotes
Rudy WadeJoseph Gilgun · 101 quotes
Simon BellamyIwan Rheon · 101 quotes
Alisha DanielsAntonia Thomas · 94 quotes
JessKarla Crome · 87 quotes
AlexMatt Stokoe · 42 quotes
AbbeyNatasha O'Keeffe · 41 quotes
SethMatthew McNulty · 31 quotes
ShaunCraig Parkinson · 29 quotes
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