Alex quotes from Misfits

Alex

[Follows a teen boy, grabs him, drags him into an abandoned market stall and slams teen boy against wall] Listen to me. I'm not gonna hurt you! I promise I'm not gonna hurt you! Show me your cock and I'll let you go! Show me your cock!

Alex

[On phone] I want you to get back out there. I'll double your money, whatever it takes. Just find my cock!

Alex

[Walks up to her] Hi.

Jess

[Pulls out walkman earbuds] Hi. Is that it? [Walks past him]

Alex

I- I'm sorry. [She turns around] I screwed up. It was nothing you did. I shouldn't have lied to you. I am a prick.

Jess

Mmm.

Alex

So what are you thinking?

Jess

I'm thinking I wanna hit you in the face.

Alex

Well, I think if that's gonna make you feel better, go ahead.

Jess

Fuck you.

Alex

I'm serious. If that's what it's gonna take for you to get over it... then hit me. I'll come down to your level. I'll make it easy for you. [Kneels to her and Jess strikes him] Oh! What the fuck?!

Jess

You told me to hit you!

Alex

Jesus! Oh!

Jess

Are you cr...? Are you crying?

Alex

No. My eyes are watering. Why did you go for the nose?

Jess

Oh, you...

Alex

What? ...Oh, shit! Sorry.

Jess

Yeah, well, so you fucking should be.

Alex

It's not funny! [She laughs] Do you wanna go out tomorrow night?

Alex

D'you want something to eat? 'Cause I could make you something.

Jess

You cook?

Alex

It's been known.

Jess

Then great.

Alex

There's no food. I think we should raid the funeral.

Jess

Can we just talk about the numbers?

Alex

I guess we should.

Jess

46? Must have been one hell of a weekend. You could fill a coach with all those. A fuck bus.

Alex

It would be an awkward journey.

Jess

Mine... we could all fit inside a small car, something like a Vauxhall Corsa. We'd have a seat left over.

Alex

I know what you must think...

Jess

No, it's fine! You don't have to justify yourself to me!

Alex

I'm not that person any more.

Jess

We should keep drinking.

Alex

We definitely should.

Jess

Okay. My round.

Jess

I'm glad you came.

Alex

Me too. So... you look nice.

Jess

Do I? I was starting to get a bit self-conscious. It's been, um... 15 minutes since you paid me a compliment?

Alex

No. No, you look great. I like your top.

Jess

Really?

Alex

Yeah.

Jess

How about the colour?

Alex

Looks good on you.

Alex

[Jess attempts to seduce him in a secluded room] I... I don't think we should do this right now.

Alex

What?

Jess

Just... don't.

Alex

What is wrong with you?

Jess

You lead me on, then fuck me about!

Alex

No, it's... It's not like that.

Jess

Then what is it like?

Alex

It's complicated.

Jess

Ohh... That's it?! That's all I'm getting, "it's complicated"? Or, maybe it's me. I take it there wasn't a problem with the other 46? Do you know what? I've had enough of you and your bullshit head games. [Walks away]

Alex

Jess, wait.

Sorry, but I need to ask... Why have you got a "2" on your head?

Jess

What, you've never seen a girl with a number drawn on her head? It's a fashion thing, you should try it.

You think so?

Jess

You could definitely carry off a number, something like... a... 7'? Maybe a 9.

Alex

Jess, can I talk to you?

Jess

Not now.

Alex

There's something I need to tell you.

Jess

Fine, go ahead.

Alex

Can we go somewhere a bit more quiet?

Jess

Why? So you can just fuck me about and drop me when you feel like it?

Um... See you later.

Jess

Mmm. Great. Thanks. So, let me guess. You don't want me but no-one else can have me either? I had you so wrong. I thought you were this lovely, genuine guy. You're just like all the others.

Finn

Hey. You're okay!

Nadine

Why wouldn't I be?

Finn

You were kind of out of it. We... We found you out in the hallway.

Nadine

Right. You the one that put me in the toilet?

Finn

Yeah, I- I... I felt bad just leaving you there like that.

Nadine

Didn't touch me up or anything while you were moving me? Bit of the old side boob?

Finn

No. God, no. No.

Nadine

Then why are my knickers on inside out?

[Slaps Finn's head] You...!

Finn

I- I- I didn't do anything. I didn't.

Nadine

Tell that to the judge.

Oh, Finlay!

Finn

Oh, my God. I never... [splutters]

I'm joking. [She and Rudy One laugh] Hey!

Nadine

No. No, th... Thanks a lot.

Finn

Anyway, I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Yeah. [Grabs Finn and pulls him away]

Nadine

Have a good night.

Nice one. [To Alex] Hey, come on, drink up. We're goin'.

Alex

Why?

Because there's a giant white rabbit out there who's wearing a suit, he's got a golf club, and he's... goin' round killing people.

Alex

What rabbit?

What is wrong with you both? It's just a fucking rabbit! I told you!

Fuck me!

Richard

I told you he was out there.

Told me what?

Richard

The white rabbit. I said he was coming for us.

Richard, did you do this? Is this your rabbit, mate?

Richard

I haven't done any in a while. I didn't think it was gonna happen again.

Finn

Done what?

Richard

The storm. I dropped some acid and it got bad. It got really fucking bad.

[Leans into Richard] Mate, did you shit yourself? Dude, did you shit yourself? This hallucination... shat himself.

Richard

The white rabbit, it's become real!

Hang on a minute, so you've taken acid, there's now a giant white rabbit with a golf club and no-one's shat themselves, that's good.

Alex

We need to find Jess.

Finn

I thought she was with you.

Alex

She stormed off.

Finn

She... Well, we need to find her.

Oh, fuck!

Finn

She's not in the bathroom.

Listen, she's bloody gone home. She'll be on the couch, all curled up, Maltesers, watching a film about boys.

Alex

Look, we need to find her.

Finn

You need to find her. This is your fault.

Alex

How's this my fault?

Finn

She was with you, then we come back and she's gone, so what happened?

Alex

Nothing happened.

Look, just stop. Me and Finn are gonna go and have a look at the funeral. Just ask around, man.

Finn

Fine, but if we're going out there, I want me own keys.

Really?! Fuck!

Nadine

[Leans into inebriated woman] There's a rabbit out there, a fucking big one, and he's got this girl... [turns off music player and party stops dancing and turns to her]

Oi!

Who did that?!

What you fuckin' doing, man?

Nadine

Okay... um... Sorry to break up this whole party thing, but I think I have something quite important to say. There's a white rabbit out there and he's fucking weird and... he's got this girl and she's unconscious, and I feel like maybe we should be doing something.

Alex

What does she look like?

Nadine

You saw it too? Where did he take her?

Alex

He dragged her into the lift. She was bleeding. It looked pretty scary.

Alex

[Pushes elevator button] What the fuck's wrong with this thing?

Finn

Calm down, I'm sure she's okay.

Nadine

I dunno, mate. She looked in a pretty bad way.

[All go in elevator] Hang... Hang on! Whoa, whoa. Just stop, hang on. Hang on. We don't even know where he's taken her, do we? [Nadine wipes off blood of basement floor button] Eh? Oh, she's in the fucking basement. Brilliant.

[Leaving elevator, to Nadine] Where you? Hey, whoa... You stay here, little lady. This is absolutely no place... man's work. It's dangerous. Right. Right, listen, right? Listen. [To Alex] You're gonna have to go down that way, we'll go down this way.

Alex

Why do I have to go on my own?

Finn

Because you're bigger than us.

[Whispers] Yes, he is bigger.

[Comes across Richard curled up on stairs] So, here he is. Richard Saunders, honestly, what a complete cock-sucker. I fuckin' hate people who can't handle their drugs. [Kicks Richard waking him]

Finn

Shit party, by the way.

Alex

Really shit.

Jess

And next time, buy some fucking nibbles. Mmm!

Jess

What's going on with us?

Alex

Hmm?

Jess

We need to talk, because I'm really confused. [Alex starts taking off pants] What are you doing?

Alex

[Shows her penis-absent crotch] I wanted to tell you. But I didn't think you'd understand.

Jess

What happened? Is that? Were... Were you born like that?

Alex

I was in a club. Someone stole it from me.

Jess

They... They stole it?

Alex

Yeah, it was a girl. A bloke. A transgender bloke. She wanted to be a man. She had a power. So she... took it from me. We... We swapped.

Jess

Holy shit!

Alex

My cock is out there somewhere. It's mine. And I'm gonna get it back. So now you know... why we can't be together. [They kiss passionately]