Rudy Wade quotes from Misfits

Rudy

[At Seth's door slot] Right, I need to speak to the... cool, mysterious... power guy. Is he... is he in?

Rudy

[At door of Clair's office] Er, just so you know, I've been having a bit of a think about us... Yeah, it's not gonna happen, right? I mean, listen, thanks for the hand job and the sex and all that. Brilliant. But you are... You're quite old and you cry... a lot, hm? Bye, then. [Walks away with Clair breaking into tears]

Rudy

Aha! Now, who's the big man with the bloody great big hammer? Eh? Is it you?

Rudy

[Spied on by Jess at a coffin freezer who has x-ray vision] Shut up! Stop making me out to be the bad guy! This is a situation entirely of your own making! Your bollocks are going to freeze into little hairy ice cubes unless you tell me where that case is.! I'm taking that as well! A Cornetto! No Cornetto for you, mate!

Rudy

Hey, how about that, then? That's quite a tale, that is. Took twists and turns, didn't it? New powers [Pointing at Finn]. A hint of sexual possibilities [Looking at Jess]. Tears, laughter, horribly graphic violence. Oh, mate, mutilated testicles! [Immorally laughs] Yes. Something for all the family.

Rudy

I deliberately pissed myself. [To Helen] You've just been killed by my weak infantile bladder.

[Walks onto tower block rooftop and sees Rudy 2 at edge] Oh... what the fuck... do you think you're doing?

You think you can get rid of me? I'm a part of you.

Cool power guy with the suits, he could've sorted all this bullshit out, but, oh no, you had to make a big drama, didn't you?

I'm not gonna let you bury me. I'm staying right here.

Oh, you're such a whiny little bitch!

You hate me, you hate yourself.

Nobody loves themselves more than I do. I'd fuck myself in a heartbeat, wouldn't I?

So we're back to the whole, "I'm gay", thing there, really, aren't we?

What you bringing that up for? I'm not gay.

D'you remember that time in PE, when you were in the showers and you got turned on watching Richard Saunders soaping his balls?

Oh, it's pathetic! It's sad.

You thought about it when you were screwing the fake vagina you made out of Mum's rubber gloves.

[Fighting clone] Ah...! Out of order, out of order.

You trying to fuck me?

I'm gonna fucking kill you!

I am you!

You're nothing to do with me! [They fall over edge merely landing on a lower rooftop]

Rudy! [Groans] That could've gone horribly wrong, that. You could have killed us.

Shut up whining.

Rudy

[Walks up to Shaun at vending machine] You're not gonna ask about me limp?

Shaun

No.

Rudy

No, of course not! 'Cause that would just be doing your job, wouldn't it? I'm not sure you're cut out to be a probation worker, mate.

Shaun

Is that right?

Rudy

Yeah.

Shaun

When you're finished with the careers advice, you can piss off and pick up some litter with [referring to Tanya and Charlie] those other two shitheads.

Rudy

Right. [Shaun emasculatingly pats him on cheek and walks away, to Tanya and Charlie] Before... all the accusations, recriminations start flying around, before harmony turns to discord and everyone starts shouting and jabbing their fingers at each other, right, I just want to say for the record, hand on heart, the other hand on a Bible, that it wasn't absolutely wasn't me who left the big floater in the toilet back there.

You've just had unprotected anal sex with that girl.

I most certainly did. And she loved it.

What if she's got HIV?

Cute girls don't get HIV.

You need to take her to the clinic, you need to get her to have some tests, get her a full work-up.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. D'you know how rare it is to find a girl who genuinely, honest to God, absolutely loves it up the arse?

She totally knocked you back.

She's playing hard to get, mate.

She's out of your league. She's laughing her arse off at you. You can't go back in there. You gonna have to... Oh, climb through the window! Just go. C'mon.

No! You'd love that, wouldn't you? Why don't I just go home and spend the rest of the night torturing myself about things I did when I was like 14?

D'you mean the thing with the neighbor's cat?

No! We do not talk about that! Right?

Where are you going?

Just fuck the fuck off.

Rudy

[Tanya froze time and bottled Rudy and put the bottle in Curtis' hand] You've... you've bottled me!

Curtis

What are you talking about?!

Rudy

This man just bottled me!

Curtis

I didn't do anything to you!

Rudy

[To Charlie] Me face! Am I still, am I still gorgeous?

Rudy

[After running from the cops with Simon and Kelly] I've got to stop smoking and doing loads of speed, me.

Kelly

[Curtis shows up] I thought they had you.

Curtis

No. I got away. I... [looks at Rudy] I did my thing.

Rudy

Ah! If that's some sort of vague reference to all this "power" bullshit, then don't worry, cause I am cool and the gang with all that. [To Simon] You're very starey.

Shaun

[Notices dog-shaped charity donation bin missing] The little bastards. [Slams Rudy's locker shut] Which one of you fuckers took the dog?

Rudy

What dog? Was there even a dog?

Shaun

The charity box, for the blind? The Labrador, retriever, whatever the fuck it was. Who nicked it?

Rudy

What? I don't know nothing about no dog, man. Was there... was there a dog? Where is there... a dog?

Shaun

[Pokes sign into Rudy's throat] Who took it?

Rudy

Right... I really hate to be a grass... but I did see that strangely intense girl with slightly inadequate breasts, she was carrying something heavy and dog-shaped over to her locker before...

Shaun

Which one?

Rudy

It's number 43. [Shaun uses fire extinguisher to bust open locker]

Rudy

[Sees Tanya walking] Hey. [Gestures] Come here. Mm, come here. The probation worker's looking for you.

And why's that?

Rudy

Because he seems to be under the impression that you've stolen a dog-shaped charity box, on account of him having found it in your locker. Mm! You fuck with me, I'll fuck with you right back with a cherry on top.

You have no idea what I can do to you.

Rudy

You think you can use your little power to fi... x... this. But you're too late, because he's already reported you. And the cops are already coming. [Chuckles] You're going down, sweet child. Don't mess with the assman!

Rudy

[To Simon] So you're with Alisha, aren't you? That's great, man. I'm with that beautiful, innocent-looking girl down there. Yeah. She absolutely loves it up the arse! I know! I know, we're all just pussying around, aren't we? "Should I slip it up there?" "No, you can't. That's where she makes toilet." Turns out... Come here. Turns out... it's also the way to a woman's heart.

Kelly

You stick anything up my arse and I will break your face.

Rudy

It's just the posh ones. It's just the posh ones. Listen... just so you know, you don't have to worry about that girl who screwed with us, cos your Uncle Rudy's all over that shit like a motherfucker-r-r-r-r!